'WIBTA if I dropped from my best friend's wedding party?' 'It feels like they want warm bodies.'

"WIBTA if I dropped from my best friend's wedding party?"

My friend told me I was an obvious choice for his wedding party a few months ago! I'm ecstatic! He'd asked a bit about how we should plan the leading events, talked about getting married to his wife, and generally shared a positive attitude about the situation.

After some time, they excitedly reach out to us to tell us that they're planning to have the wedding Christmas day (?!?). My SO and I always travel for Christmas, so this was a shock to us. We immediately told them and asked if they'd put a deposit down on the venue, and they said yes.

They'd just put the deposit down a day prior. My significant other was upset. She doesn't get to see her family often and this would be taking away that visit. We somewhat begrudgingly didn't make a scene and started planning to potentially let my SO miss the wedding to go see her family.

His fiancee then asked my significant other to go to her dress fitting. Fiancee lived abroad for a while, so doesn't have many local friends, so this makes sense. Part way through, in front of the wedding planner, the bride-to-be's mother, and the dress consultant, fiancee asks my SO to be my foil in the wedding party. SO, feeling obligated and pressured, reluctantly agrees.

We start making other plans. We'll go visit family early and then make our way back for the wedding. I talk with my friend about it and he seems to think it's a good compromise (even though we're conceding seeing some family that won't be there early).

They then tell us that the pre-wedding events are taking place in our early visit window, thus canceling those plans too. We're exceptionally frustrated. Our needs and desires have been repeatedly cast aside. I understand that we agreed, but we also didn't hide our grievances.

We tried being communicative, and it feels like we're being made to decide between family and friends. WIBTA if I dropped out? They have months to find a replacement, and it doesn't feel like they want US, it feels like they want warm bodies.

Here's what people had to say to OP:

Gloomy-Increase-8726 said:

NTA. You should just drop out and tell them this doesn’t work for your family and schedule. Their plans have already disrupted your plans repeatedly and significantly and there’s no reason to think that more disruption isn’t going to happen before the wedding. Just stop now.

Sure-Ingenuity6714 said:

Christmas day wedding. GTFO!

VSinclair35 said:

Who TF has a wedding on Christmas Day?