Blue85Heron
A couple of weeks ago, I (54f) dropped by to see my MIL (79f) for an hour and she 100% tried to go through my purse. While we were visiting, she grabbed my purse from a chair and began to rifle through it, saying, “What brand is this? I’d like to look for one for myself.”
I pulled the purse out of her hand, flipped the label so she could see it, and read it to her. She took it out of my hands and began to rummage again, “What kind of pockets does this have inside? I’ve always wondered.”
At that point, I took the purse from her, slung it over my shoulder, and stepped away from her. Very awkward. Unfortunately, I was stuck because my jeans were in her dryer so I couldn’t leave.
And I had to pee. A split-second analysis told me, a) if I take my purse into the bathroom, it’s going to look like I’m hiding something and 2) there’s nothing interesting in my purse.
No paraphernalia etc. I chose to put down my purse and calmly walk to the bathroom, where I stayed long enough to have a good pee and assure her time enough to search my purse thoroughly.
Background: This is a second marriage for both my husband and me (3 years together,)and we’re very happy. His mom has boundary issues (clearly.) 10 minutes before the purse incident, she was trying to get me to provide her with all our account/investment/etc. logins and passwords, so she would have them “just in case anything ever happened to you.”
As if. She is the person in town who runs everything, is used to having her own way, and feels entitled to know our business. We consistently set firm limits with her, but it’s exhausting.
My MIL did well for herself in her career, and often did public speaking spots. I’m sure she’s a fine public speaker, but when I say “public speaking,” I mean presenting awards, giving a little speech to thank the Historical Society for their fine work, and so on.
Not writing her own persuasive content. Not TED talks or anything close. Still, she assumes no one else has the immense skill or experience that she has as a public speaker.
Here’s my plan: I’ve been a writer off and on:, although it’s not my primary career. In the last decade, I’ve had a few novels and some nonfiction published. I composed a letter to a fake publisher [I used the name and address of a well-known publishing house but made up a name.]
The letter is from me, to the publisher, thanking him for his “effusive praise” of my recent “presentation to the xxx at the University.” (Completely made up.) I thanked him for his interest in my manuscript.
I kept the wording vague but wrote that I wanted to negotiate a higher advance, thanked him for calling me “in demand” as a public speaker but said I’d be using a pen name for this book, due to the “sensitive nature” of the content.
The letter is now in an unsealed, addressed envelope marked “Confidential.” It will, of course, be clearly visible when I drop in to see her this weekend, then decide to go for a walk, leaving my purse behind for an hour.
My husband knows nothing about this. If she fishes for information, he will be clueless and I will play dumb. She won’t confess that she snooped, and it will drive her nits for the rest of her life. What did Blue Heron write under a pen name? What are the details of her secret writing and speaking career?”
When she probed for access to our financial information and tried to search my purse, I told my husband. He was disinterested. His attitude is that she’s not going to be around much longer, so we should just keep the peace. Truly though, what did I expect him to do? He can’t rage at her: she’ll just deny it all.
That’s why I feel I need to take things into my own hands and teach her that when you mess around, sometimes you find out. Remembering that I’m a grown woman who should be able to let things go, WIBTA for baiting my MIL to snoop through my purse again?
Edit: Several of you are concerned that I may have driven under the influence. I live about half an hour away from MIL, but my husband & I also have a camp next door to her house.
I was in town for an event, and had time to wash the jeans I wanted to wear before I left home, but no time to dry them. I got to camp, shared a bowl with my husband, and then popped over to say hi and use her dryer. No driving under the influence. I’ll add that it’s important to me to try to maintain a good relationship with my in-laws, as long as my boundaries are respected.
We have a cordial relationship, but there is absolutely no talking, adult-to-adult about an issue like this with her. She goes into full-blown self-protection mode and is unable to hear me. I’ve tried.
Also, my husband would never considered giving her access to our accounts. He was just disinterested in my outrage because we can (and did) just say no to her. So he figured what’s the big deal? No, It’s the purse issue I’m interested in avenging.
KeyHovercraft2637
Well I would definitely go ahead and change all passwords and usernames if he isn’t capable of saying no to her. I like your plan and it will drive her crazy. Also I would do the same to her handbag next time. I’m super sure you need to lock down your personal financial accounts tho.
Leading_Dealer_8018
I have never been so eager for an update ever!!! Please make sure you follow this!!!
Dewhickey76
I know, me too! This is glorious, beautifully thought out, and set up for a PERFECT execution. I can't wait for OP to pull it off and UPDATE US!