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'WIBTA if I canceled my moms flight for Christmas?' UPDATED.

'WIBTA if I canceled my moms flight for Christmas?' UPDATED.

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"WIBTA if I canceled my mom's flight for Christmas?"

My (30M) mother booked a $350 flight to come visit me and my girlfriend (24F) for the holidays. This would be her first time meeting my gf and we made plans to get dinner with gf’s family her last night in town.

Today, my mom called to express her concerns about common law marriage in Texas (my gf and I live together) and accused my gf of trying to manipulate me to gain control of my assets.

This upset me, since she has never met my gf and barely knows anything about her. I called her crazy and she asked me to cancel her flight, but then backtracked when she realized she couldn’t get a refund or credit. She requested that I kick my gf out of our house for the duration of her stay, and said that she would not meet her parents as originally planned.

My gf is disappointed as she bought non-refundable gifts and prepared several vegetarian dishes for my mom so she could be comfortable during her stay. Gf said she doesn’t want to drive a wedge between my mom and I, and offered to leave when she visits.

I, however, realized that I don’t want to deal with my mom’s drama if she did come and also don’t want to make my girlfriend leave. If I cancel her flight, I would send her back the $200 she gave me for Christmas.

So WIBTA if I cancel my mom’s flight before Christmas, knowing that she wouldn’t get a full refund and has already taken the days off work?

Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:

Worth-Season3645 said:

NTA…your girlfriend is not driving a wedge between you and your mom, your mom is. Is this your home or you and your girlfriend’s home together? Either way, your mom is completely in the wrong. She did not bring any of these concerns up before buying the ticket? Who exactly paid for the flight?

Because you said you would cancel, but she would not get a full refund? Your mother made her choices. They are hers to deal with. I would tell her she either comes and behaves like a grown, mature adult or she can stay home. The choice and repercussions of that choice are hers to make and deal with.

QuesoDelDiablos said:

NTA. Your mom is acting insane. Asking that your GF be kicked out is a huge overstep and very disrespectful to your relationship. There is however a possible seed of wisdom in something she said though. Do look into common law marriages. A lot of states did away with them, but a few do have them on the books.

rebootsaresuchapain said:

NTA - your mother has manipulated the situation so she doesn’t have to share you with anyone at Christmas. She’s suddenly brought up your living arrangements now, and can’t cancel the flights?

Sounds like a shake down. Stick with your girlfriend and tell her that you are disappointed in her behaviour and won’t allow anyone to kick your partner out of her own home.

retrozebra said:

NTA. Your mom is instigating drama for no reason. Your girlfriend is not the one driving the wedge between y’all. Your mom’s got that covered all on her own. It’s fine for your mom to mention common law. It’s always good to be informed.

But this should be a fleeting comment about educating yourself on cohabitation laws - not a judgement on someone she’s never even met. Your girlfriend is done no wrong here. Your mom should be apologizing.

aisaiddec said:

NTA. Your mom can backtrack what she said until the cows come home, but your GF will NEVER forget what she said. How do you suppose the visit will go if she does show up?

I imagine your gf will be very uncomfortable knowing what your mom thinks of her. Return your mom’s ticket and show your gf that you will not tolerate any negative talk about her.

elderoriens said:

NTA Honestly, I hope you and your girlfriend live happily ever after. That's not the point, Your mom needs to be told right up front- it is not her decision who you spend time with. It is not her decision who is in your home. Ever. She is a guest.

UPDATE:

First of all, thank you to everyone who commented. This is a shared account with my gf, so she was able to read through a lot of your comments and it helped her feel better about the situation. We received some good advice from an early commenter to try and salvage the trip, so late last night I called my mom.

Long story short, she will still be visiting and my gf is not going anywhere. Mom did apologize for implying that gf was trying to manipulate me, but still refuses to meet with gf’s family. We told my gf’s family that we would try to convince mom to go to the dinner, but if she was too stubborn my gf and I will leave her at home and still get dinner with them.

Unfortunately this extreme paranoia/anxiety is not off character for her, she makes everything more difficult than it needs to be. To the people who commented about early stage dementia, I think there is a strong possibility she has this or some other serious mental health issue but she refuses to go to a doctor.

I’ve tried making appointments for her, but she always finds an excuse/issue that prevents her from going. Anyways, will update here again after her visit if there’s any more drama, but hopefully this is the last y’all will hear from me!

Everyone was on OP's side for this one. What's your advice for this family?

Sources: Reddit
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