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'WIBTA if I cancel my wedding because my mom is pressuring me to invite my siblings?' UPDATED

'WIBTA if I cancel my wedding because my mom is pressuring me to invite my siblings?' UPDATED


"WIBTA if I cancelled our wedding?"

Here's the original post:

I recently got engaged to the man of my dreams a few years ago. Even before we got engaged, my fiancee and I agreed that we were going to keep it on the smaller side and only invite our close friends/family. Now, I have four other siblings that I'm not close to. I only "talk" to one and that's putting it lightly.

I've chosen not to invite the remaining three and only invite the one that I speak to. My mother wasn't particularly pleased, but, she understood at the time. We already went through bullsh!t with his side of the family due to the fact that I didn't want to invite everyone from his side of the family, which would be an additional 60+ people to our list.

My fiancee and I had already had a list of everyone he wanted to invite on his side of the family and mine. It was a huge thing where we eventually compromised on inviting a large portion, but, not all. They essentially threatened to not help pay for the wedding, so, I felt a bit bullied into giving in.

Flash forward to the past few weeks. My mother has had a falling out with the one sibling I speak to and now wants me to invite one of the one's who I have literally no relationship with. I've told her no many times and to please be civil and respect my wishes.

Today, she threw the fact that we are inviting my fiancee's family to the wedding (though it was a different scenario in my opinion) and said she isn't coming to the wedding unless I invite him.

At this point, I'm over all of it. I haven't been able to enjoy being engaged because it's been family drama and I'm not even looking forward to planning the wedding. We have planned a large portion and most of everything has been paid for out of our pocket. I suggested we just cancel the damn thing and elope to my fiancee and he agreed. WIBTA to cancel it and just elope?

What do you think? AITA? This is what top commenters had to say:

[deleted] said:

NTA. If you and your fiancee are on the same page, that's all that matters. From the sound of it, you wouldn't even enjoy this wedding you planned.


Sorry you’re dealing with toxic family members. :( just make sure your wedding is what you want it to be - big, small, eloping, whatever!


NTA. Elope and avoid the drama. Best wishes to you both.

dgdsey said:

NTA! Elope and spend all that money you was going to pay out a a large wedding and go on a awesome honeymoon!!!

tony_ravioli93 said:

Heck no, NTA, elope! Very similar situation with my wedding a few years ago. After 7 months of planning hitting roadblock after roadblock we finally said fuck it and got married. Invited my parents and siblings and that was basically it. 0 regrets other than I wish I’d taken more time with the dress.

His family had made things so difficult at one point his mother threatened to “drop kick” my family if they even looked at her. To this day we still don’t know why she said that since she hadn’t met my family at that point. You do you boo. It’s YOUR wedding

maywellflower said:

NTA - it's your wedding, engagement & marriage; do what you feel is correct for you & your fiancee. He already said yes to the elopement - his opinion is what really matters more to you, than a bunch of people saying so on Reddit & even both sides of yours and his family.🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️

Commenters overwhelmingly agreed NTA, and urged OP and her partner to elope.

Months after her original post, she shared this update:

Hello, all! It's been some time since I laid out all the bullsh!t my fiance and I were dealing with in regards to planning our wedding and such. We were so overwhelmed with the immense response and support, so, thank you to everyone who contributed and offered advice. Now, on to what happened!

My fiance and I talked it through, the pros and cons, etc. We both realized how unhappy we were with how things were going and decided that we were going to cancel the wedding and move forward with eloping. We decided that we didn't want it to be just us, but a small group of family and friends as well.

We were both ecstatic, but, also EXTREMELY worried at how our parents were going to take it. Especially considering our guest list went from over 120 people, to 20. But, we were both committed and he decided to tell his parents and I would then tell mine.

Surprisingly, his parents were SO supportive and extremely ecstatic that we were getting eloped. They were even more excited when we let them know we wanted them there and they booked their flight soon after!

They also handled telling their families and friends in Texas that we were eloping and to get over it. So, that saved us the trouble! His other family was very supportive and wished us the best. My father also was incredibly supportive and couldn't wait to be there. My mother on the hand, was FURIOUS.

The phone call to her started off calmly enough and I did let her know before beginning the conversation that she most likely wouldn't enjoy this. But, I pressed forward. I told her our reasons, our stresses, how we felt disrespected and disregarding concerning everything, I laid it all out in a calm and collected manner. Once finished, she was very quite and simply said, alright.

I knew immediately that I was pretty well fucked, but, we ended the phone call with her stating she understood. Less than 24 hours later, she texts me asking if my brother (whom one of our biggest stressors was about) was invited.

I was pissed because I had just had this conversation with her and explicitly told her who was invited and etc. I responded back with a simple no and that my father, grandmother and herself were invited. Well, sh!t hit the fan. She sent me a wall of texts, calling me all sorts of names, throwing my fiance's family in my face and how we took their side, how I never truly gave a sh!t about her feelings, all the good stuff.

I remained calm and before sending each response, consulted my fiance as to not sound like a total bitch. Long story short, she said unless my brother is invited, she won't be coming. So, I told her not to come. I was over it and stopped responding to her texts.

For days she texted me, saying all the same as before and kept asking if my brother was invited. I responded once and told her that until she apologized (she won't) that I wouldn't be seeing or speaking to her about anything regarding the wedding. I offered an open seat to our wedding, whether she shows or not, is completely up to her.

My fiance and I have already booked a small venue for our elopment and are more excited planning this than our previous wedding and are looking forward to our future! TLDR: We are eloping, b!tches!

Sources: Reddit
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