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'WIBTA If I completely ignore my neighbour? He keeps knocking on my door to ask me out.' UPDATED 3X

'WIBTA If I completely ignore my neighbour? He keeps knocking on my door to ask me out.' UPDATED 3X


Sometimes, the best way to handle a situation is avoid it as much as possible.

"WIBTA If I completely ignore my neighbour?"

So I 21(F) had a knock at the door from a man who lives five doors down . I have been living on this street and have known him since I was 14, he is currently in his late 50s. For some insight I have quite bad anxiety and do not leave the house really unless necessary.

He was knocking quite loud and and looked out the window and it was him and since this was only of the only times I have ever really had him knock the door I assumed I was urgent and answered. He asked me on the date tonight and I said no. He asked for tomorrow and I said no, then he went onto say "let me know" and I didn’t know what to say.

Ten minutes later he came back to the door but I couldn’t get myself to answer so I stuck my head out the window. He started shouting how it was on him how he would pay for everything and not to worry and how he will come see me again. I’ll be completely honest I didn’t know how to respond so I just said thanks.

He knows my mum better than he knows me so it kind of creeps me out the fact he asked me out when he has known me since I was a 14. My home is a safe space for me so the fact he came to my home and asked me out at my front door just has thrown me off I don’t know how to turn him down and feel comfortable. I was honestly thinking of just ignoring him. WIBTA?

Commenters had a lot to say in response.

mewley wrote:

Yikes, this neighbor was really inappropriate and his persistence after you said no is cr**py and aggr*ssive. If you feel safe doing so, telling him no without any conditions or explanation is worthwhile. For example, “I don’t want to date you or hang out with you, and I will not change my mind.”

Also consider telling your parents and letting them communicate that.

If you don’t feel safe doing so, then ignoring him is fine. You are NTA.

lynfaix wrote:

NTA but just leaving it isn’t the way to go. Next time he turns up (he will) tell him that you are not interested in dating him and if he continues to harass you that you will take it further. Essentially? If you do not tell him to stop contacting you? You will have no legal recourse.

OP responded:

I tried to tell him by refusing the first two day offers. Its hard to be very firm and demanding not to contacting when I don’t know how he will react especially when I’m the only one home. But I will try thank you so much!

scousebutty wrote:

NTA. This is very, very inappropriate behaviour on his part. Have you told your Mum about this? If you haven't, then please do so. I would start documenting anything to do with him. Any interaction at all. You will have documentation just in case things start to escalate.

You (or preferably a family member) need to make it clear that whatever he is thinking is never going to happen, that he is far to old for you and that him asking you on a date is extremely inappropriate and then Just completely ignore him from now on. I hope your anxiety eases up soon also. It's a horrible thing to live with.

OP responded:

I am going to tell her as soon as she gets home all of my other encounters with him have always seemed just nice and normal that’s why it kind of made me so thrown off.

zoiinkscooby wrote:

NTA, but considering he is a man that could be a potential threat, I would politely but firmly decline and let your mom know the situation. Maybe invest in a ring doorbell and some sort of protection, like a taser or pepper spray that stays on your key chain.

If he continues with the persistence, get a restraining order, but don’t tell him that as it could aggravate the situation. You can’t be too safe, especially considering he didn’t get the hint with the first two rejections.

OP responded:

It’s scary my dad doesn’t live at home so it’s just me and my mum, we aren’t allowed self defence items in the UK sadly.

hikergirl26 wrote:

NTA. He is in his late 50s and asking you for 21 a date. Yuk. Tell your family and friends this is happening. You may have to get authorities involved as he sounds unhinged. You can ignore him but really you should just make it clear that you have no interest. In fact, if you interact with him again, tell him that you already have a grandfather.

empiretroubador398 wrote:

Absolutely NTA. His persistence is very telling, not taking no for an answer. He may try harder if you ignore him. The slightest hesitation or niceness on your part may be mistaken by him for a possibility.

If he asks again or attempts to engage you in any way, clearly let him know that you stand by your answer, that he is making you uncomfortable, and that you would like to be left alone. It's the truth. Yes it will be uncomfortable to say that if you are not used to it, but not doing it will be worse.

Trail_Blazer08 wrote:

NTA. As others have said, do NOT open the door; be direct and say you're not interested. I don't agree with people saying to politely decline. The man is a creep, and women have been conditioned to be polite when we absolutely should not. Be assertive and direct. I recommend that you read "The Gift of Fear."

OP responded:

Thank you I’ll take a look at it! I’m struggling between the being polite or assertive due to how close he lives it’s a scary choice to make.

EfficientAd4798 wrote:

His feeling aren't your responsibility. How you navigate them should be from a place of your own comfort. You could totally ignore him, but learning to be direct and firm with others is an important life skill. A big chunk of it is knowing what's your responsibility and what's not. I'd say this is a great opportunity to establish boundaries with someone.

No. You're way too old for me, this makes me uncomfortable. If he gets upset that's his own fault. But leaving it open ended may be taken as an invitation, however f#$ked up that is. Gotta get comfortable telling people things they don't want to hear. Better to suffer a little now than suffer a long time not knowing.

The next morning, OP wrote two updates.

Update: Thanks to everyone who has gave suggestions and helped me so far. I haven’t seen him this morning and his car is gone so I assume he’s gone to work. I was able to talk to my mum and she was annoyed to say the least. We have came up with a plan for the time being; I won’t be answering the door from now on unless I am notified that someone is coming.

We are going to order a ring door bell so that I can check who is at the door. When my mum sees him she plans on confronting him and telling him I am not interested and that he is being highly inappropriate.

I am still on edge especially since he said he will come back but I feel a little better now and I’m hoping the only other update will be him leaving me alone but thanks again. I’ll update again after my mum confronts him. Thanks again 🙂

Update 2: Honestly I didn’t think I would be updating this fast my mum hasn’t been able to speak to him yet since he still wasn’t home from work before she left for work. I have since had a note through the letter box from him basically giving me all of his information and saying it’s hard for him and he wants to talk.

I will update again if anymore happens but at the moment I am just trying to keep to my bedroom.

Four days later, OP shared yet another update.

Hopefully final update: He has knocked the door a few times over the last few days, my mum was home for one of them. It was early hours in the morning and he decided because I wasn’t getting back to him he would come really early in the morning. My mum was extremely annoyed to say the least and had an argument with him.

I could only hear really what she was saying and she just told me not to worry and hopefully he would stop now. He hasn’t tried anything so far but yeah. My mum basically called him a creep and some other things 🫡

The comments kept coming in.

greymoria wrote:

This made my skin crawl. How is pounding on someone's door not terrifying? I'm glad the mother could step in and tell him off, it seems like that is a lot less risky than her doing it. Too many men intimidate, har**s, h\8rt or ki** women that say no for this to be entirely safe in either way though.

lavender-girlfriend wrote:

The whole "just be direct! be assertive! tell him no loudly!" thing always irritates me bc women will literally get k**led for saying no. the reason why we are socialized to be as polite and deferential as possible when rejecting a guy is so he hopefully won't choose to ass#ult, r#pe, or k## us. and sometimes even that doesn't work.

Yes, we shouldn't have to be overly polite or dance around it or have to make up a boyfriend or husband, but safest is best. People really need to look up "when women say no" (or r/whenwomenrefuse ) and think twice before they advise someone to be more assertive, direct, or rude when turning down a guy.

momofeveryone5 wrote:

I really hope the old guy is dealing with early onset dementia bc I'm so tired of reading about garden variety p*rverts.

TheKittenPatrol wrote:

Haven’t read the post yet, but OP thank you for having a mood spoiler along with the meme spoiler. In this case I do know the meme, but in the past there were a couple times when the mood spoiler was just a reference I didn’t understand which was entirely unhelpful (I don’t think it was ever one of yours, to be clear). I like this was where there can be a reference but there’s still a separate mood spoiler!

Sources: Reddit
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