'WIBTA if I didn't get my bf any Christmas presents?'
"WIBTA if I didn't get my bf any Christmas presents?"
My bf (41m) and I (almost 41f) have been together 3 1/2 years now. We live together. He's usually a good partner, but we're both very broken people and tend to get into fights. He's also an alcoholic. While I love my partner dearly, he just can't seem to get his shit together.
He doesn't have a car or a real bank account, nor any post-secondary education. He's mostly waited tables all his adult life. I changed careers two years ago, but I recently ended up in a position that doesn't pay very well. I make JUST enough to barely cover my bills and expenses.
I have scrimped, saved, and sacrificed. I have a car, but it's barely hanging on. I started saving $20 a paycheck for Christmas shopping money and have lent my talents for extra cash, but I only have just over $100 to work with.
Two weeks ago, my bf quit his job before securing a new one first. He does this sometimes. While he did make an arrangement with his mother to cover his share of the rent (because I cannot), I know he will not be getting me anything for Christmas. He has been applying for jobs daily, however.
I have eight niblings and a mother to shop for and I'm already having to go super cheap on them. I was planning on getting my bf some nice things he really wants/needs.
I already bought a pair of work pants for him weeks ago so he's definitely getting those, but if I'm not going to get anything from him, I wonder if it would be fair or shitty if I didn't get anything for him. WIBTA if I didn't?
Let's see what readers thought:
therapyspi writes:
YTA. But not because you aren't getting him a gift, you're the asshole because you've turned the entire situation into a transaction and your not getting a gift for him is punitive.
Furthermore, and this isn't related to the question, but you say "he's usually a good partner" and then proceed to label every possible red flag other than domestic abuse. Are you ok?
emceesu8 writes:
INFO: you seem quite certain that he will not give you anything for Christmas. That certainly jibes with the rest of the details but is it possible that he purchased something before he quit? What has he given you for the past 3 Christmases?
Also, apart from the situation with this man, you are in a dire financial crisis and I don't think you should be spending that spare $100 right now. With 8 niblings, it would be difficult to get them anything at all with that money and you need it so much more than they need a $10 trinket.
oa0sha writes:
NAH. You can’t buy what you can’t afford and it seems that gifts for each other are not in your budget this year and that’s ok. Just be transparent about it.