Woman intentionally ruins husband’s ex-wife’s career as a therapist; 'she only cares about her professional reputation.' AITA?
"WIBTA if I intentional ruined my husband’s ex-wife’s career?"
Helpful-Warthog-3412
Buckle up. This is a long one. My husband, who I call Hubby, has a son with his ex-wife, Karen. After the divorce, Karen married Kevin. For the sake of simplicity, I will refer to the child as Son.
At 15, Son said he wanted to live with Hubby and I. Now, Karen is the epitome of a Karen. She is the standard to which all other Karen’s aspire to Karen. When Karen learned Son wanted to live with Hubby, things did not go well.
After multiple meetings and attempts of mediation, we had to go to court for a verdict. The judge awarded Hubby more custody, but denied Son’s request. In our country, children are able to decide which parent they wish to reside with.
You may be wondering why the judge did not honor son’s request. The answer is simple and heartbreaking. The judge did not want to deal with Karen. Karen’s previous attorney fired her and the current attorney can barely keep Karen in check.
Our attorney refers to Karen as bat sh*t crazy. At the advice of our attorney, we agreed not to continue to push for more custody as it was very hard on Son as he suffers from a neurodevelopmental disorder.
Son was not happy his request was denied by the judge, but was happy Karen lost some control over his life and that Hubby had a more equal footing. Things went well for a little bit.
Over the next two years, Son became increasingly upset with Mother. He would get annoyed when she called or text and became more angry at our home. Son’s older brother asked how we were dealing with his disrespectful behavior and angry outbursts.
Hubby and I stared at each other for what felt like minutes before I could manage “He doesn’t act that way at our house.” We continued to help Son through arguments with Karen and kept our attorney informed of the problems, but there wasn’t enough evidence to sway the court.
One afternoon, Karen got into a heated argument with Son. Son had to walk home from school in a heavy rainstorm, while Karen sat at home. By the time Son got home, he was completely soaked and cold. Karen found this hilarious and refused to let Son change until she took a photo of him. This tangent will be relevant later.
A few months later, Karen’s oldest son ( I’ll call him OS) and Son were together. Karen decided to tell OS the story or Son walking home in the rain and shared the photo. Son became upset about this and Karen told him “don’t be a baby” and continued to mock Son. This was like throwing gasoline on a fire.
Eventually, Karen stormed off and the boys heard a loud thud. Karen claimed Son upset her and it trigger her cardiac condition, which caused her to collapse. Karen said she broke her arm when she collapsed. Son was inconsolable.
As Son told him this, we noticed inconsistencies in Karen’s story. Karen refused medical treatment for her “injuries” and her broken arm miraculously healed the next day. Karen used this “medical emergency” to guilt Son for the next few days and even blamed the entire thing on Son. To say I was livid would be an understatement.
After some time and perspective, Son realized the entire situation was staged and that Karen was fine. Things with Karen deteriorated rapidly after that night. Son said he lost the little bit of respect he had for her. My heart broke for him, but Hubby and I were always ready to listen and help Son however we could.
Fast forward and Son is almost an adult and his relationship with Karen is even worse. Karen and Kevin belittle Son on a consistent basis. They refused to prepare food for Son when he was sick, push the responsibility of the dog and puppy on Son, and insist that he does chores at inappropriate times.
Son struggles with sleep as Karen frequently makes him stay up late to watch TV or so he can participate in “family time.” Things got even worse when Karen started playing Son’s favorite video game.
The video game is not for rookies and takes some skill. Hubby and Son both play the game and enjoy bonding over it. They discuss characters, game play, and strategies to beat specific levels. This is where Son’s neurodevelopmental disorder benefits him greatly. Son knows intricate details of the game and plays it well. Because of this, Karen uses Son as a “game guide.”
At first, Son didn’t mind and was happy to help Karen learn how to play the game. In her true fashion, Karen made the experience intolerable. She would badger Son into helping her, to the detriment of his schoolwork or sleep and generally treat him badly. This week, things got heated between Karen and Son. Karen complained to Kevin and he yelled at Son, calling him selfish and an a*h0le.
That was the night Hubby received a text from Son that will be burned in my memory forever. Son sent a goodbye text to Hubby and ran away. Karen and Kevin didn’t know Son ran away, but the security camera provided all the evidence we needed. Karen’s casually told Hubby “Well, what I’m about to tell you won’t make you feel any better. Son isn’t here and he left his phone behind.”
Karen refused to call emergency services because she didn’t want Son labeled as a delinquent. I called emergency service, OS, and anyone who lived close to Son.
When we got to Son’s house, I noticed his coat was still there and I began to panic as the temperature was just above freezing. I knew Son wouldn’t be able to be outside for much longer. We began to search the house with the police, in case Son came back to warm up.
Fortunately, Son was spotted not far from his home by Kevin. When Son saw Kevin, he sprinted the opposite direction to avoid him. Son was found by the police and relieved him of the knife he was carrying. This is when we learned Son was planning to end his life. Fortunately, the cold temperatures prevented him from succeeding.
Son was driven back to his home and immediately asked for Hubby. Son refused Karen and Kevin. The police upheld his request. After lots of hugs, Son agreed to go to the hospital, but still refused to see Karen or Kevin. Hubby, OS, and I were allowed to be with Son. Karen wouldn’t accept this and threatened to sue the hospital if the denied her request. Of course, the hospital complied.
On this night, Karen’s biggest concern was that Hubby did not use this emergency as a reason to have Son removed from her care. Since that night, Son was transferred to a different t hospital. He barely speaks to Karen and when he does, it’s robotic or filled with anger. He refused hug her or say “I love you.”
Son asked us to tell Karen that he doesn’t want to see Kevin, hear anything about him, or even hear his name. I relayed that information to her today and she brought up Kevin in front of Son moment later.
After our visit, she sent an angry text to Hubby telling him he has not right to tell her not to mention Kevin and not to act like Son’s therapist. I the past 48 hours, Karen has gone out of her way to keep Hubby in the dark about Son and disregarded all of Son’s requests. In case you missed it, Karen is a therapist.
This showed me everything I need to know. Karen doesn’t care about Son. She is worried about maintaining her image and control. She even lied directly to Hubby and I, stating that her or Kevin never speaks poorly to Son.
Now, I am done. I tried to be civil so I wouldn’t cause drama and stress for Son and Hubby. We tried the legal system, but it failed us and nearly cost Son his life. Now, I want to make sure Karen cannot do this to anyone else.
In my country, parents have to report income to their local county office. This helps the county to determine how much a parent should pay in child support. Karen has been working for two years and has not reported her income to the county office.
This is not legal and can come with serious consequences. Also, as a therapist, she must maintain a clean criminal record.Failure to do so could make her unemployable. WIBTA if I exposed Karen to the county office and jeopardized her career and livelihood so she cannot cause this type of damage to anyone else?
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's post:
CheshireKatt1122
NTA.
This is above the internet. However on a personal note, I say ruin the lady.
Common-Dream560
Expose her now. NTA.
UndebateableMom
No - you're reporting a problem with compliance. It is HER actions that would ruin her career. She needs to learn to live with the consequences. That being said, make sure SON is in a safe place before this comes to a head. Is he now old enough to live with you and hubby, without the courts permission? Because we all know that Karen is going to go ballistic when the - pardon the term - fit hits the shan.
LittleprincessStar
NTA. Karen's behavior has been consistently harmful to Son and others around her. Reporting her to the county office isn’t about revenge it’s about accountability and ensuring she doesn’t continue to hurt others.
If she’s violating legal obligations and using her position as a therapist to maintain control, exposing this could protect others in the future. Your priority is Son’s safety and well-being, and taking steps to address Karen’s actions is a necessary part of that.
Helpful-Warthog-3412 (OP)
Wow, the comments came fast. I am new to Reddit, so I apologize if the updates could be better. Son ran away this week and has been in a psychiatric hospital since Wednesday evening. Hubby and I already contacted our attorney to begin an emergency full custody process.
Since it is a holiday weekend, we are forced to play the waiting game. We plan to speak to Son’s school and doctors on Monday. I plan to call the attorney first thing on Monday morning. I don’t know the company Karen works for, so it’s difficult to fully expose Karen.
I can at least contact the county office about her income. I do realize that Hubby could pay more in child support. For those asking, Son will be considered an adult in approximately four months.
Fortunately, Son is away from Karen for now and is safe. We are trying to have Son live with us before he is discharged from the hospital. Thanks for the suggestions and tips. I will update this post as I learn more.