"WIBTA if I locked my roommate out all night?"
I (22F) live with my ex (21M). We moved in together in February, but broke up shortly after because he was a lot different to live with compared to how we would visit each other's apartments beforehand.
Around March or April, his key broke. Thankfully it didn't get stuck in the lock and we have both pieces of the key. Also, it shouldn't cost anything to let the rental company know and get a new key because the key wasn't lost meaning they didn't have to re-key the whole apartment.
I let him know that it was his responsibility because it was his key. He has not done anything to contact the rental company. He refuses to call businesses due to anxiety and also just hasn't contacted them through email or the service portal on the website.
We live in a safe neighborhood, but I prefer to lock the doors especially at night because you never know. Over summer I worked an internship and mainly lived in another city, so I was nice and gave him my key during that time. Now that I'm back home, I took my key back and decided I was done catering to him.
In the 4 weeks I've been back, I've locked him out at least 6 times. I lock that door at night (around 9pm after I get home from work) and when I leave the apartment whether or not he is there. I've been woken up past midnight in a few occasions because he was locked out while on a date.
I thought it I was more serious about the consequences if him not getting a new key then he would finally just do it. I'm now debating keeping him locked out the whole night and refusing to wake up and let him in.
He knows I'm upset about this and all my friends agree it might be the push he needs to be a responsible adult. But I honestly feel bad about going through with it. It's still warm outside so staying out in the weather isn't an issue. His parents also live an hour away so it's not like he has nowhere to stay if I this.
I've honestly struggled with standing my ground my whole life and can't tell if this would be an overreaction and going too far. At the same time, I'm sick and tired of not locking the door at night or when no one is home. I don't think it is my responsibility to cater to his schedule and disrupt my own whenever he needs let into the apartment. WIBTA?
Here's what people had to say to OP:
LiveKindly01 said:
NTA. He should not be living on his own if he can't make a stupid phone call to get a new key. That level of anxiety is debilitating, and he has no business being on his own. He either NEEDS to do it or go back home and live with mom because the other option is, and has been, others doing stuff for him.
Be done with it. I'd be concerned that he can't lock the door when HE leaves the house, leaving it open while you're both gone? How does THAT work?
Haunting-Plantain870 said:
Wait, what? He refuses to call businesses due to anxiety. His anxiety is so crippling that he can't run down to the hardware store and get a key made, but he's out late at night? I call bull. He's playing you, OP.
stizzyoffthehizzy said:
He can go on dates but suffers from “too much anxiety” to simply send an email for a new key or make a 2 minute phone call? Lmao.
Ok_Tonight_3703 said:
NTA. Nobody’s locking him out. OP is locking the door to protect herself and her property. Locking him out would mean that she changed the locks. If her roommate can’t even email and request a new key that’s a him problem. Maybe he needs to reach out to his parents for help.
His issues are not OP responsibility. What would he do if he lived alone? I bet he would figure it out. OP I hope you can move soon but until then I would tell him that you will not be getting up in the middle of the night or any time to let him in.
Corpunlover said:
NTA. Replacing a broken key is such basic adulting. That ex-bf can't manage something so simple is truly embarrassing, so, OP, don't listen to anyone telling you to be the "bigger person." Bigger person, my butt. It's been 5-6 months, ffs. He can't fix such a minor problem on his own in half a year?!
OP, it's loooooong past time for you to stand your ground with this idiot, and you don't need to "warn" him one last time. Do whatever you need to do to teach him a lesson and do it now. If you don't want to deal with the pounding on the door that will surely result, sleep elsewhere, if you can, for at least a week. Hopefully, by the time you return, he's woken the hell up and replaced his effing key.
Realistic_Head4279 said:
NTA. Just tell your roommate that in the future you will be continuing to lock your apartment for security reasons and that you will no longer be getting up once you are asleep to give him access to the apartment so that he will be forewarned and hopefully prepared with a Plan B. You're his roommate, not his mother.
After readying the comments, OP edited the post to include:
Because a lot of people are asking, no he can't go to the hardware store and just make a new key. In our lease, we're not allowed to make our own copies. But new keys are maybe $10 from the company. It's just a safety thing, but it's legally binding.
Thank you for the advice. I'm gonna grow a backbone now. I'll let him know tonight that I'm locking the door at 9:30pm sharp every night and will no longer lose sleep over him. I won't leave my classes early for him, I won't let him pick up the key from me either. I'll update if something significant happens. It's been too long of my friends calling me stupid for continuing to let him walk over me.