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'WIBTA if I refused to let my niece wear my wedding dress? I don’t like this girl.' UPDATED

'WIBTA if I refused to let my niece wear my wedding dress? I don’t like this girl.' UPDATED


"WIBTA? My niece wants my wedding dress and I think I’m going to refuse."

I married 30 years ago and was lucky enough to have a custom made dress. I was very thin at the time and the dress design I chose was not typical 90s. Think more regency style dress.

I stored it away and carried on with life. I was blessed with sons and one daughter. I will be honest, my daughter is a totally different body shape to me and I realised when she hit puberty, she would never wear my dress. She has a beautiful hourglass figure whereas I was catwalk model thin.

My brother has two adult daughters, one is built like my daughter, the other is thinner. This is the one who asked for my dress after she got engaged at Christmas.

I don’t like this girl. She is immature for a 27 year old, she is an attention seeker and intentionally unemployed hyperchondriac. She’s one of those people on FB who posts cryptic comments and when someone enquires what’s wrong, she responds with ‘I’ll message you hun’.

I dread any family events with her attendance because guaranteed she will become ill at some point (and her mom will have to take her home or find her a room ‘to rest’) or talk over the speeches or demand to dance with the host.Every. Time. It gets old.

I don’t have a close relationship with any of that side and my husband and kids think she has munchaunsen. So she sends me a text saying ‘hi aunty, just got engaged and really want to wear your dress for the big day. Have you still got it?’

I haven’t responded yet. I called my mom asking how niece even knew about the dress.

She said because she told her. Mom said that she offered the dress knowing it was stored away and that because niece was on a budget, using my dress would be a great idea. "And it’s not like your daughter will wear it because she’s so large." that hurt. She’s not large. She’s got boobs and a butt that woman pay good money for. There’s a difference.

So, After laying into my mother about insulting my kid and then laying into her again for offering something that didn’t even belong to her, I hung up.

I’m not a sentimental person. I love the dress but if my daughter wanted to cut it up and use peices of it, I wouldn’t mind. I just don’t want to see it on my niece and I don’t want to deal with the drama if I say no. WIBTA if I refused?

Here's what people had to say to OP:

Exciting_Problem_593 asks:

Why isn't the girl looking for her own mother's dress? She's way too entitled.

rebootsaresuchapain OP responded:

My brother never married his daughter’s mother. She did marry someone else later on but it wasn’t a traditional wedding with a dress.

Imaginary-Yak-6487 says:

NTA. Your mom & niece can f*&) off.

AdkRaine12 says:

Your dress. You get to decide what happens to it. Your mom has no right to give your dress away.

PrideofCapetown says:

I’m an Ah. I’d tell the niece that grandma wants to take her dress shopping as a wedding gift, since the wedding is on a tight budget.

If grandma is ok with giving away other people’s stuff, then she should be ok with people giving her stuff away. 2 wrongs may not make a right, but they might shut the a^%$#le grandma up.

Kduff722 says:

OP, please do this one!!👆🏻🤣🤣🤣

ActualTeddyRoosevelt says:

I think wedding dresses are one of the few items you can be extremely petty over. It doesn't matter the reason, a "no" should be respected.


Thank you for all your comments. They gave me good advice and highlighted things I hadn’t actually thought about. One suggestion was that I should answer back ASAP. That niece may take the silence as ‘no news is good news’ and image that she’s has permission. I believe she would be the kind of person to post on FB ‘Thank you Aunty for giving me your dress!’ without getting a response, so I texted her back a few hours after her initial text.

Next recommendation was to hide the dress or suggestions my mom had already shown her the dress, so get it back. Luckily my mom doesn’t have the dress at her home, it’s in my possession and it isn’t in easy access, you’d have to know where it is to find it. Our home has cameras, but I don’t think this niece is that determined. She’s very much a ‘"f it’s hard work I can’t be bothered" kind of person.

I called my daughter and had a conversation regarding what she would like me to do with the dress. She liked the idea of using pieces for her wedding and maybe making keepsakes for any daughter in laws that enter our lives. So that decision has been settled.

The last recommendation was ensure that all interested parties were kept in the loop and made aware of my decision so there is no miscommunication later down the line. So I copied my text response to niece and sent it to my brother and my niece’s mother to ensure they all knew. I will tell my own mom when I’ve calmed down and feel like talking to her again.

Onto the text. "No" is a complete answer, but once again I feel that my mom needed to be called out for her part in all this. (Our mother has a habit of volunteering her family’s time and resources to make herself look good. There’s a lot of resentment with us kids over this behavior.)

"Hi (niece). Once again, congratulations on the engagement news, I’m so happy for you both. I do still have my dress but I’m afraid that Nanna mislead you to believe my dress was available to be loaned out. My dress has great sentimental value to me and (daughter’s name) will be the only other person to have access to it. I’m sure when you contact Nanna again, she’ll be able to help to find you an alternative dress. See you all at Easter Xxx."

She texted back immediately "ok, thanks anyway." I copied this message to my brother with a comment "This is for you to deal with in case there is drama. Mom has been trying to play the hero with other people’s things again." He hasn’t responded yet.

So that’s it so now. I checked niece’s FB page this morning and there was no passive aggressive memes or comments (that I can see) about family not supporting her or "not being the favorite and that’s how she likes it," so hopefully this will blow over. Hopefully.

Here's what top commenters had to say after the update:

Wide-Palpitation-754 said:

That's a relief :) I am happy that all is well. But update us if there is some drama ;)

MrsRetiree2Be said:

You handled this beautifully. And I'm so happy that your daughter has plans for your dress. I've seen lots of ideas online...making a shawl or shrug, making a detachable train...And I'm glad you looped in your brother so everyone is in the know. Your mom just needs to stop this behavior.

GamallSoro said:

You handled this beautifully! And though handling something well doesn’t necessarily mean anyone else will (*ahem, niece and mother), you can rest assured your side of the street is tidy. Transparency and directness ftw!

Knittingfairy09113 said:

Good job!! My mom had part of her dress turned into pillows that we used for the rings for both my wedding and my sibling's ceremony. I have mine (currently hiding in a closet away from destructive pets lol) and treasure it.

OrcEight said:

Hey great text! You worded that very well. I like also that you ensured your brother/her father handled this from now on.

Everyone was on OP's side for this one. What's your advice for this family?

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