'WIBTA if I reject my hubby's try to fix my birthday?' 'I saw him leaving on the door cam.' UPDATED

"WIBTA if I reject my hubby's try to fix my birthday?"

It's my birthday today, yay...he congratulated me yesterday and I initially just laughed it off and said it’s tomorrow but thank you. We had a huge argument yesterday (not related to birthday stuff or anything like that).

Today he tells me that he hasn’t gotten me anything because we talked a couple weeks ago and agreed no gifts because we’ve spent a lot on me lately (new glasses, got my hair done, got a really nice expensive Mother’s Day gift) but I told him back then that it would be nice with something small like flowers or something like that.

So today he told me "sorry I haven’t gotten you anything...but we agreed no gifts," and I then reminded him that something small would have been nice, he then got upset and said "well, when would I have had the time to do that," then he asked if we should order in sushi for my birthday dinner and I told him I don’t really feel like celebrating anymore.

I went to nap with our baby and I saw him leaving on the door cam, I texted him to not get me anything if that’s what he’s planning on doing, just saw him come back with flowers. WIBTA if I reject it now...?

UPDATE:

I think I’ve read through all the comments, thank you for your input - to both AH voters and NTA voters. I didn’t reject the flowers because I didn’t want to add another thing to fight about since we haven’t really resolved what we were fighting about yesterday (yay to those who voted WBTAH).

I graciously accepted the flowers and told him they are very nice looking and was genuinely happy that he had even trimmed and put them in a vase for me. I still don’t want sushi and a celebration but that is more in regards to the big fight we had yesterday and I let him know that.

We agreed that he will take the baby in the evening so I can have some me time with a book and a bath. I never said that getting my hair done and getting new glasses were considered gifts, just that they were expenses towards me. I was clear about wanting something small even tho we agreed to not get me a (big) gift this year, I still wanted a gesture.

I’ve mentioned macarons from my favorite confectionery, a card with his handwriting on it, chocolates, me time with a bath (which yay I finally get!) or to sleep in, yummy food (he knows how to cook) etc...so I felt hurt that he did nothing until he realized it actually made me sad.

I never wanted to make a big stink out of it and tried to brush it off but I can’t hide that I felt hurt and when I went to nap with the baby I got angry seeing that he left to get flowers which he claimed he didn’t have time to do (it took him about 20 minutes btw)…also we live in Norway and Norwegian Mother’s Day was just a few weeks ago so it was a recent gift.

Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:

Odd-Professor-5309 said:

NTA. New glasses and getting your hair done are just a part of life. It's not a special treat. Your husband didn't have to spend a fortune to show that you are special to him on your birthday.

frankyhart said:

NTA. It's not about the gift, it's the lack of effort. You have a small baby. It's easy to lose yourself in taking care of your baby. Finally there is a day that should be about you at least a moment in the day to make you feel special. Unfortunately, he put in no effort and then got upset with you when you expressed your disappointment in a truly disappointing birthday.

Pineapple_Fish456 said:

NTA - Don’t get me anything doesn’t mean don’t do anything, or even bother to remember when my birthday is. Really how hard is it to make you breakfast, offer to watch the little one for a bit so you can have some time to yourself, make you a card, make a bowl of popcorn and tell you to pick your favorite movie to watch tonight...But he can’t be bothered to do anything until after you said something? He’s TA.

Sure_Assist_7437 said:

NTA. Your husband sounds willfully incompetent.

HerderOfWords said

NTA. It's not a gift anymore, it's a bribe to shut you up so he doesn't have to think about how inadequate of a partner he's being right now. It's not about a thing, it's about caring and being mindful/thoughtful.

Additionally, going out to get flowers, after you expressly told him not to, is boundary stomping. If you reject them now he will twist it into being your fault instead of owning up to his lack of care

Primary-Friend-7615 said:

NTA. The bar was so damn low - you just wanted flowers - and not only did he not get you the flowers you asked for, he got the day wrong (and then also picked a fight, which is…interesting timing). And after he announced you wouldn’t be getting a birthday gift in the first place??

OP, there’s a trap women often fall into where we put our own needs and desires on the back burner to make things easier for the other people in our lives. And I think you’ve fallen into it, and your husband is encouraging it because it’s easier for him to do nothing than it is for him to be considerate and kind.

Getting glasses that you need to see, and basic self-care like a haircut, does not mean that you no longer “deserve” a birthday present. Would you honestly be saying the same thing to your husband - “no birthday present or celebration for you” - if his birthday happened to fall on Father’s Day the week after he went to a football match or something??