Ex-wife’s stay creates household harmony, but relatives label wife 'crazy' for letting her stay. AITA? + UPDATE
"WIBTA if I tell my husbands ex she has to move out?"
Competitive-End3344
I (35F) have been married to my husband (37M) for 1 year but we've been together for 3. He has 2 children (6F) (8M) from his previous relationship. (We do not have any kids together.) Their mom Anne (34F) has one other child (4F).
They have a good co-parenting relationship and Anne and I get along. The Last week when Anne picked up the kids (we have week on week off) she told us that the kids might need to spend a few weeks with us because her and her current husband are getting a divorce.
The house is in his name (he had it when they got together) and she's been a stay at home mom for their whole relationship. She said she was going to stay with her sister but they don't have enough room for all 3 kids.
I jumped in before my husband could say anything and offered her the guest room and told her the girls can share a room here just like they do at her house. That way she didn't have to miss her time with the kids and we could help with her daughter while she gets a job and gets things figured out. She thanked us and said she'd let us know when she would be moving out as soon as she could.
My husband asked me if was 100% okay with it, and that it would be fair to get her in here and then have an issue later. I told him I was okay and we'd work through anything that comes up.
That was 3 months ago, she's lived with us for 2 months now and everything is great. It's actually better than great if I'm being honest. Having her here means I don't have to take both kids to the store if I need something for dinner.
Housework is divided between 3 people. She's gotten a job and isn't having to pay for childcare (which is about $700 a week in our area) Even though I told her she didn't have to she is giving us $500 a month for bills.
I was talking to my sister and cousin at our early thanksgiving and my sister said I'm crazy for letting her stay with us. That I'm "devaluing myself as a partner" and "being an AH to myself" for allowing this to continue. My cousin agrees with her. She said the only reason his ex would agree to stay is if she still wanted to sleep with him and him agreeing means he wants it too.
I don't see them behaving any differently than before, and I truly trust my husband. But now I'm starting to doubt my decision. WIBTA if I tell her she needs to find somewhere else to live? AITA to myself if I don't listen to them and let her stay?
The OP also returned with a small update.
Competitive-End3344
Thank you all for your comments. You're right, this isn't the first time I've let my older sister's comments get into my head. I sent her a text and told her that my household isn't her concern and if she doesn't trust the man in her life she should focus on her own.
Thanks for the reality check.
Anne is dying over the number of sister wives comments. Have a good evening and happy holidays to every one <3
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's post:
BigPapaBear24
TBH, I think you're letting your family judge you on this. If things are going great, why change them? Just because two people who have no idea about the situation and are on the outside looking in are saying it's one thing vs. the other? It sounds like jealousy, if you ask me. Did they only say it after you gushed about how easy it was?
For most people, this would be a hell no, but most people don't have the sort of relationship you have with your husband's ex. And, like, did they split amicably? Has she ever shown ANY sort of inappropriate desires to your husband?
If you feel there's a reason to have her move out, then by all means do it. But don't let anyone force you to second-guess what you know to be true, either on Reddit or in your personal life. Ultimately, if you see no red flags or "dangers," then there's no reason to kick her out.
Competitive-End3344 (OP)
Yeah, they only said something after I told them that she was helping by making dinner a few times a week. Or helping with laundry. When I said it was making my life easier is when they started telling me I was crazy for letting it happen.
They did split amicably, they got together young, rushed into marriage and babies because their parents wanted grandbabies and then figured out they weren't right for each other.
MKatieUltra
That sounds like a great arrangement, I wish my husband's ex wasn't trash. 🤣
But absolutely don't let your family mess up a good thing.
Mobile_Following_198
YWBTA if you kicked out the ex based on your sister's and cousin's commentary. You don't have a problem with your husband's ex. You have a problem with your own spine. You even liked the arrangement you have going on until you mentioned it to someone else, and you allowed their baseless criticism to intrude on something that you yourself said was good for everyone involved.
Like what you like, keep the husband's ex there until she's ready to move out if it's making everyone happy, and tell your sister and cousin to kick rocks if they have any judgmental and unwanted thoughts to spew again.
corgihuntress
People are nosy and pushy and annoying. Until they said something, you were happy. You were happy with your husband and happy having the ex there. Now your sister and cousin have stirred up your doubts because you're not living the traditional marriage.
But why can't exes just get along? He doesn't have to be interested her and she doesn't have to be interested in him. You're supporting each other and it's helping the kids which is amazing, and she's being a good house guest.