'WIBTA if I uphold our rule of a child-free wedding?' 'My sister-in-law won't come.'

"WIBTA if I uphold our rule of a child-free wedding if it means my SIL won't come?"

My wedding is a micro event for around 25 people max in early August. I have a sister with two kids under 3 and a brother with a kid who's around 1 yo at the time. We are child free and want our wedding to be as well. Just a quick dinner and cake with family and friends, nothing special. Even our ceremony was a civil one with three witnesses earlier this month.

So my sister comes from across the country (500km so around 300 miles) and is happily leaving the kids with their paternal grandparents and is accommodating to our wishes and even said she's happy for a child free weekend. My SIL on the other hand is different.

She and my brother live under 30 mins away. At first she was happy with our offer to hire an on site babysitter (I know they wouldn't leave their child anywhere) or even two, knowing they'd be anxious.

Then about a month ago she let me know she can't leave her child with a stranger, even them being at the other end of the same house and if their child couldn't participate, she might have to stay home with the kid. I then suggested she ask someone she knows and is comfortable with and we'd pay them what we'd pay for the other babysitter.

She said it's difficult for her 1 year old to miss out on their aunt getting married. What? One year olds run around and throw food and scream, while cute of course they're not missing out on anything! They don't understand yet!

So now if the friend can't come to babysit or doesn't agree to our pay, am I a horrible bridezilla if I refuse to make an exception for a one year old on our "no kids" policy? Is denying the one year old worth not having my SIL at my wedding?

I might cave if there were other kids who I had to turn away, the wedding was bigger and they'd get lost in the chaos/noise, but I fear they will cause some sort of disturbance no matter how well they behave.

Here's what people had to say to OP:

_goneawry_ said:

NTA you have offered your SIL two reasonable alternatives. It's her choice now, you don't need to take it personally if she chooses to come or not. Your one-year-old niece/nephew is not missing out on anything, they will not remember your wedding.

Pale_Cranberry1502 said:

NTA - from someone who wouldn't personally have a child-free wedding. You've decided on child-free. It's up to her to get baby acclimated to someone she trusts to stay with them overnight beforehand. If not, that's on her.

Allaboutbird said:

NTA. You can set the rules you want for your wedding. It would be N AH if SIL respected your wishes and just didn't come instead of pushing back.

Less_Instruction_345 said:

NTA. She is choosing to stay with her child which is totally understandable. You are choosing a childfree wedding which you are perfectly entitled to do. The two aren't compatible and therefore she will miss the wedding.

Trying to guilt you by saying the one year old will miss it is silly because the one year old wont remember. Stand your ground, you have provided very reasonable options that she has declined as is her right.

CrimsonKnight_004 said:

NTA - It won’t be hard on the one year old to miss their aunt getting married, lol. They have no concept of that yet. It sounds like it’s really just hard on your SIL to be apart from her baby right now, and if that’s the case, she can make the decision to stay home.

There’s no reason for you to alter your plans or accommodate her here. You’re not targeting her, she’s aware of the rules and can make her own decision on whether to come or not.

wisernow57 said:

NTA. You have made generous offers of accommodations and she’s the one who refused them. If it’s a huge issue maybe have her come to ceremony with child for pictures, but then can be excused to not attend reception.

Unless, of course, child can be cared for by a non family member on the other side of the house (which she has already said no to). It’s on her now.