Fed up and outnumbered mom asks, 'WIBTA if I install locks on the toilet seat?'
"WIBTA if I install locks on the toilet seat?"
I (40f) live with my 2 teenaged sons (15m and 14m) and my husband (42m). Recently we remodel a room for my 15 year old to have his own bedroom, but he has to share the same bathroom as me and my husband.
Prior to this room change I didnt have an issue with the toilet seat being left up because it rarely happened. This last week I have had to replace the toilet paper a lot more frequently and cant go into the bathroom without having to touch the dirty toilet seat to put it back down.
Of course every time I ask who left it up everyone always says "oh it wasn't me". My husband backs me up when he is awake (he works night shift for context), but considering that means that the 17 hours he is either at work or asleep i am stuck being the parent in charge.
Tonight was the last straw I walked in to go use the bathroom before bed and had to shut the lid down again this is the 7th time today. When i told my son either put the lid down or use the other bathroom he smarted off "well you are the only female in the house why should we have to close the lid."
I have had enough of his attitude considering i have been busting my butt to ensure he had his own bedroom. Seriously feels like I am the only parent most days because of my husband's work schedule.
I threatened to put a child lock on the seat and my son literally responded with "good luck cleaning pee off the seat then". Would I be the AH if I install child locks on the toilet?
Just to add some clarity he is now grounded for his disrespect and language he thinks is OK to use at me. Ok so backstory, we moved into this house last year. In our house we moved from, the boys had basically their own living room, bathroom, and bedrooms.
Our house we moved into is small. It was originally 2 bedroom 2 bathrooms. We remodeled the laundry/storage room into another bedroom for my oldest son. Prior to this the boys had a bathroom of their own in their room.
"My" bathroom was off of the hall. The "master bedroom" was the boys room even though it wasn't much larger than the one my husband and i have. So my 15 year old now has the room across the hall from us. Prior to this room switch he shared a bathroom with his brother and if they left the seat up that was their own issue seeing as they didn't use mine.
As for how my son's punishment he is now grounded from my bathroom and has to use the one in his brother's room. Since neither of them admitted to leaving it up they both have to share again. He also is currently washing laundry and cleaning my bathroom. His words were "I am sorry for what I said and I understand why you are mad".
Here is what readers had to say in response to the OP’s post:
Don't put a lock on the toilet lid, put a lock on the bathroom door and don't give him a key.
You're putting the lock in the wrong place, just lock him out of that bathroom altogether, he can solely use the other one. And since he seems to think he is somehow in charge of anything, I'd be winding back on things he has access to, like gaming, wifi etc. If he thinks being a male in the house trumps being a parent, then he needs to start learning some lessons in respect.
NTA. Son needs an attitude adjustment or he's well on his way to being the kind of man women avoid with that level of disrespect and entitlement. "You're the only woman so why should we put it down?" Maybe because you should be respectful of the women you live with even if it's just one?
Novel-Blueberry-3679 (OP)
His dad's doesn't act like this so I am unsure where he gets it from.
Either the wrong side of the internet or his friends' influence. Dad needs to have a man to man talk with him about how to treat women.
That ‘you’re the only female’ comment? Big yikes. Time for a crash course in basic respect and shared living. Lock the seat if you want. That’s parenting with consequences. NTA.
NTA for the spirit of that decision. But a 15 year old is hardly going to be stymied by a child lock. A more effective punishment would be making him come into the room every time the seat is not down.
If you have to drag him away from a game, or interrupt a phone call or what ever and make him sanitize the toilet, wipe the floor and put the seat down. If you make him do that 5 or 7 or 10 times a day, he will get the message eventually.
You might want to have a go through his internet history too, that rhetoric he's spouting has some toxic manosphere vibes. You'll want to have a serious chat with your husband about where your son(s) might be picking up these ideas too.
Novel-Blueberry-3679 (OP)
That isn't a bad idea actually.
Another one is to make him open and close the toilet seat an absurd amount of times. Because he needs to practice, obviously.
I mean, I think a 15 y/o is going to be able to open a child lock on a toilet. Everyone in the household should be closing all the lids before they flush to prevent the aerosolized (?) urine and feces particles from misting throughout the bathroom.