'WIBTA if I rescinded my offer to hire a babysitter for my child-free wedding?'

"WIBTA if I rescinded my offer to hire a babysitter for my child-free wedding?"

I'm getting married in a little less than a month, and my partner and I decided back in November to have a child free wedding. Shortly after making this decision, a bridesmaid and my sister announced they were pregnant.

We made it clear at Christmas with the family, and went over it again at Easter, that we were still having a child free wedding but we would offer to pay for a babysitter who would be about 5 minutes away from the venue.

Cut to father's day (June 15th), and my sister mentions she thinks her baby should be fine at the wedding as long as she is holding him. I stopped her and reminded her that we are having a child free wedding, so she responded "then I guess we aren't going." I told her about the offer for a babysitter close by, but she didn't respond. So I said I respect whatever decision she makes and left it at that.

Currently, I have not heard anything else from my sister, but I know she called my mom to complain about it. She claimed she never was told the wedding was child free, and thinking back, it's possible they didn't know as they often doesn't join family events because they are "sick." I also don't think she ever took the effort to RSVP online, so she may not have seen the invitation was only for her and her husband.

My bridesmaid has decided to organize her own arrangements for the baby, so she won't need to use the babysitter. So, I'm now considering rescinding my offer for a babysitter.

It will cost us easily $300 to rent the space and pay the sitter, and I would not be surprised if despite saying they will come and need the babysitter that they will cancel last minute. I also wouldn't be surprised if they didn't respect the no-child rule and tried to sneak the baby into the reception.

However, they do not have the money to pay for their own sitter, so by doing so, I will be essentially uninviting them from the wedding. It probably goes without saying at this point, but yes, my relationship with my sister has been strained for many years. WIBTA if I told my sister the offer for a babysitter was off the table?

Here's what people had to say to OP:

WinterGirl91 said:

YTA it’s sounds like we are talking about two newborns, and most people can’t just leave a newborn with a sitter for a whole day. You can have a no child rule - but you can’t be upset if people choose being with their own children over attending your wedding.

Adventurous-Smile251 said:

It’s your wedding so your rules at the end of the day. Expecting a new mother to leave a newborn with a babysitter she’s never met is wild. Also, I don’t know..breastfeeding!!! You’re essentially telling your sister you just don’t want her there.

Usrname52 said:

YTA because you're not sure she was there when you said it was childfree? If literally the only people who this was relevant to was your friend and your sister, this should have been a direct, 1:1 conversation with your sister. Most people would decline the offer for a babysitter they don't know.

thoughtfulish said:

YTA: it’s a newborn, your niece or nephew and she’s your sister. The baby isn't going to be moving around and if he cries, she’ll just take him out.

jgray1970 said:

At my brother's wedding I had a 6 month old. My best friend offered to come and help me with the baby. She had her during the ceremony and most Of the reception. I nursed her privately and even put her down to bed.

The bride and groom were not bothered and didn’t even know. This sounds like a silly thing to be so adamant about. I can understand not wanting toddlers and older kids. But it’s pretty hard to leave a nursing baby. If you really can’t have your sister there with her baby, then tell her. But this may further damage your relationship long term. YTA.

Normal-Height-8577 said:

NTA, but only if you use your words and tell your sister explicitly "Hey, you haven't RSVP'd yes or no. I need to know if you're coming to my wedding, and if you want me to employ a babysitter for your kid. If you don't reply by [firm deadline] I will have to mark you all down as not coming and cancel the babysitter."

Constant-Internet-50 said:

Idk a newborn is not a “child” imo and it’s really hard to leave a newborn. And she’s your sister. I get child free weddings and not having little menaces running around but a baby isn’t going to do anything except sleep and feed. If you care to have her there is make an exception personally but I have kids so I get how hard it is. Idk about ah but I don’t think you’re being especially conscientious.

After reading the comments, OP provided more information:

The baby will be 6 weeks old at the time of the wedding. The bridesmaid's baby will be 7 weeks old. We offered to rent a house which is a 5 minute walk from the venue where the babysitter would be, or they could take turns watching the baby in that space.

I have not reached out to my sister regarding the wedding (yes I have spoken to her to congratulate her on the baby) since our last conversion in June since I'm not yet sure whether I am still willing to offer the babysitter as an option.

I worry she will ask for the sitter, but then not come at the last minute. No other person attending the wedding is interested in the babysitter option, as they worked out their own alternatives already.