So I (20F) am currently stressing on something between my sister Emma (22F) and my brother Erick (21M). For background my brother and Julia (22F) used to date back in high school. We had know each other since we were kids as Julia was Emma’s best friend growing up.
However her and my brother broke up 3 years ago due to her moving to a different state for college. Their breakup obviously affected my brother negatively, but eventually he moved on and had a few girlfriends here and there, but nothing serious until he got with my friend Ben (20M).
Me and Ben have been friends since high school as compared to my siblings I always been more quiet and introverted as well as my friend group which Ben is part of. Ben and my brother met when we were in high school but they never talked as he is as introverted as me.
I honestly don’t know how they even ended up together but they did, they began dating a few months ago & my brother came out to the family. They do make a great couple and balance each other out.
My sister on the other hand wasn’t happy, as she has this weird loyalty to Julia and always made sour faces whenever my brother brought home anyone after his break up because in her mind Julia is the one for him and that Julia wanted him to wait for her. But she honestly thought this was another one of my brothers flings but she finally realized that my brother is in fact serious about Ben.
Now to the main problem: so my sister is currently engaged and her wedding planning has honestly been so stressful as my sister has been extremely unorganized as her wedding is on February 1st…yeah you heard it right…FEBRUARY 1st.
That’s literally a few weeks from now and she is barely sending out the invites. She has a MOH but she can only do so much as my sister has taken over the planning & nobody questioned it as it’s her wedding.
Luckily she is having a small wedding with mostly only family and a few friends so most of them know that her wedding is that day even without the invitations. Then a few days ago she told me she is gonna forbid my brother to bring Ben as his plus one as Julia will be there and according to my sister, Julia confided in her that she still has feelings for my brother.
They are planning on excluding Ben from the wedding so Julia can go have a moment with my brother. I told her she is insane and told my mom about this, but she sided with Emma saying that Erick is clearly going through a phase and that he and Julia belong with each other...
She told me to mind my own business and that my sister can invite who she wants to her wedding. I honestly don’t know what to do. I know I will be wrong if I don’t tell my brother what my sister is planning, but at the same time my mom is right and my sister can invite who she wants as it is her wedding.
How should I handle this? Tbh this wedding has been a mess from start to finish so I’m just stressed from everything. My family has always been open-minded and has never once made bigoted comments towards anyone as one of my cousins is a lesbian and everyone supports her...
So I don’t know why they are so hostile toward Ben and keep saying my brother is going through a phase and keep deluding themselves with the idea Julia is my brother's soulmate when they have been broken up for 3 years.
Fluffy_Sheepy said:
Yes YTA if you don't tell your brother. They are planning to do something that would hurt him and his boyfriend. If you don't tell him and you allow this insanity to go unchallenged, you will be a massive AH. Not as big as your sister, mother, and Julia, but still a big AH.
redhead9390 said:
YTA. You need to tell your brother. Your sister does have the right to invite who she wants to her wedding what she doesn’t have the right to do is try to screw up your brother’s relationship. That is dirty and a huge betrayal.
You telling your brother has zero to do with her wedding. Don’t be the third person who is stabbing him in the back. Your family doesn’t get to dictate who he’s with.
Accomplished-Emu-591 said:
Tell your brother and leave the decision up to him. Yes, your sister has the right to "invite who she wants to her wedding." But your brother has the right to refuse to attend when his partner is banned and there is a plot against him.
Obviously your mother is ignoring reality to claim he "going through a phase." Your sister has no business plotting romantic interludes for your brother against his wishes. NTA, if you tell him.
grayblue_grrl said:
Tell your brother. He doesn't deserve this manipulation and disrespect. And since you know, you would be participating in it, willingly. You would be the asshole to not warn him so he can make his own decision.
Born-Eggplant8313 said:
NTA. Your mother is correct that your sister can invite her good friend if she wants, but it sounds like it's not going to stop there. It sounds, in fact, like they are planning on ambushing your brother.
And their reasons are so dismissive of his autonomy and his ability as an adult to make his own decisions about what's best for him. It's actually horrifying. Please look out for your brother. He has no idea what your sister and mother are planning and it's so wrong
fiestafan73 said:
Imagine telling someone to mind their own business when they are planning to ambush another person with his ex. Maybe they should mind their own business. Absolutely tell your brother about this ridiculous scheme that frankly sounds like something out of a bad Hallmark movie. NTA.
So I posted two days ago asking for advice and everyone was advancing me to tell my brother. I didn’t tell my brother as I first wanted to have a conversation with my sister and hopefully fix whatever was going on before making it into a bigger drama.
We had a talk the day I posted this and surprisingly she was open to having a conversation and I asked her why is she so hung up in the idea that Julia and Erick belong together.
She told me that when Julia broke up with my brother Julia was heartbroken bc she loved him but that she knew it was for the best. I asked my sister why now that our brother is in a committed relationship did Julia decide to come back? That our brother was willing to do long distance with her back then so I don’t get why Julia is acting this way.
My sister told me that Julia had known for a while my brother had a few flings here and there but nothing serious as my sister had been telling her everything that went on with my brother. Then Ben came into the mix and my sister at first assumed that he was another one of my brother flings and told Julia about it.
But then they both kinda realized my brother is serious about Ben since it has almost been a year since they been together and Julia panicked because I guess she thought my brother would never move on from her? I honestly don’t know what went through her head and why my sister keeps enabling her.
So basically after that explanation I told my sister that Julia needs to move on and that they are both acting crazy for doing this, not my best moment but I honestly didn’t know how to react to all this.
My sister got mad and basically ended up yelling at me to leave so I did. I was planning on telling my brother that night everything but then she called me and told me I was right and that she and Julia where being cruel for doing this.
Apparently she had a change of heart after our conversation so that’s something I guess. A part of me is still questioning the sudden change. Idk should I still tell my brother? She did sound sincere so why poke the bear and make bigger drama? Idk what do y’all recommend I do? I think I’m just stressing myself over this but what should I do?
EDIT: Guys I’m telling him, thank you for opening my eyes, this comments made me realize that regardless of wether my sister did or didn’t do her plan she had with Julia it was still insane to think and plan that out.
The thought of her just lying so I drop this and wouldn’t tell him but not actually keeping her word never crossed my mind tbh I was just confused by her sudden change of heart but you guys made me realize that could be a possibility and they could still potentially do their plan or as some comments mention have another plan.
Ok_Illustrator5694 said:
You still need to tell him. I wouldn’t trust that they gave up this easily.
Helln_Damnation said:
NTA - For goodness sake give your brother a heads up, because Julia may still be invited to the wedding.
McflyThrowaway01 said:
Your sister is lying. Tell your brother anyway
Chuckiesmom98 said:
I agree with a lot of people, she may just be telling you what you want to hear. I see that you said you are still going to tell your brother. That is good, because Julia and your sister may still be trying to cause problems.
Ladii1893 said:
You'll be causing unnecessary drama. She told you that she won't be singling out, Ben. You're starting drama for no reason. YTA.