'WIBTA if I throw out all the religious gifts that I was gifted for my baby shower?' UPDATED
"WIBTA if I throw out all the religious gifts that I was gifted for my baby shower?
I have only been married to my husband for 6 years, but we have been together for 16 years. We are high school sweethearts and very happily married. During those 16 years, I have attended almost every major family event for his family. His mom's side of his family is very Catholic and so is my husband.
It should be pretty obvious by now that I'm not religious. I never go to any major church holiday event. I always opt out of Sunday mass with his family. I never pray during family prayer.
We did get married in a Catholic church (We were honest with the pastor about everything), but there were some things I couldn't do because I was not Catholic so again it should have been obvious. Pretty much the only time I step foot in a church is if it's a funeral or a wedding.
I was a bit shocked during my baby shower by the sheer number of religious gifts that I got from that side of the family. I have been to other baby showers before with his family and I have not seen a single religious gift. But I got everything from books to clothes to stuffed animals that sing scripture.
Our compromise on religion was that It would be her choice and that we would both follow through with her choices. I grew up in religious schools and felt it was very bad for me. So even doing that was a big compromise for me because I think religion can be cruelly manipulative.
I haven't rushed to throw everything out. The baby will be here in the next few weeks. But it's probably going to happen. I don't really want my baby growing up with religious stuff all around her. It was what we agreed to but I know it might ruffle some feathers. WIBTA If I throw out all the religious baby gifts?
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
ComplexPrize4947 said:
It sounds like you and your husband need to have another conversation about how you will raise your child.
Big-Structure1382 said:
NTA. If it’s a gift you won’t use or don’t want your baby exposed to just yet then donate it.
Old_Angle_3059 said:
NTA, it's important you allow your child to formulate their own opinions; and being surrounded by religious gifts in a house where you aren't interested in it, and you've already laid out boundaries - stand by them.
camkats said:
YTA so you are leaving the decision up to the baby one day but you want to throw out religious gifts? Then you are making the decision not her. Pack them away if you don’t want to see them but no don’t throw them out.
Whether you believe or not, people are praying and asking blessings for your child. Know their intentions are good-they want the best for your child regardless if you agree or not. That counts for something
Old_Angle_3059 said:
NTA, it's important you allow your child to formulate their own opinions; and being surrounded by religious gifts in a house where you aren't interested in it, and you've already laid out boundaries - stand by them.
Apprehensive_War9612 said:
ESH Its clear his family is trying either sway you or overly interject here. But you said your husband is Catholic. You are actually not adhering to the letter of your agreement. You are working to actively block your child’s introduction to your husband’s religion.
That doesn’t allow her to make an informed choice. You’re going to run into bigger issues than a kid’s book if that’s your stance. You don’t have to surround your child with religious iconography but to intentionally toss everything is also extreme.
You should look through everything & work with your husband to determine what you can live with. Alot of “religious” kids books for example can include valuable lessons that would apply to simple good person behavior. Btw- i am not a religious person and do not advocate for any child being indoctrinated.
UPDATE:
I showed him all the gifts last night. We did learn we could remove the sound box from the stuffed animal so we did that that was a good bit of advice. As far as the other gifts he agreed to let me donate them so I'll donate them to a church.
I also told him that if he wanted to get her books that teach about religion and don't preach religion that I'm fine with that. So instead of "God is real and he made everything," it's "Catholics believe there is a god who made everything/ people who are religious may do this/ teaching about different major religions around the world" etc.
Also, for those of you who are asking, Yes we are going to baptize her. I agreed to that. I don't want to torture my husband into thinking that his child is going to go to hell if she dies and it's just a bath to me. But we are going to be honest with the priest about how we're going to raise her, and that it won't necessarily be in the Catholic religion. We also did that when we got married.
I've never been shy about putting up boundaries with his parents. And also it's not really his mom but her family that's doing this. MIL is pretty great and I'm not worried about her respecting those boundaries.