'WIBTA if I told my brother he and his girlfriend should not have a baby?'
"WIBTA if I told my brother he and his girlfriend should not have a baby?"
My (20F) brother (24m) and his girlfriend are apparently trying for a baby. Here's the thing, my brother is a high school dropout, he doesn't work, he isn't back in school, he doesn't do anything basically but go out with his friends and smoke weed all day.
His girlfriend doesn't really have a stable job either, she's a "hairstylist" who has one client every month. My brother and his girlfriend both live in our mother's basement. My mom enables the behavior, she doesn't tell him to get a job, go back to school, or do anything productive.
When I found out they were trying for a baby I immediately thought, why when they have no source of income, no space for a baby, and neither of them are emotionally mature enough to raise a child considering they're in a toxic relationship where they break up every month and constantly cheat on each other.
I told my mother, she needs to tell them they shouldn't be trying for a baby because of all these reasons. She just said they're two adults who can make their own decisions. WIBTA if I told my brother he should not have a baby?
I feel like it'll seem like I'm being judgmental or unsupportive. But this isn't just about him, this is about a human child they'll potential be screwing up by bringing them into this world unprepared.
Here's what people had to say to OP:
chicagok8 said:
If you are close enough to them to feel comfortable, try asking them some leading questions. Like “where would the baby sleep?” “Have you priced out things like diapers, strollers, and other baby gear? How about medical insurance and doctor visits for the baby?” Make it very clear that you will not be available for babysitting or loaning money. After that, all you can do is feel sorry for the kid.
spaetzele said:
Don't waste your breath. YWBTA if you thought relaying him the simple rational outcome of this situation would make him have some major change of heart. Obviously he's not capable of adult reasoning.
However, you could get it on record with both him and your mom that in no way will you be stepping in to help with childcare or their future expenses if they insist upon doing something so outrageously dumb. Let them screw up their own lives.
Chcolatepig24069 said:
NTA but he won’t listen. I wouldn’t say “don’t have a baby” but I agree with the sentiment. I’d just work to find a way to address your issues without saying “you’ll be awful parents." Idk why everyone is saying YTA. Yeah they’re adults but they wanna bring a child into this mess?!
Anxious_Reporter_601 said"
YWNBTA. You will seem judgmental, because you are judging them. And rightly so! They should not bring a child into this world.
WhereWeretheAdults said:
NTA. Now is the time to consider yourself. This will end badly and I can see several scenario's involving you raising or paying for raising their child. That is a non-starter. Protect yourself. Your concerns are legitimate and I feel for any child that comes out of that. You need to look out for yourself. And always demand a paternity test if you are put in any situation where you bear any type of responsibility.
adventuresofViolet said:
Esh, respectfully, you just sound naive thinking telling him that is going to have any kind of an impact at all. The only thing that's going to happen is they're still going to continue to do what they want to do and now be angry at you.