Couples who are constantly playing weird pranks on each other in public might not be your romantic cup of tea, but a few nice gestures of affection to spice up the daily grind can be healthy. So, when a conflicted husband decided to consult the moral compass of the internet otherwise known as Reddit's 'Am I the As*hole' about whether or not he was wrong to deny his wife's TikTok pitches, people were ready to weigh in.
My (29M) wife (28F) and I have been together for about 10 years (married for 2 years), and while not the most affectionate person in public, I am quite affectionate at home when it's just us. Lots of hugs/kisses/physical touching, you name it. Both our love languages is quality time and physical touch, courtesy of her research.
In the past few months, she has joined the TikTok reels and wants to copy things she sees people do/ask their SO in reels or in movies (like when guys lift your chin against a wall, or when the girl asks something to her spouse or boyfriend).
So we'll be eating dinner and I'll be on my phone/working on my laptop, and there will be something in a video she sends me or on a show/movie we're watching, and she'll comment on it as it relates to us or want me to do something to her.
So this morning, she was watching a reel in bed, and it was a man running his hand through his partner's hair. She asked me to do it, and I said no. I might have been a little frustrated cause I was running late for work, and asked her 'Why are you acting like this? We're not in a movie. Do I ask you these kinds of silly stuff?'
I could tell it made her upset and she didn't press it again, and I didn't think anything of it until later when she wasn't texting me like she usually does in the day. I text her asking her what she wants for dinner, and she said she doesn't care. And then she says she is still hurt about this morning about how I was a jerk this morning to her and invalidated how she felt.
AITA for telling her that this isn't a movie, and asking her why she was behaving like this? We hug and kiss all the time, so I feel like she is copying stuff just to get a reaction from me.
Edit: Bought my wife a cupcake and her favorite boba, and went home after work. She arrived half an hour after me, and pouted at me when she saw my peace offerings. We hugged, and I apologized for being an a*s this morning. She apologized for making me feel uncomfortable.
I asked her if she wanted me to do things like that to her, and she said sometimes. But she admitted that she sometimes missed the butterflies when we first dated. (Surprise, I didn't connect the dots that one of our friends just got into a new relationship and has been over the moon about all their cute moments).
So I asked her what to tell me all the 'booktoks' things she's watched that she likes, and she shyly showed me all the ones she bookmarked. So yeah, gonna make the lady happy and sprinkle her weeks with some. And will take into account how to keep our life ~spicy~.
She's asking you to touch her in certain ways dude. Who cares where she is getting the ideas, they turn her on and she wants you to do them to her. Why aren't you interested in listening to what your wife wants you to do to her? YTA.
Your wife is telling you how you can delight her, and you're getting grumpy about it? YTA.
YTA. “Women never tell us what they want so how can I make her happy?!” “Why is she telling me what she wants?!” Pick a lane.
Many husbands would love a wife who told them in simple terms how to make them happy. On top of that, many more husbands would appreciate being told directly how and what made her upset. You are really missing the forest for the trees. As long as the requests are simple and reasonable, keep your wife happy. You owe her an apology. YTA.
YTA. She wants to try things to explore. She had bad timing but you shamed her for wanting you to touch her. What she asked for was not something you seem to have issues with specifically, so when you have time: play with your wife!
If you don’t want to do a specific activity talk to her about why and find other ways to engage. It doesn’t sound like she is wanting to record your activity, so it is for the two of you.
YTA - your comment was hurtful and unnecessary. You can communicate with your wife about limits to how much you are willing to do around TikTok trends, but it should be a supportive, meet in the middle discussion, and not you being dismissive of her.
Yikes...everyone agreed unanimously here that this husband is completely and 100% in the wrong about this one. His wife was simply communicating with him about how she wanted to be loved and he brutally shut down her requests. Better stop by the store and get some roses every day on the way home from work, sir.