"AITA for going to my wife’s book club and giving her the kids?"

I don’t know if I was a jerk or not. My wife has a book club that meets up every Sunday at her friends home. It is suppose to be a lunch thing and she always tells me that she will be home around 3. Ever single time she has been late, the worse was getting home at 7pm. They went on a shopping outing. I have talked to her multiple times and I have expressed it is disrespectful.

I am fine watching the kids ( 8 and 10). What I am not fine with is her lying to me about what time she will get home. It also just makes my life harder since she usually doesn’t get home in time for me to hang out with my own friends so I have to cancel. We both work and the kids are in school. I am an active parent. I don’t have a schedule get out of the home time like my wife does.

So yesterday, I made it very clear that she needs to be home before 4 at the latest because my Uncle is in town and we are suppose to grab dinner before he heads back to his home state.

Well she told me she would be home at 3 and at 3:45 she wasn’t home. I drove to her friend’s house with the kids. When her friend opens the door( it’s around 4:15 now), my wife was there and I handed off the kids to her. I told her I am going to met my uncle and didn’t answer any calls during dinner.

I got home and we got in a huge argument. She thinks I am a huge jerk for humiliating her in front of her friends. I told her this wouldn’t have happens if she just came home on time.

What do you think? AITA? This is what top commenters had to say:

Having-hope3594 said:

Info. Do you try calling or texting her before you went over?

OP replied:

I’ve called, no response

Having-hope3594 said:

NTA. OP tired to call. Wife had already said she would have been home at 3:00. Nothing else had motivated her.

Playful_Pianist_16 said:

NTA. She backed you into a corner. She is the one who brought humiliation onto herself by disregarding your needs and going back on her word. You shouldn't have had to sacrifice time with your uncle. I don't think anything would have been solved by you sitting home one more time stewing and trying to talk to her about it again later.

That wasn't working and repeating the cycle wasn't going to end differently this time. To those saying you brought the kids into it, she is the one who forced your hand. I generally don't like this kind of solution but it was the only option left when SHE wasn't playing fair.

Colanasou said:

Nta. What im seeing is her deciding she can do what she wants every single sunday. She sets up a schedule with you then goes against it without warning or even the courtesy of telling you she will. You asked for 1 important thing and she knew, so she had no respect for it. Shes mad she was embarrassed because she lied to you and her friends got to see it.

SnooCupcakes2000 said:

What do you mean your wife has time to go out but you don’t?

And OP responded:

She has her book club and I have had to cancel my own outings because she doesn’t come home at the agreed time. The weekdays and hectic so I don’t go out then and usally Friday and Saturday we need to split up to get all the kids to their activity’s so I can’t go out then. Sundays are the only good day for one of us to be gone.

Clean_Factor9673 said:

INFO: why couldn't you take your kids to dinner, Why not schedule a babysitter?

And OP responded:

I wanted to catch up with my uncle and not watch the kids while doing that. I wanted to have time away for once. Why would I schedule a babysitter when she should have been home?

And Old_Inevitable8553 said:

NTA. Normally I wouldn't agree to such tactics, as I think embarrassing someone only makes a situation worse. But sometimes, it takes things like this to light a fire under someone's tail to make them realize their own shortcomings.

Your wife was the one that failed to keep her end of things and what happened was a consequence of that action. If she doesn't want it to happen again, then she needs to be more respectful of your time and not act so inconsiderately.

What do you think?