'My wife of 3 years called me boring for my lack of ambition and being content in life.' AITA? + UPDATE
"My wife of 3 years called me boring for my lack of ambition and being content in life."
I love my job. It's close to home and has flexible hours. The pay ain't bad either considering I have no degree. My wife and I with our income can afford a good living. We have two kids. A son and daughter. My son is 4 (we had a kid early on before marriage. Was a happy accident) and my daughter 2.
We were talking Fri and I mentioned my boss was leaving. My wife asked if i was gunna take his spot. I laughed and said "hell no. Who wants it?". This led to a fight. My wife accused me of lacking ambition and said I'm boring for just accepting things in life.
She said it's insane she has to be the breadwinner, she has to claw her way up the corporate ladder. She's ambitious, she constantly takes OT and tries to get promoted but, I've been working same role, same job for 7 years and just accept it. She thinks i've become boring.
My carefree attitude makes her bored. Ambition is sexy, it's what men should be. She said if I grew a backbone I could be making 6 figures by now. We could be living in New York or have a bigger house.
I don't understand her logic. Genuinely don't. I'm happy with my life. I'm content. Why do I have to be a corporate shark constantly seeking my way up the ladder. I just want to my 9-6 and go home. and see my family.
I like having my weekends. I like being happy. We have money. For once we aren't struggling life. How can I tell my wife I'm just happy? Why is someone being happy seen as wrong?
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP’s post:
I think you two need to sit down and discuss your life goals. Where do you want to be in 5, 10 years. Discuss your ideas and compromise.
"we have money"
Actually it sounds like she has money because she's pulling OT, getting raises and working hard. She resents you.
How have you not had this conversation before now?
Four days later, the OP returned with an update.
Well, it's a divorce. We're just two different people going different directions. So, her initial reasons were envy. She admits she was envious I could just accept my life the way it is and be happy with so little. I could be happy never moving up in my career.
She was envious I could go home happy and not stressed and not dread the work week. She never has that luxury. She's always stressed, always feeling worthless for getting such a late start in life.
But, the real reason: she's not happy with her life. She admits to me she can not be happy with this life. Living in the suburbs, being a soccer mom, this life isnt for her. She tried making it work but, she can't do it. She wants to constantly claw her way up the ladder, constantly drive to improve.
She wants a big house, be rich, be somebody and not just live. She wants someone who is equally as ambitious and not, me, someone who is content. She wants to be with someone who is willing to take major risks, spur of the moment plans.
To her it's like a constant pressure. She doesn't want to stay in one place, do the same thing forever. I'm the exact opposite. I don't want to constantly be moving, constantly be doing more. I want to be happy and live a quiet humble life.
She can not understand how I could want too and I could not fathom why she wouldn't either. So we're left at an impasse. We both have decided we can't go on. It isn't fair to either of us nor our kids. Not a happy update I guess.
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP’s post:
I’m very sorry OP. Well at least you guys aren’t wasting time. You’ve processed through this and figured out your goals are different. Eventually you will find a person who’s ideals align with yours, and your spouse will find the same.
It’s not ideal but it’s better the kids grow up in 2 houses where everyone is happy. Tension in unhappy relationships are very apparent to the kids. They pick up the emotions. I hope you heal well and find what you want, and what wants you too, real soon. Good luck Internet stranger.
Reminds me of the story of the businessman trying to convince the fisherman to start a fishing business - grow a fleet of fishing ships, make a million, and retire. Fisherman asks what he’d do when he retires, businessman says he’d get to spend his days leisurely fishing. Fisherman says that’s what he’s doing now.
Considering she was a nutcase anti-vaxxer, I'd say that's a bullet seriously dodged.
As much it sucks, this is the best solution for both sides. It's better to be stuck in a marriage where bitterness and sadness will drown away both sides. Wishing for the best for both.
OP can get the court to let him get the kids vaccinated. I think his wife is in for a rude awakening on how hard it is to be a divorced mom and work daycare hours and find time to date. Instead of being content, she’s going to be a lot more poor.
You know it's a good divorce when both parties are ok with it. I feel bad for the kids, and i think the wife will eventually regret it, but this is ultimately the healthier option. I just wish people lived their lives more willfully for themselves, instead of seeking excitement from outside sources.