'AITA for telling my wife she embarrassed me when she confronted my family?'
"AITA for telling my wife she embarrassed me when she confronted my family?"
Early_Experience4910
My wife and I have a five year old son who was unfortunately born on my mom's birthday. We both really hoped he would come a day after or a day before, so they could both have their own special day, but it just wasn't in the cards.
This tends to mean that my family isn't around when my wife wants to celebrate his birthday. They are usually busy doing something for my mom. It bothers my wife to see him treated as an afterthought, and while I fully understand it, I also feel when someone shows you who they are believe them, and my family is showing us that their priority is my mom.
He will be six soon and this year his birthday falls on a Saturday, so my wife wants to do his party the day of. My family politely said they wouldn't be able to attend, and she vented to me that they are ridiculous a$$h0l3s for prioritizing my mom over a child.
I agreed that they were being annoying, but said the people who truly care will be there. She said she wanted to confront them, and I asked her not to. I said they have the right to make their decision, and we should focus on our son and the people who support him.
Well we recently had a family gathering and my wife decided to go rogue. She waited until my mom was out of the room and confronted my mom's husband and my two sisters, as they are the ones making the plans.
She said they are selfish and embarrassing and need to get their heads out of their butts, if they think a fully grown, adult woman is more important than a five year old child.
Yeah it didn't go well. My sisters began yelling. My mom's husband called her delusional, and my mom was dragged into it which made it more awkward. When we got in the car I expressed annoyance that she embarrassed me by confronting them when I'd asked her not to, and she blew up.
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's post:
soulquencher_can
We have family members who have birthdays on the same day. We always co-celebrate. It's nice seeing Grandma and Junior sitting next to each other blowing out candles on their own cakes. Everyone has a good time. Why does your family see the need to make it about We or They? ESH.
JohnRedcornMassage
I’m just confused because this is so easily solved. They can just have a daytime kid’s party for the little one and a nice dinner for the adult in the evening.
MNGirlinKY
It sounds like Mom doesn’t want to share her birthday and Wife of OP knows this and decided to confront them about it. OP knows his family are A Hs but can’t convince wife not to say anything.
I’m as confused as you. Have two parties. Have them on separate weekends. Do something different, it’s been 6 years. Clearly Mom isn’t changing. OR do this and have a huge family fight. For me I choose low contact with people like this. I feel so bad for OP. He said this would happen and it did.
katievera888
This is exactly the problem. And what kind of grandmother won’t celebrate their grandchild’s birthday or be so excited to share it? A terrible, childish, selfish one—that’s who.
mkennedy2000
I'm a grandpa, I'd way rather go to a grandkids birthday than to my own.
alienlovesong
It sounds like your mother and her family have little to no interest in your son. You don’t have to go no contact, but I would go low contact with them.
Your wife and your son are your family now.
The OP responded here:
Early_Experience4910
we are low contact. My mom is polite when we are together but painfully awkward and surface level.
TiaToriX
This is info you need to put in your post.
If you are already LC, make it no contact for your wife and kid. They are the ones being hurt by your weird AF mother.
ince_lass
You're right, your family have shown they don't care. If they did they would find a way to celebrate both. My mom was so dissapointed my niece was born 3 days before her birthday... she told my sister to put her back in for 3 days 😆
She wanted to share her birthday and would have spent every birthday at her granddaughters birthday party... depending on how they fall weekend wise she may still and she'll be happy to. She's had plenty of birthdays and we'll take her for a meal etc another weekend.
EDIT: after seeing OP's replies on other comments - you're being an AH to your wife. She defended her son as your family are showing what they really think of him that they are not willing to put ANY effort in for one day.
You admit your mom never cared before but suddenly her birthday is a bigger deal than her grandson... who will grow up to remember. Then every reply you post... you defend your family. No wonder your wife is pi$$ed off. Why are you so scared to ask them to celebrate your son?
Future_Outcome
Tons of family members share birth days it’s not that unusual. You have a double party. What’s weird is that this didn’t occur to a single one of you. In a bonded family it’s not either/or, it’s both.
shadowkitten1317
I birthed a child on my birthday and still celebrate hers and celebrate mine later. Sounds like someone needs to grow up and stick up for the family he created.