'My wife hid that she can’t have kids and I just found out after 6 years together.' UPDATED

"My wife (24F) hid that she can’t have kids and I (27M) just found out after 6 years together. I don’t know what to do."

me and wife have been together for 6 years and married for 3. Weve built a happy marriage and a stable and comfortable life. Once everything felt settled, we decided to start a family. From the very beginning, I was clear about wanting a big family,4 or 5 kids,and she always said she was on board.

After a year of trying with no success, I got myself checked, and everything came back fine. Thats when she sat me down for a serious talk. She finally told me that before we got together, she had a medical procedure due to some health issues, and shes known this entire time that her chances of getting pregnant were negligible.

I just went numb. Everything after that felt like a blur. She broke down crying and apologized over and over. I couldnt process it, I just left despite her begging me to stay and talk.

It's been 3 days. Ive just been drifting around the city and staying with my sister. After non stop barrage of calls and messages from my wife, I snapped and destroyed my phone to get some peace. So no contact for 3 days. My sister went to our place to grab some work stuff for me and said my wife is completely shattered. She kept begging my sister to convince me to come home and talk to her.

I don’t know what to do. I don’t even know what hurts more, her hiding it from me all these years, letting me believe we had a real chance, or the fact that I still can’t bring myself to hate her. My mind keeps spiraling and I don’t feel ready to face her or talk about it. I just feel lost. What should I do?

This is what people had to say to OP:

emsyphine2 said:

Just go your separate ways. You are both still young. You have plenty of time to have your big family and she will find someone else.

OP responded:

I really loved her. i feel like my head going to explode with all the thoughts

MatchboxVader22 said:

It’s one thing if she just found this out after all this time of trying. But to hide something like that from you, knowing that you wanted a family and she hid that VERY important information from you…I don’t blame you for feeling lost one bit. You said you made it known from the beginning and she basically said “oh ok whatever, marry me anyway.”

I don’t know what you should do. If wanting a family is that high up your priority list, then you have some decisions to make and you know what you likely have to do here.

Im_Leveling_up said:

✨This is a tough one. To me it’s less about her health issues but more about the deception.

CatCharacter848 said:

She says the chances of getting pregnant are negligible- has she been checked recently - medical advances happen regually. Has she ever had a second opinion. Ir was she just told pregnancy is unlikely.

Does she want kids or is IVF a possibility. Adoption. The fact she hid this is atrocious. But you need to talk to her. If you want kids and she doesn't or can't, then this marriage is over.

OP responded:

as i said i havent even get to the bottom of this, once the truth hit me, i was like on auto pilot , didnt hear anything. i believe i should talk with her but my mind keeps questioning

NoDanaOnlyZuuI said:

It’s over. Not just because you want kids and she can’t have them, but because she kept something that huge from you for years. She knew what it meant to you and still let you plan your whole life around a lie. That’s monstrous. You can’t come back from that kind of betrayal.

I’m honestly shocked by some of these comments. She didn’t hide something trivial, she took away your right to make an informed choice about your own future. That’s beyond selfish.

A week later, OP shared this update:

I posted the 1st one from my laptop while working, just venting everything I felt in the moment. I think it came off one-sided, so I want to give more context and clear up a few things people kept asking. Sorry if this isn't super coherent.

Some context about her I already knew , she's an only child. Her family lived paycheck to paycheck. Her mom left when she was 13, and her dad raised her alone. He later turned alcoholic and abusive. When we met around 18, she already had anxiety, abandonment and trust issues. Her dad died when she was 19.

Early in our relationship, I helped her get some therapy however I could, and she leaned on me for everything. After her dad passed, I moved her in, and my family became hers.

A lot of you told me to face it, and my mom also called, saying the same. So the next morning, I went home. She was a mess, and the house too. When she saw me, she just froze for a second, then broke down and came to me crying and apologizing. I got her to sit down and calm, made something for us, and we finally talked.

The part she’d hidden , when she was 16, she had surgery to remove a cyst in her ovary. There were complications that caused internal scarring, and Drs told her a toned-down version of natural pregnancy was extremely unlikely.

That surgery put her dad into debt, later he spiraled into alcohol, stopped coming home, blamed her for being damaged goods like her mom, always f*cking up his life, and started harassing her. That messed her up.

She never had a check-up after that. Before we met, she was broke and barely coping with everything. After we got together, she said she didn't have the courage to find out more, scared of what she might hear, and terrified of losing me if I found out.

She hoped for a miracle after reading stories of women getting pregnant despite similar issues. Everything fell apart when I brought up getting checked. (I got myself checked secretly, just to be sure, so I wouldn’t stress her unnecessarily.)

Upon hearing her out, I lost my cool and went off on her for hiding something so serious. I told her I needed space and asked her to stay with my parents for a while so I could think clearly. She broke down, begged me not to leave, said shed do anything to make it work. I dropped her to my parent's place.

By day two, I realized I genuinely missed her. The house felt empty without her. I brought her back home. What she did hurt me deeply, but I realised, couldnt just throw her away like some of you said, because I still love her. We're not talking much right now.

I'm still processing it all, taking one step at a time. Many pointed out that if she hid something this serious, she could be hiding more, honestly that makes me uneasy.