"AITA for telling my wife that her hobby isn't a job and isn't helping our financial situation?"

My wife (38F) and I (40M) have been married for 10 years and have 3 kids (9, 7, & 4). My wife is a SAHM, has been ever since our first child was born. I work full-time and am blessed to make enough to provide a quality life for our family. We live modestly and I'm very conscious about living above our means.

By that I mean we don't live paycheck to paycheck, but we also don't take yearly family vacations, don't buy designer items, still use hand-me-downs, etc. My wife has been extra stressed this summer with all 3 kids at home. When the 2 older ones are in school, she's fine.

But this summer has been hard for her. I've adjusted my work schedule to allow me to spend more time at home to give her time for herself. I take the kids on bike rides, go to parks, swimming, fishing, etc. She has used the majority of this time on her hobby, crafting.

She has an entire room dedicated solely to her hobby. She will sometimes sell some items she makes or takes on a specific project for a friend/family member or the odd person from the internet. But sometimes I feel like she spends more time and effort on shopping for materials than she does actually crafting things. In short, there is no way her hobby has brought in more money than she has spent.

Last week was an especially busy week at my job and I was unable to flex my schedule to help at home during the workday. My wife complained to me that she needs more help at home and that I need to figure out ways to give her breaks. I told her that I am doing the best I can, but my job keeps the roof over our heads and if I need to be at the office, that's what I'm going to do.

She said that she has sold some items recently and that her hobby is helping us financially, so I should be doing more at home too. She told me it's basically become a part-time job for her in addition to taking care of the kids.

I asked her to tell me exactly how much money she sold the items for and then looked up our most recent credit card statement to see how much she's spent in the same timeframe. Even with selling those items, she spent hundreds more on materials. Her excuse was that not all the materials were for the items she sold, but for other projects as well.

I told her that her crafting isn't a job, it's a hobby. And it's not helping us financially. I told her that I'm glad she's selling items and spending time doing something she likes but using that as an excuse to claim I'm not helping her enough is disingenuous at best. Especially when I've taken extra steps to take on more childcare.

She told me I was being a jerk for diminishing her contributions to our family and I told her that is exactly what she did to me first, but at least I am getting our family to a net-positive financial situation. She is still mad at me and still thinks I need to do more to help at home. AITA?

What do you think? AITA? This is what top commenters had to say:

liquidmccartney8 said:

NTA. First, in a single income household with a stay at home parent, one person having all the responsibility for childcare during the time when the other person is working is not a problem that needs to be fixed.

That’s literally how it works, unless you’re leaving out the fact that she sometimes comes to your workplace and takes over your job so you can take a nap. If she doesn’t want to be a SAHM anymore, that’s valid, but it’s a completely different conversation.

Second, a hobby isn’t a business unless at a minimum you’re keeping track of your revenue vs. costs and trying to make a profit. If she was doing that, again that’s a different conversation, but she isn’t.

Chastity-Plants said:

NTA. She's a stay at home Mother. That's her primary job. If she was selling enough of her crafts to support the family maybe I'd think otherwise but at this point its still just a hobby that is costing the family money.

LordCqt said:

NTA - She made a claim that wasn’t true, you were simply pointing it out. It sounds like she’s just stressed and looking for solutions and help. I can see why she’d be sad about what you said, she felt like she was contributing to the household and you basically shut it down. What do you think about summer camp? or maybe some activities the kids can be dropped off at for a few hours a week?

giantbrownguy said:

NTA. She chose to be a SAHM and that is her primary responsibility. If she wants a hobby to turn into a job, that's fine, but not at the expense of the responsibilities. If her job was positively contributing to the household, it would be different, but she is causing a net loss and needs a reality check.

And SiWeyNoWay said:

NTA. Without your income, she wouldn’t be able to afford her hobby

Do you agree with commenters?