'I won a free vacation and now my wife wants to bring her stepdaughter? I want adults only! AITA?'

I won a free vacation, but I don't want to take my stepdaughter.

freerideaita writes:

One of my hobbies is entering raffles, sweepstakes, radio contests, etc. I've won tickets to concerts, sporting events, some household items, gift cards, but never a grand prize like a car or vacation. Until last month when I won a free trip for 4 people to Florida for 5 nights. Obviously, I was super excited and told my wife about it right away.

After our initial excitement wore off and we started talking about details, it became apparent we had conflicting ideas about this trip. Before I could even make suggestions about what I want this trip to be, my wife brought up how excited her 11-year-old daughter would be and how we could go to Disney, Sea World, etc.

She then said that we can bring her mom with to help watch her daughter so that we could have some time for ourselves. She was so excited about it and was getting wrapped up in planning things without even hearing what I wanted.

I told her that all of that sounds like fun, but I was thinking that we could invite another couple and have it be an adult-only trip instead of bringing my stepdaughter and MIL with.

She did not like my idea one bit and told me that she wouldn't feel right taking a free trip like that and leaving her daughter behind. She also said that her mom has never been to Florida and this would be a perfect opportunity for her to go there. We argued back and forth a little bit before deciding to take a break and come back to it before telling anyone about it.

Well, that lasted about 24-hours before my wife let it slip to her daughter that I had won a trip. So, of course stepdaughter immediately got excited about it and started looking into all the things she wants to do.

I asked my wife why she told her daughter and she said it was an accident, which, come on. It started a fight between us and emotions got a little high. I told her she was wrong to bring her daughter into this after we agreed to wait and that I never agreed to take stepdaughter or MIL on this trip.

I told her that I was the one who won the trip and she was acting like this was something specifically for her. She told me I was being selfish and that we should include those closest to us in something like this, especially when neither stepdaughter or MIL have ever been to Florida.

She said that bringing another couple and leaving her daughter home would be cruel, especially now that she's so excited about it. I told her that her daughter is only excited about it because she decided to blab to her about it instead of waiting like we had agreed.

I told her if she wants to bring her daughter and MIL then she can also pick someone else to go with because I would rather stay home by myself than go on a vacation that where I don't get to be involved in any decisions.

I said that if she wants to go that route, she certainly can, but I'm not paying for any of it (we have separate finances). Now she thinks I'm being a jerk and should be happy about having a free family trip.

Here are the top comments from the post:

owls_and_cardinals says:

NTA. While I see both sides of the coin what it comes down to is that as you won the trip, you should get to decide how it is used. I would certainly be bummed if my spouse won a trip and then wanted to take it without me, but that's not what is happening here, and I think your wife's insistence on controlling this and her judgment of you for not having the same vision for the trip are really unfair.

You aren't a bad person or a bad stepfather for wanting to take an adult trip - LOTS of couples do this. It's not cool of her to act like you're sh%@&y just for having another idea. And I agree with you that it was especially out of line for her to TELL her daughter (accidentally or not) about the trip because she knew that would make it harder on you. Really not cool.

The one other thing that stands out to me is about how you initially only refer to your stepdaughter as your wife's daughter - repeated references to 'her daughter'. I wonder if there is a dynamic in play here where your wife worries your stepdaughter doesn't feel like she's part of the family, or if the girl worries about losing her mom, etc.

It's a stretch based on what I'm seeing, admittedly! Just thought I'd plant the seed that if you think there is anything sticky in your blended family situation, that this trip is surfacing, you should talk about that separately!!

Comfortable-Sea-2454 says:

NTA - wifey blabbed to SD to pile on the emotional blackmail to get her way. You won the trip so you get input on who gets to go. "I told her that her daughter is only excited about it because she decided to blab to her about it instead of waiting like we had agreed.

I told her if she wants to bring her daughter and MIL then she can also pick someone else to go with because I would rather stay home by myself than go on a vacation that where I don't get to be involved in any decisions.

I said that if she wants to go that route, she certainly can, but I'm not paying for any of it (we have separate finances). Now she thinks I'm being a jerk and should be happy about having a free family trip." You were excited about the trip until she hijacked it by demanding that her mom and daughter go on the trip.

YouthNAsia63 says

Take three friends with you to Florida. Your wife could have gone, but she wanted to “hijack” your trip. Your trip. She can take her mama and her daughter to Florida any time she wants-on some other trip. NTA.

What do you think? Is OP right to cancel his vacation?