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Wife 'loans' another man $1K, spends the day with his family. 'She doesn't hide anything.' AITA?

Wife 'loans' another man $1K, spends the day with his family. 'She doesn't hide anything.' AITA?


"AITA for upset with my wife that she "loaned" another man over $1K then spent the whole day with him and his kids, including eating at an expensive restaurant?"

Buckle up. Lots to cover. A year and a half ago, I told my wife I didn't want to be married anymore. I hadn't wanted to be married for over a year at that point but was staying for the kids.

That changed when I met someone I thought I could have a good relationship with and that gave me the courage to end my marriage. Cowardly, I know. Now I know some of you now think she can do no wrong in terms of our relationship at this point, but I disagree and shall continue.

After 3 months of vacillating between ending my marriage and staying, I decided I wanted to stay. She said no and we began a separation that lasted 11 months. After the separation, she said she was ready to start again and we began our second relationship 3 months ago.

During the initial 3 months, she met a guy on a dating app. He never made a move on her romantically but they developed a friendship that has lasted and grown throughout these 17 months.

To the point they talk daily. Sometimes on the phone. She doesn't hide anything. She freely answers any questions I ask regarding the nature of their friendship and I believe her accounts of them.

Well a little over a month ago, he told her that he and his kids were going to be kicked out of his apartment because he couldn't pay the rent and he asked for a loan of $1300. She gave it to him.

Then told me later that day after the fact. She said she didn't tell me before because she thought I'd say no. I believe I'd have said it's her choice but thanks for consulting me. But I don't know as I wasn't given the chance.

A few weeks after that she goes to his apartment to play tabletop games with him and his friend. I wasn't a fan of this. I was concerned for her to be alone with him. I don't believe she would do anything with him but he did ask her if we'd open our marriage so they could hookup.

She declined. So my ask was that if the friend was leaving, she should leave too so they won't be alone. She agreed. Anyways, while there she sees him using drugs, which makes her uncomfortable but she stays.

He made a few passes at her, which she first ignored then chastised him. The friend also chastised him saying he shouldn't be hitting on married women. He later apologized but added that he wasn't in his right mind due to the drugs.

A few weeks after that, they arranged to play tabletop games again. She, he, his kids, and the same friend were going to eat at a pretty expensive restaurant around 230p, then return to his house again to play the games. The friend bails on the restaurant so it was just my wife and the guy and his kids.

I assume she paid for herself and he paid for him and his kids but I didn't ask. So they return to his apartment. She called me while on the way to say the friend bailed on the restaurant but would meet them at the house and share details from the restaurant including making it abundantly clear to his kids that she is married and has kids and that they are just friends.

They get to his apartment and begin playing games. The friend reportedly drives there but never goes inside the apartment and leaves. So it's just her, him, and his kids. In the day before going she said she didn't expect it to go beyond 10p. Well about 950p, she texts me that they're getting pizza then will return to finish the games.

They finish the game around 11p and she calls me the way home. She shares about the games. This is also when she tells me the friend never showed up to play games.

Then a few minutes later, she told me the kids got picked up at 10p. They waited for the kids to get picked up before getting pizza. This means they were alone for the last hour.

She said it's fine because she's not interested in him like that and would never cheat. I said it's not fine because when you are in a relationship you should tell your partner ahead of time if you're going to be alone with a person of the opposite sex at their house at least as a courtesy.

She said maybe in a normal relationship but we don't have a normal relationship. I said to not do that is disrespectful to the relationship. She then shared that spent time alone with another man a week ago in his car as they returned from an event together and sat and talked for 30 minutes while waiting for the rest of the group to catch up. And that there's nothing wrong with it and I just don't like this particular guy. So what's the verdict? AITA?

Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:

Chaoticgood790 said:

Just get a divorce lawyer lord. You cheated and your relationship was over right then. Bunch of toxic messes. I feel sorry for the kids.

TX_Farmer said:

ESH. This relationship has been over for a long time. The actions of both parties communicates that loud and clear. If you don’t want to be married, stand by that. You either get on the train or stay on the platform , you can’t do both.

And the kids don’t need 2 parents in an unstable relationship. That’s much more damaging than an amicable divorce.

facinationstreet said:

So what's the verdict? You aren't in a marriage. The 2 of you are living separate lives. Either get serious about this marriage if you both in fact want to be married or admit that it's over.

Strange_Salamander33 said:

YTA- you cheated, ended the relationship. At this point there’s no real relationship and she can hang out with who she wants. You brought this on yourself by cheating. You cheated, you ended the relationship. This is on you.

HoldFastO2 said:

ESH. This isn’t really a marriage anymore. It’s been on its last leg since you said you wanted a divorce. Just take it out past the shed and shoot it.

The opinions were incredibly divided for this one. What's your advice for this situation?

Sources: Reddit
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