"AITA for telling my wife she makes traveling no fun?"
So my wife (38f) and I (36m) have been together 8 years. We live in my home state of Arkansas, she is from San Diego. Every year she wants to visit home, we used to fly but since we have a kid (2f) she now wants to drive.
I have no problem using all my vacation days for this, she lives here. Traveling is a pain because she overpacks. Used to fill my CX-7 FULL, but work gave me a $900 car allowance and we used that to get a full size Suburban.
This time she loaded THAT full. I mean front passenger to the ceiling so I can't see the mirrors full. We didn't use hardly any of it. Every stop I carried everything into the hotel because she was afraid it would get stolen. It's 3 days each way.
Got through it, told her she makes traveling miserable because she is also super late. Tell her 10am. She might arrive by noon. So Every day we don't leave the hotel until 12, then she insists we drive until midnight, ugh, unfun.
Anywayyy. This weekend I was sent on a work conference. They got me a sweet hotel room, week at a nice resort, super excited. We were going to go and leave the baby.
Day before she cancels my mom watching to bring our child. Fills the suburban full, again. Mind you, it's my work trip. 5 days, 5 nights. Most of the stuff was just over packing. She brought a tote of blankets. One of towels. Two of her clothes! Totes!!
I told her she makes it miserable (the hotel always gets cluttered and full, the night before we leave is always a mess trying to pack and her "organizing" stuff she brought that never gets used.)
She freaked out, told me i just want to go hook up and cheat at these things (I invited here) and she is filing for a divorce because I told her "your overpacking and insisting we fill every vehicle full and always being late makes me.miserable"...
We were 3 hours late leaving to get to the conference, so I missed the networking opening night which is where in my industry people tend to clic up afterwards to a degree.
I missed going to the best vendor events, etc, because she insisted that I don't leave because she was overwhelmed with how messy the hotel room was. (Mind you, it was all the stuff she brought, took out of totes, and never used, and the toddler then destroyed. AITA?
Here is what readers had to say in response to the OP’s post:
Does she always threaten divorce so causally? Next time tell her “sure, I’ll call the lawyer tomorrow and start that up” and see her face drop at calling her stupid bluff. She sounds really annoying to travel with.
Yeah, throwing around divorce like it’s nothing is a huge red flag that’s not how healthy communication works. Next time, calling the bluff might just snap her out of it. And yep, constant drama on a trip? Exhausting. Sounds like she makes everything about control, not connection.
I agree! That’s absolutely insane. I also wonder if she’s cheating since she thinks he will hook up with someone! I was constantly accused of hooking up with others when I was engaged. Did I? Not once! Did he? All the time! I was livid when I found out how much.
Throwing that around is definitely a serious red flag. My husband would casually throw up getting a divorce when we first got married and had a big fight. I told him one day that if he's going to throw that out there, he'd better have the papers ready for me to sign.
Otherwise, don't bring that word up, because that is very serious and despite any fights I take our marriage seriously. He hasn't said it since.
Why did you invite her? Especially after she canceled child care. “Since you canceled child care with my mom you can’t come on this trip” If she leave you because you go on a work trip your marriage is at the end already. She’s doing this on purpose to sabotage your career.
Sounds exhausting. NTAH, but has your wife been evaluated by a mental health professional? This behavior is not normal and probably indicated there is something wrong. Likely something to do with high levels of anxiety. I' not qualified to diagnose though.
I agree. She needs to seek mental health services. Sounds related to post pregnancy depression and anxiety. Her child is still young (2). It really could be related to all that hormonal imbalance and if she doesn't get help now it will only get worse and further strain their relationship.
She seems very unstable and overwhelmed but also fearful because she wouldn't even leave her baby with a babysitter (in law) shows there are several things going on with her.
Its isn't something her husband could necessarily talk away. Great on him for still being supportive these past two years but I am definitely sure there are other things going on at home and other signs.
Why are you with her? If she is ready to divorce you because you voiced that you aren't happy about traveling with her and she's making it so you miss your work events and is then complaining about a mess that she created I can't image what the rest of your relationship is like.
Flying with a 2 year old sounds a lot wiser then deelung with your mentally ill wife sounds like she has a multiple mental issues get her help before she messes your kid up.
Please allow her to follow through with the divorce, man. This marriage sounds miserable as hell, just a nightmare day by day. You gotta get yourself out of there, for your own mental health and so your child doesn’t grow up thinking this kind of stuff is normal in a marriage.
Your wife needs some professional help, that shit is not normal and then overreacting to you saying that her antics make traveling suck for you, all just point to her not being well in the head. Freaking psycho, bro, drop that extra weight like a POS and run away. Hell nah.