'AITA for being upset that I found out my wife was pregnant via social media?' UPDATED

"AITA for being upset that I found out my wife was pregnant via social media?"

I'm 29, and she is 27. We've been together for 4 years, married for 2, both from the same hometown but currently living in a different city. She’s at our hometown for a family event, and I stayed back due to work. We've been trying to get pregnant for 3 months, and now it’s happened. The problem is the way I found out about it.

My friend congratulated me by posting a screenshot in our group chat—a screenshot of an Instagram story posted by one of my wife's friends. The post was my wife crying and hugging some of her friends, with the caption, "You are going to be the best mom."

I called her right away, and she answered pretty quickly, saying, "I have news, babe." All I said was, "I know, you're pregnant." She replied, "Wow, babe, how did you know?" I just said, "Saw it on Insta. Didn't think to call me first, huh?" She said, "What? I didn’t post anything." I responded, "Yeah, but your friends did.

That’s one way to find out I’m going to be a dad, thanks," and I hung up. I was furious. She kept calling me, and I didn't answer until my sister called shortly after.

My sister asked me what was going on because she’d just arrived at my in-laws’ house, and everyone was freaking out, fighting, and my wife was locked up in her room. I told her what happened, and she said, "There’s no way she would do that." I replied, "Well, she did." My sister said she was going to find out what was going on.

A little later, my sister called me back and explained everything. At that point, I’d calmed down, thinking it was just a crappy friend who decided to post without permission. But my sister filled me in on the details: My wife was late on her period and, while hanging out with a friend, they thought, "What if you’re already pregnant?"

So they bought a bunch of pregnancy tests, all of which came out positive. They freaked out, told her parents, and then texted some friends in town to come over. From the time she found out to the time her friend posted on Instagram, only 2 hours had passed. My wife told at least 10 people before telling me.

For the record, my sister told me that the argument going on when she arrived was because the other friends were upset with the one who posted on Instagram. Apparently, they all thought it was a sh!tty thing to do and were mad at her. But they also couldn’t understand why my wife hadn’t told me sooner.

I finally called my wife, and she was crying. She apologized and said she’d been planning to surprise me, which was why she hadn’t told me yet. I was skeptical and pointed out that if she’d really wanted to surprise me, she wouldn’t have been ready to tell me right when I called. She went silent, and I told her I needed some time to think.

She yelled, saying I couldn’t just walk away and that we needed to talk about it. I replied, "Why do we need to talk? So you can lie again?" and I hung up. A ton of people have been messaging me, but I’m honestly exhausted. I don’t know why, but this has drained me. I’ve cried randomly, which is unusual for me; I’m not a crier.

This isn’t supposed to be a huge deal, but it feels like I’ve been hit by a truck. My sister sent me a message that really stuck: "Hey, I know this sucks, and it was crappy of her, but don’t let this ruin it for you. You’re going to be a dad. You’re going to be an amazing dad. This is great."

The only thing keeping me going right now is knowing that I’m going to be a dad. I’ve dreamed of this, and all I hope is that this baby is healthy. I’ll probably swallow my pride and pretend I’m fine just to avoid making my wife too emotional during the pregnancy. But I’ll do that tomorrow. Tonight, I’ll just sulk.

Edit:

Just to clarify a couple things: 1.) Do I think the baby might not be mine? Classic lol. No chance she cheated. She works from home and we have home security cameras inside the house, so thats not happening in our house.

She does not do "girls nights", her best friend in the city we live in is a female coworker of mine and we hang out the 3 of us often, they text each other a lot but almost never hang out 1 on 1, if they do its at our house with me in the next room. Also, my wife is the clingiest person alive.

Like, when im at work, she texts me every 30 minutes, and when im at home, she is always at least in the same room im in if she isn't cuddling up to me. When we are out, she is always holding my arm, my hand, literally does not leave my side. I honestly actually love it most of the time.

I feel loved. But it is too much sometimes and we had a fight about it weeks ago. I even questioned if this fight was the reason she didn't tell me right away, but it's probably not it.

2.) On her friends: they are all very nice people. I've known them for a long time now. My sister is part of the friend group, and some of them have been friends since they were like 12. My wife is the only one that lives in a different city, so they Always hang out a lot when she is in town.

I can not emphasise enough how out of character this whole situation is for her. She has many flaws, like every other person, but being incosiderate is not one of them. That's why I woke up in the middle of the night with a feeling like im actually completely wrong on this because she would not do this on purpose. There is no way.

So I sent her a text just saying that everything is fine and that I will drive the 4 hours down there to talk. She was actually awake and asked if she could call. She did and said she wanted to come home. I said that i was going over there to pick her up. She asked, "Are we ok?" I just said yes, and she started to cry.

I told her that im very happy, and im dying to see her, but we will need to talk about it. She calmed down a bit after that. That's when I opened the post again and saw all the comments. I asked for a day off, and my boss was fine with it, so im actually going to my hometown right now. I will update when it's all settled.

What do you think? AITA? This is what top commenters had to say:

Empty_Mastodon7165 said:

Too much social media.

vitorramosleak said:

That's some sh!tty behavior indeed from that one friend. Who the hell steals a pregnancy announcement lmao.

Amamboking2 said:

So i got 4 kids. There is a reason you wait till 12 weeks.

joaovitorsb95 said:

Damn, that actually sucks. Only way I would be on your wife side here is if she was planning on doing some kind of surprise to get your reaction, but you catching her on a lie pretty much ends that possibility. All I can say is that I hope you baby is healthy and good luck with fatherhood.

Last-Ad5452 said:

NTA and my thing is…she was so excited she told everything….but you. Called her parents and random ass friends…but not you. Her husband, partner and life and father. I would be hurt and also it would make me question things. You should have been one of her first thoughts. Not last.

Away-Understanding34 said:

Your wife and her friends are sh!tty. Also why should you have to hide your hurt feelings when she's the one that messed up and hurt you? Just because she's pregnant doesn't mean you have to push down your feelings.

She took away an awesome moment that the 2 of you could have had and instead had that moment with almost a dozen other people. You are allowed to be upset with her. What's next, is she going to insist someone else is in the delivery room instead of you? She's pretty selfish and I hope she grows up before the baby comes.

Six days later, he shared this update:

Hello again, Things have settled down now, and I feel like I have all the information, so I’m here to give y’all an update. When I got to my in-laws’, my wife was sitting on the sidewalk waiting for me. She jumped on me and kept apologizing, just hugging me and saying how sorry she was. We went to her room, and I told her I was really tired and wanted a nap before our talk. We slept holding each other.

When we woke up, our talk felt like an endless circle—me asking what happened and her saying that she was stupid and that it was her fault. She kept saying it didn’t matter what happened because she screwed up a big moment in our lives. I kept asking, but she just repeated that she messed up and that nothing else mattered.

Eventually, she said she didn’t want to give me excuses and that the right thing for her to do was take responsibility and apologize. I eventually gave in, told her she was forgiven, and said everything was fine. Still, I went to talk to her friend—the one who was with her all day and bought the pregnancy test with her.

Her story was that, right after my wife tested positive, they spent about an hour freaking out and talking about ways to tell me or surprise me. Eventually, my mother-in-law got home, and they told her. Together, they decided to invite their girlfriends over to discuss ways to tell me. The friend went over all their ideas, and I 100% believe her.

She also said it was discussed with the group that I didn’t know yet and that they should all keep quiet for now because we hadn’t decided when to announce it. She says the one girl who posted it on Instagram absolutely did it on purpose. She had been told not to say anything to anyone, and, at that point, they were even discussing ways to tell me with her.

The picture she posted was taken when another friend had just arrived and heard the news. For some reason, she decided to post about it right then and there. Apparently, when they confronted her, she initially claimed she didn’t know she wasn’t allowed to post it. She stuck to that lie for a while, but eventually, she just told everyone she didnt give a shit and left.

She blocked everyone in the group, and we haven’t heard from her since. No one knows why she did it. They don’t know if she’s jealous of my wife or something else. At this point, we don’t care. She’s blocked on our end too, and we want no contact with her.

My sister later confirmed the friend’s story. When she first called me with details, she was under the impression my wife had just told everyone and forgot to tell me. But after talking to other friends and my mother-in-law, she told me basically the same story.

I was also told by the friend I spoke to, my mother-in-law, and another friend that when I called my wife, she basically said, “Screw it, I’m telling him right now,” and was super excited to do it.

Me and my wife talked again during our trip back home, now with me having most of the details and she told her side, basically identical to what my sister and the friend told me. She was again very apologetic and kept saying that im her number 1 priority, and that this was one of the dumbest things she has ever done.

We have a couples counseling appointment next week at her insistence. I honestly don’t think it’s necessary, but she believes I need a space to fully express my feelings. She’s worried I forgave her too fast and that I’m bottling everything up. Honestly, her concern about my feelings is already enough for me to forgive her and chalk this up as a one-time thing.

We also had our first appointment with an obstetrician—first because it’s obviously the right thing to do, but also because many people warned me about the risks of miscarriages in early pregnancy.

My wife’s last period was about six weeks ago, and the doctor said it was a bit early for an appointment. Still, they ran a bunch of tests and confirmed my wife is indeed pregnant. So far, everything looks fine. Thank you all so much for caring about a random stranger.