'AITA for not making husband food after his work 'wife' got too involved?' UPDATED
"AITA for not making husband food after his work 'wife' got too involved?"
Me f(27) and my husband m(34) have been married for 3 years but were dating 4 years prior. He recently got a promotion in his company and moved to a different department. In this department he recently started interacting with f(24). I dislike her and have from the start.
Every time I’m there she makes sure to call him her work husband. Or she will do simple things such as making him food or giving him extra tight hugs.
But my breaking point was last week when he had come home with the food I made him. When I asked him why his lunch bag was still full of what I had made him in the morning. He said that f(24) had made him food and he didn’t want to seem rude and waste it.
So I ignored it till he threw away the food I made him. I woke up at 6 am just to make him his favorite food. But ever since then this has been happening everyday. It’s started to get annoying.
Till today I decided to not make him lunch. He came downstairs in the morning to me making breakfast and asked me where his lunch was. I said I didn’t make him one because it was going to go to waste anyways. He started arguing that I was being petty over a little thing. But I tried to discuss how I felt and he went over it. So aita for not making him food?
Here's what people had to day to OP:
False_Exercise_9323:
Your husband is an idiot. He's absorbing the attention from a young female co-worker and snubbing his wife. You are a rarity in today's world. My wife have prepared my lunches for the past 26 years, not out of duty or coercion, but out of love.
I would be damned if I would worry about another person's feelings let alone a female at the sacrifice of my wife. It's not about the food, it's a labour of love. I hope for both of your sakes he gets his head out of his ass before it's too late.
notAugustbutordinary:
Your husband is an idiot and opening himself up to complaints if he has any sort of seniority and makes preferential decisions regarding this friend. It doesn’t take much effort for those around them to extrapolate extra tight hugs into they’re having an affair via office gossip.
SubbySuccubi:
NTA. The food isn't the issue here clearly.
There are so many reddit stories that started with the work wife providing op's ex husband with food. There was even one where the "work wife" told the pregnant wife that the husband liked her cooking better so she'd better watch out or she'd be taking her husband. That wife ended up having to co-parent with her ex husband and the work wife he ended up marrying.
I think in plain words you need to tell your husband that you don't want him interacting with her at all unless it's required for business and only as minimum as necessary. Her behavior from consistently cooking for him to calling him her work husband and giving him tight hugs are extremely inappropriate.
He should not be more worried about hurting a coworker's feelings than disrespecting his marriage.
He didn't want to hurt her feelings by not eating her food but he has no issue with throwing his own wife's food away in front of you? His coworker's behavior is a direct threat to his marriage and it is his responsibility to set and enforce the boundaries to protect said marriage.
lowkeyhobi:
Who is hugging on their co worker in front of their SO(or at all) in the first place? I think you need to sit down and have a real frank conversation with your husband. Because if the shoe was on the other foot, he would not like you doing any of this.
Update from OP:
Me and him are going to talk when he gets back home. but I did talk to him a little before he went in the shower. he just got mad when I asked if I could see his text between her. Which ended in him getting defensive. And saying that if I trusted him I wouldn’t need to.
I may bring up the option of divorce but I need to figure out the financial situation first. I have a job but it barely even pays. But until then Ima start packing up my stuff little by little. Talking to a divorce attorney and figuring out where to go from there. But I won’t till me and him have the talk. But thank you to everyone who has let me open up on this a little bit.
Here's what people had to say to the update:
Aggravating-Owl-8974:
Not showing you the texts are a major red flags. He is worried more about her feelings than yours. You should start packing and speak to a lawyer.
Suitable-Carrot-1810:
Wow, if he has nothing to hide he would let you see his phone. My wife has full access to my phone even though she never looks through it because she trusts me and I have given her no reason not to. Do you know who my “work wife” is? My wife.
CocoaAlmondsRock:
If the talk isn't productive, and you decide to further pursue divorce, don't tell him. Don't even MENTION the D word.
Get your ducks in a row, do a financial audit, hire a lawyer, and draft papers. THEN tell him. That's not about being cruel and punishing him; it's about protecting yourself. You need to be sure he can't clean out your finances before you file. (And don't you try to do that either. Do everything your divorce lawyer tells you to do.)