'AITA for demanding my wife stay out of my sister's relationship with her sister?' UPDATED

"AITA for demanding my wife to stay out of her sister’s love life?"

My wife has known about my twin sister’s sexuality since we met, we’ve been married for 5 years. About a year ago, my sister confided in me about the feelings she had for my wife’s sister.

She thought nothing would come of it since no one knew anything about Jennifer’s sexuality, plus my sister felt weird about it being her SIL. Regardless, I told her she should go for it since I had noticed them subtly flirting with each other.

As things quickly transpired, it turned out Jennifer was in the closet but had mutual feelings for my sister. Their relationship for months was kept well hidden from everyone, but the entire family noticed how happy Jennifer had become. Finally, they were both ready to get things out.

My wife, myself and our sisters met for dinner one night. My wife was in shock, having just learned her sister was also gay. She was silent most of the dinner, as we left she spoke her mind in the parking lot as she said, “This some disgusting redneck sh!t I won’t support, or even acknowledge your relationship.”

My wife was disappointed in me that I had known for months, but never told her. It wasn’t my place to tell and I honored my sister’s request to keep it hidden until they were ready. I came in from work the next evening after the dinner, my wife was on the phone with her father.

As he said, “If you would have listened to me and not married him, his sister wouldn’t have made my daughter gay.” He’s always hated me and that only angered my wife. My MIL on the other hand was very happy for Jennifer and my sister.

Week went by and there was really no mention of their relationship. I had to stay late at work one night, I received a frantic call from my sister. My wife and her father showed up at Jennifer’s house to talk some sense into her head. My sister was there and things turned nasty with their father.

I left work because I could tell over the phone with the screaming in the background how things were heading. By the time I got to the house, their father was already gone, he’s a coward. I pulled my wife out of the house and made her go home.

Our sisters were upset, crying and feeling horrible about things. I went home and had it out with my wife. I told her it’s not her place to dictate what her sister does with her life. I furthermore told her if she can’t keep her mouth shut about their relationship, then she needed to stay out of her sister’s life completely.

She accused me of trying divide the family along with my sister. Also told me it wasn’t my place to tell her to stay out of their life. But honestly it’s not her place to pick and choose who her sister loves.

My wife is not a bigot, she always supported my sister’s sexuality. I’ve tried getting her to see the good in their relationship. I want nothing more than my sister to be happy after the sh!tty life we had growing up. But my wife is seriously acting like their cousins or something. I don’t see the issue or feel my wife’s embarrassment over their relationship

What do you think? AITA? This is what top commenters had to say:

howulikedemapple said:

Your MIL and FIL seem like night and day, I’m assuming they’re divorced and far away from each other? Can you talk to your MIL since it involves her two daughters? Try to be a liaison almost, maybe your wife’s mother can tell her to knock it off.

FriendlyFraulein said:

Your wife is being completely out of line. You say she’s not bigoted, but it very much sounds like an ‘it’s okay if it’s your family but NOT mine!’ situation, hidden under the guise of the sister/sister in law thing. Your wife needs to worry about her own life and stop thinking she has a right to comment on someone else’s life. It is absolutely not her business.

There is definitely someone that’s going to divide the family, and it’s not you. NTA.

Personal_Sprinkles_3 said:

Info: Why does your wife think it’s redneck when there’s no blood relation and the only difference is that you met first? Or is she being completely irrational about that?

Also, she agreed with her dad that marrying you caused her sister to be gay by her actions, why are you staying with her? Her dad said she should never have married you, and then she went with him to fight your sisters. If you stay with her you’re in the wrong imo.

OP responded:

My wife feels it’s strange and almost creepy, hence the cousin reference cause that’s how she’s acting about it. From her POV, my sister and I were still young when my wife and I met. My wife’s mother found out we had no family and took us in like her own (not financially). My sister became like the 4th sister to my wife’s family. Even though there’s no blood relation, she finds it disgusting.

To answer your other question, my wife did not agree with her father’s statement about marrying me. It angered her, she hung up on him after telling him not to bring our marriage into it. She didn’t even know I was home at that point. She’s fed up with his BS about me too.

He’s constantly trying to find fault with me, I’m not even on talking terms with him because he tried saying we were bad kids and our parents kicked us out. He doesn’t even know sh!t. My dad was/is still likely an alcoholic and our mother didn’t give a crap about what he was doing to us. We had no other choice but to drop out of high school and leave home.

He later shared this update:

Below is the letter written by my wife and sent to our sisters:

"Instead of talking face to face or over the phone, I thought it would be better for everyone if I wrote this. First, I want to apologize for my horrible behavior these past few weeks.

I know you guys don’t need my approval or anything, but I am happy for you both and I hope our relationship as a family can be restored. I’m sincerely sorry for how I handled things, for what I said. I feel horrible for hurting you both.

I’m not trying to make excuses for my behavior or anything. Somethings need to be said, because I do feel like I’ve been blamed for everything. Jen, I swear on my life I never told dad. He won’t tell me how he found out either. He showed up here at our house and wouldn’t take no for an answer until I agreed to come talk to you.

I had no idea he was going to be so aggressive with you guys that’s why I threatened him with the cops because his behavior went from 0 to 60 within minutes and it freaked me out too.

And Janie, I’ve always admired and respected the type of relationship you have with your brother. The close knit relationship you share has never once bothered me, please know that. To be completely honest, it hurt like hell that the 3 of you kept this a secret for as long as you did. But even more, Janie, you were suddenly never home and I’ve rarely seen you these last few months.

I know you’re an adult with your own life, but I felt like I had done something wrong to push you away. I couldn’t understand for months why every time Jesse and you were doing something I wasn’t included. Youve been a huge part of my life along with Jess for the last 10 years, and then suddenly I’m outcasted with no explanation.

Simultaneously, Jen you were also ignoring me. I felt like everyone was mad at me and I had no idea what I did. Even mom said she felt extremely distant from you. I fully understand the struggle of coming out. Maybe not to your extent, but I’ve seen the pain that comes along with it. I know my reaction hurt you, and again I am so sorry for hurting you. I’m so sorry I became one of those people I hate.

I support you and love you both so much. Im not mad at anyone. I was upset that my own husband didn’t tell me about you guys earlier. But I understand his loyalty to his sister. I was upset with you guys for not telling me either, I thought we all had a trusting relationship.

I know that I took my pain and anger out on your relationship simply because I felt excluded from everyone like an outsider. And now because of my actions and behavior, it’s only ten times worse.

Please forgive me. -Kristen"