Wife tells SO's friend to 'mind her own business,' 'this was my house, my husband and my baby.' AITA? UPDATED
"AITA for telling my husband's friend to mind her own business when she commented on our married life?"
So me (30f) and my husband Josh (32M) have been married for 6 years now and have a 4yo daughter and 9mo son. My husband has a childhood friend amy(fake name). Amy and I are mostly civil but she often comments on various things, especially if I am doing something. My husband is an introvert person and does not have many close friends so I never really say anything.
We hosted dinner a few days ago and invited amy as well. They were drinking as well, and while drunk amy said how she could not believe josh already have 2 kids when they all are single, even tho Josh used to tell them how he never wanted to marry before 30. Things got a bit awkward but she went on to say how i wasn't even his type and still we got married. At this point i was angry but josh calmed me down saying she is just drunk.
After my son started crying so I went to feed him formula. Thing is, due to some complications i wasn't able to produce milk for my son. When amy saw it, she said "if I was a mom I would never feed my baby some formula. It's kinda crazy how u all r okay with feeding such things to ur baby."
I really lost it and told her to shut up and mind her own business, that this was my house, my husband and my baby, and she is no way eligible to talk about someone else's married life when she couldn't even keep a man in her life, and is now living alone with her cats. Upon hearing all that amy started crying and soon left.
Everybody left soon after. My husband says it was okay for me to be angry but it was a bit harsh for me to say all that since everyone knew amy was struggling with her mental health. I have got text from few of her friends cursing me and asking me to apologise to her.
I have since blocked them all and tbh I don't want to apologize. It wasn't the first time she said something inappropriate. It was the final straw and I couldn't take it anymore. She is apparently in a bad mental state since she was cheated on by her fiance of many years in the past so I really don't know. I have started to feel bad and guilty and maybe I was over the line.
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
Ash-b13 said:
NTA, why was nobody telling her to stop and apologize when she was sh$t talking you, but when you finally reached your limit, you’re the bad guy. Also why tf wasn’t your husband the one to put a stop to this the first time she ever said something?
Sheshcoco said:
Telling a new mum that she should have breastfed her baby when she has problems with breastfeeding is not exactly conducive to her mental health either. If Amy gets a pass for treating others like crap because of her mental health then so should you. NTA.
rmnc-5 said:
NTA There is no way I’d let anybody talk to me like that in my home. They’d be out of the door in a second. She is apparently jealous of something and can’t handle alcohol. But that’s not your problem. I think your husband should also put her in her place, since she’s his friend. She crossed the line. I’ll never understand people without children giving unsolicited advices to mothers. Stop that.
pam1144 said:
NTA. She might be jealous & resentful that you get to be in a happy relationship and she doesn't.
No_Lifeguard7864 said:
NTA. Sounds like she is jealous of your relationship and may even be interested in your man. Show your husband this and if he doesn’t support you then I’d be questioning more than just whether you are the a-hole.
Mytuucents8819 said:
NTA. WHY IS YOUR HUSBAND NOT STICKING UP FOR YOU?!?!?!?!?!
UPDATE:
All those who had experienced such things, I am really sorry. Being a mother myself I could relate so much to all ur experiences. To clarify some things, even tho nobody said anything at the moment, the situation did get very awkward for all.
Those who were at the party later did apologise for amy's behavior. People who sent me the nasty texts were all amy's friends and not part of our group so I didn't really feel like telling them anything as i am so exhausted already and blocking them seemed easier.
Well I went to my husband and told him how everything bothered me. I also told him all the other times when amy said something passive agressive. She would usually say those stuff when we were alone so he didn't know about it, and it was actually the first time she acted that way in front of everyone.
My husband was shocked. He told me that i should have spoken sooner and that the reason he didn't say anything was because i am a very chill person overall but amy's mental health was bad and she would have frequent meltdowns. He just didn't want to stir up drama and create more tension.
He did apologize sincerely and then I texted amy apologizing for my comments but told her about how her comment was inappropriate and she needs to apologize as well. Well amy just cursed me and blocked me. To this my husband texted her telling how she is being disrespectful and that he would be in no contact with her as well and he blocked her as well.
Soon my husband got a lot of texts saying how amy was having a meltdown and according to her, "I am manipulating and isolating my husband from his friends over trivial matters." l nearly laughed at her assumptions. My husband is also done with her bs. He told his friends about everything and told them how he was done with her bs.
This has caused the group to split. Apparently there r others who r also done with amy while some still sympathize with her. For now my husband and l are just focussing on our life. I hope amy gets help as she needs so others don't have to suffer from her tantrums. To all saying my husband had an affair, well that is not true.
Also I don't think amy liked my husband since she was one of the popular ones who was only interested in popular guys, whereas my husband was far from her type. By the comment of me not being my husband's type, well growing up i was on the chubby side and nerdy so not really conventionally pretty but while dating my husband and I got interested in swimming and other activities and had a bit of glowup.
Also she was clearly in love with her fiance (another popular guy from college) but well he turned out to be a scum. Why she didn't like me, well i will never know, nor is it my problem anymore.