'AITA for not wanting to stay with my wife after she told me she wants us to be roommates?'
"AITA for not wanting to stay with my wife after she told me she wants us to be roommates?"
My (27M) wife (26F) said that she wants to split because she feels like a trial wife and that I don't truly love her. I've been trying for months to make this work, but every month she has an argument with me and always ends up saying that she's falling out of love.
She has told me that I don't love her enough. Just for information, I move from my home country, quit my job, left my family and friends just to be with her. I already had my life set up back in my country but I left it all in order to be with her. That is something that I don't regret doing because I really loved her enough make that decision change my live and be with her.
Another reason why she says that I don't love her enough is because "things don't come out of me" with her, and that perhaps those things will come out with someone else. Those "things" are like giving her flowers and being romantic.
I try always to be romantic. Every week I get her flowers, tell her to go out and eat out in restaurants, watch movies and shows with her, make her cute notes, tell her everyday how much I love her.
I kiss her everyday at bed in her forehead before going to my job. I always try my best to help her in house chores to make her feel less stressed. I am her personal taxi because she doesn't like driving and I don't mind taking her anywhere she needs.
I let her go out and enjoy life with her friends with no issues, and I buy her gifts and many things, but she feels is not enough. I quit playing with my friends videogames or spend less time in my hobbies just to be with her and pass time with her and still she says is not enough.
She says "if you would've truly love me you would know which flowers are my favorite" and I know, But sometimes when go to get them they don't have the flowers that you like, so I get you another ones just to make feel loved.
Another reason is that she feels like my mom. From my background I grew up without having to do no house chores, literally nothing, but that didn't stopped me from learning. When I moved with her I learned every house chore from cleaning, washing, basic cooking and maintaining.
I put my part in because I know it would be a pain in the ass if she had to do everything. Now a days, we have separate our house tasks, she cooks I clean, and I have kept it that way the whole time I've been with her with no excuses.
I make the bed, clean the room, vacuum the carpet, organize the house, dust off the house, clean any mirrors/windows, take the trash out, sweep the floors and swipe the floors, wash out the clothes, etc.
Even when she cooks I always lend a hand to keep things out of her mind, and clean the kitchen when she's finished. Even her mom said that I make most of the house tasks, and I do because I want to keep her less stressed but also because in a marriage two people have to put the effort. And I clean well because she has told me that I clean way better than her.
With bills I pay rent, electricity, her car maintenance and gas, and still invite her to dinners where she doesn't have to pay anything. She only pays for groceries, streaming services and other personal bills she has to pay like car loans, etc. Even with groceries sometimes I help her.
She tells me that I forget things and that she want's someone who she doesn't have to keep reminding things. I do admit I tend to forget things, but those things are not like actually serious things that can damage us.
For example, I forget to clean one corner of the house, I forgot to clean my containers that I bring from work as soon as I get home, I forget to trash old onions from the pantry, stuff like that. Which I admit is bad but she's only seeing like a 10% of things.
I even made a schedule to do all my responsibilities but I am not perfect. Sometimes there are things that they go out of my mind, but she says she want a man who she doesn't have to tell anything.
She went on a girls trip last week and told me that she felt like a true women, and loved the attention she got from strangers, and that is something she hasn't felt with me. I just can't. I know I ain't perfect but am I that bad?
Now after telling me to split minutes later she told me that we can make this work out? She told me that she loves me but as a person not a partner and that she want's me to stay with her until she figures it out, but as a partner.
Y'all want to know what's the crazy thing? Yesterday, she said that she doesn't want to break up with me because she's afraid of the comments of people to her. Then, proceeded to break up and now regrets it.
That's not love. If you would love someone you wouldn't bring that up. Also, shes trying to blame me now. Saying that I made up my mind only because I ask her how are we going to move forward.
Here is what readers had to say in response to the OP’s post:
Y T A to yourself. Your wife does not love you. Does not want you. But wants you to pay for everything and take care of the house. What’s baffling to me is that you are so blinded by love you can’t see it.
I’m concerned he’s been isolated, OP left their family and friends in another country, have they made new friends in the new country? Honestly a lot of people think the grass will be greener somewhere else/ with someone else. OP you don’t mention how long you’ve been married but can you constantly put up with this for another year? 5? 10?
I hope when you return to your home country you never have to think about her again. She’s not worth the hassle. NTA.
She’s done. Nothing you do will change her mind. She’s keeping you for convenience, not love. Time to walk away.
"Every month she has an argument with me and always ends up saying that she's falling out of love." Yeah I'd be treating her like a trial wife too; one that's failed the trial. This woman is walking all over you, my dude.
NTA. You can’t make someone happy who doesn’t want to be happy. She wants to leave, and you want to stop failing. I don’t blame you, she sounds exhausting. Sorry that it didn’t work out, you clearly tried really hard to make it work.