'AITA for telling my wife I find her unattractive after her surgery? I wasn't harsh.'

"AITA for being truthful and admitting that I find my wife unattractive after her surgery?"

My wife had plastic surgery recently. We had discussed it and I was against it. It was not my decision and ultimately I had no say. She looks weird now. She had the fat sucked out of her face, lip fillers, a neck lift, other stuff I don't really get.

She gives me uncanny valley vibes now. It freaks me out. She is fully healed now and she wants us to go back to normal. Like me initiating s#x. I have done so but not as much as I used to. And when I do I try and make sure there is very little light.

It's been a few months and I kind of dread having to look at her. Obviously she has noticed. She has been bugging me to tell her what's up. I've tried telling her I'm just tired from work. Or that I'm run down. Really anything except for the truth.

She broke down and asked me if I was having an affair. I said that I wasn't. She asked to look at my phone. I unlocked it for her and handed it over. I wasn't worried about her finding anything because there is nothing to find. She spent an hour looking through it and found nothing. She asked me to explain why I changed. I tried explaining that I just wasn't that interested right now.

Nothing I said was good enough for her. She kept digging. I finally told the truth. I wasn't harsh or brutally honest. I just told her that her new face wasn't something I found attractive and that I was turned off. She asked if that's why I turn off all the lights now. I said yes. She started crying and said that she needed time alone. She went to stay with her sister.

I have been called every name in the book since this happened. Her sister said I'm a piece of s@#t for insulting my wife's looks. Her friends all think I'm the a&^hole. I tried not to say anything. I can't force myself to find her attractive. I still love her but her face is just weird now. She looks like the blue alien from The Fifth Element.

Here's what people had to say to OP:

Petentro says:

Idk man. My opinion is nta. You were against it going into it and honest with her after. You didn't go out of your way to be malicious and you tried to not say anything about it. "She looks like the blue alien from The Fifth Element." That's rough dude. Don't go saying that to her or ywbta

OkInevitable7692 OP responded:

I wouldn't.

Lower_Ad_5980 says:

49 year old female hear and I concur. NTA. My husband is hot but once he chipped his front tooth (lost half of it) and I admit this makes me sound horrible but I could barely look at him until he got it fixed.

I imagine it's got to be terrible to go from finding her beautiful to now thinking she looks like an alien. Celebrities do this to themselves all of the time. I feel sorry for her too but I don't know what other choice you had than to be honest.

isitreallyyou56 says:

Not the a$#hole. I’m going through this with my wife now. She hasn’t had surgery yet but we are in our mid 30s and she’s going through some kind of crisis with her looks. And to me she’s the most beautiful she’s ever looked and she hates how she’s aging….and she’s aging quite well considering she’s still getting carded at bars and could pass for 21-25.

She wants the fat or what ever she thinks fat sucked out from under her eyes, lip fillers and eye brows tattooed on. Idk what to say to her. I told her already she’s the most attractive I’ve ever found her to be and I love her more than anything and I wouldn’t change anything about her.

I blame social media and reality tv glorifying these cosmetically modified people that in my opinion look f^%$#ng strange. Some men, probably mostly rich men in their 70s find attractive cuz the women end up with fake tits and fake a^%es.

I told her if she gets the surgery we are done. It’s too much money and she’s looking at financing it all and I want no part in it and I’m not making payments on it. I’ll split before that happens.

snowflakes__ says:

Oh god if she did the buccal fat remover I totally feel you. It makes people look so freaky.

OkInevitable7692 OP responded:

Yeah that's it. Thanks I couldn't remember.

opalescent-owl says:

Ooh this one’s tough. Overall NTA, but also, what would your reaction be if she got into a terrible accident that required her to have reconstructive surgery on her face, leaving her with permanent scars and looking totally different? Would you still find her unattractive similarly to how you feel with her getting these cosmetic procedures? Just curious.

OkInevitable7692 says:

I would still love her the exact same as I do now. I would support her. I would do my best to communicate to her that I love her no matter what. Would I ever communicate to her that I don't find burn victims attractive? No.