'My wife waits with the door open when I’m getting ready to leave. Am I overreacting?'

"My wife waits with the door open when I’m getting ready to leave. Am I overreacting?"

When my wife wants to go somewhere (unexpectedly or with not telling me what time she wants to leave) as soon as she feels it’s time to leave, she opens the door and stands outside with our baby. This really annoys me because it’s usually when I’ve had baby all morning so I don’t have outside close on. I’m 5-10 mins max but the way she does it makes out like I take forever.

She’s even brought it up in an argument saying “when I’m ready and waiting you decide to go to the toilet and have a drink then put clothes on”…I only found out we were going somewhere 5 mins ago and started doing those things when she told me, which I don’t feel is unreasonable?

Just to clarify, these aren’t things like appointments where I can say to myself “appointment at 12, 15 mins to get there, I’ll leave at 11:30. This is “I need to go to x later” I’ll ask what time and she’ll say in a bit or something really ambiguous, but when she says that I could be feeding baby or cleaning the bathroom, once I’m finished she wants me ready (but only if she’s ready).

It’s as if I should be ready to go at any given moment - doesn’t matter if I’ve been cleaning, childcare etc, I should be ready to go. If I started watching a tv show or playing a game (I don’t game, but if I did) when she said she wanted to go, her impatience would be understandable, but I’m getting a drink of water, emptying my bladder and putting outside clothes on.

As I said, all of it takes me 10 mins max but more like 7 mins. I feel like a child when she does it. I’m never late to anything. If I know a time, I’m ready well before it, always. AITA?

Here's what people had to say to OP:

Toasted_Lizard said:

Ugh NTA. My husband used to do this too, as soon as he was ready to leave he’d be standing in the doorway calling out “what are you doing?? It’s time to go,” as if I had not been actively getting ready to leave. Eventually I blew up at him and asked him exactly what part of me brushing my teeth, braiding my hair, and putting on jeans should have been omitted for his convenience.

For us, it was clear that he didn’t actually think I was wasting time or being slow, it was that he didn’t like standing around waiting and hadn’t thought critically about how he was handling that impatience.

To avoid this dynamic, now when we’re leaving the house (whether an impromptu thing or a planned outing) we agree on a specific number of minutes before we meet in the car. This lets me manage my own time without him rushing me, but also prevents him from waiting around.

It also pointed out how unreasonable he’d been in the past, because I can always be ready in the agreed time, I just can’t be magically ready in an instant at his whim.

sfrancisch5842 said:

Why can’t married people communicate with each other? It would save so much hassle

Sebscreen said:

NTA. No, you are not in the wrong for expecting your spouse not to treat you like a dog. Next time she does that, do not fall over yourself rushing to meet her unexpected timeline. Ignore her and leave when YOU are ready to leave.

Mrs_B- said:

NTA. Tell her to go without you and shut the door.

Spoedi-Probes said:

NTA. She is doing it on purpose to assert dominance. Take longer, eventually she will have to return. The equivalent of her snapping her fingers.

Nacho_Deity186 said:

NTA...this is an example of passive aggressive behavior. Communicate to her that at any given time, you need a half hours notice to get ready to leave the house. Then stick to it, it's important to be consistent. So when she's says it's time to go, look at the clock and tell her when you'll be ready...do not walk out a minute before that time.