'My wife is way more affectionate after coming back from a bachelorette party...' + UPDATE
"My wife is way more affectionate after coming back from a bachelorette party..."
throwaway_da_key
I (34M) have been with my wife (34F) for 10 years. She has never been an affectionate person, and I'm the opposite. I'm very tactile, I love hugging, kissing, cuddling, holding hands, touching her curves, I'm deeply attracted to her and I've done my best to cope with minimal reciprocation.
It's been a issue for the both of us, nothing deal breaking, we're just different kinds of people and we've accepted that, we still love each other. A month ago she was gone for a few days at a friend's bachelorette party out of state, I stayed with the kiddo at home.
We talked each night before she went to bed, no worries. I've got my insecurities having been in a prior relationship with a habitual cheater, but she's never done anything that gives me a reason not to trust her, everything's good.
We pick her up from the airport, and she goes on about how listening to the other participants of the party complain about their husbands, she feels lucky to have me, and it makes her appreciate me more. I'm over the moon! It's incredible to hear her say nice things about me to my face, I'm ecstatic, it feels great.
Over the next few days, we have incredible sex like maybe never before, she runs her hands through my hair as she walks past me in the house, she runs her hands over my body, she's never acted this way.
I'm over here just getting washed away in the love, but at the same time I'm curious. My insecurities get the best of me and I check her phone while she sleeps one night.
Several hours before she flew back home, she received a message in a group chat with one other party goer, the bride-to-be, and my wife. (They had a separate chat with the entire party).
The message was one of those text- on-image meme things whatever they're called, it said "Married people with kids and careers find time to have affairs. Don't let a single person tell you they're too busy for you" my wife responded with a skull emoji, nothing else in the thread.
So now I'm a little worried something happened. Am I being gas lit and love bombed after an affair? Did she actually alter her perspective during her trip and is making a concerted effort to show appreciation? Am I overreacting?
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's initial post:
MerryBerryHoney
When my sister had an affair with her ex, I became extremely close to my husband and very cuddly and clingy. It's like knowing my sister was cheating, it could happen to me type panic.
I feel like one of the girls is cheating, everyone knows, it became a joke and your partner became conscious that maybe they were giving you an opportunity or if that woman x who is cheating can cheat and have a perfect relationship, that you could do the same.
Honestly you might be two people afraid of being cheated on by each other right now and maybe you should bond over that instead of letting it divide you.
SpecialpOps
You're bringing up a great point! When my wife found that one of her friends had stepped out on her longtime boyfriend and she shares a house with, my wife got super affectionate. She would tell me how happy she was with me and that she felt really grateful that she was with a guy like me.
She even started getting sexually adventurous and ordered some really cool underthings. It occurred to me that she might be stepping things up because her friend had stepped out.
Course, being the kind of guy that I am, I made sure to give her all the affirmation she needs to know that she is wonderful. It seems like OP's wife is most likely doing the same thing. Bro is totally overreacting.
WielderOfAphorisms
She’s probably happy that she’s married to you and not out battling in the streets.
Jpzzzy54
Yea it seems more like someone was venting about a partner not spending enough time with someone and the joke was that if married people with kids and careers can find time for affairs then someone who doesn't, shouldn't have problems making time for their partner.
As far as the affection goes, when my wife and I spend extended time away from each other, and we get back from whatever trip, we are always all over each other for like a week before we get back into our normal routine.
I think she's telling the truth about other women venting and her appreciating you more as that happens with my wife as well when some of her friends vent about their partners.
Three days later, the OP returned with an update.
throwaway_da_key
I wasn't expecting so many comments the first time around. It was a good reminder of what a petri dish humans on the internet are. After going through everything, the majority of comments supported that my wife(34F) was being truthful with me(34M), and like I said, I've never had a reason not to trust her.
I appreciate everyone who had level headed takes, it helped me remember how wonderful of a person my wife is, and provided impetus for me to make the conscious decision to shut out my insecurities and truly trust her. It was entertaining to see the few trolls give their 2 cents, and a couple of bizarre DM's really spiced things up.
We have had a couple heart-to-heart conversations since my first post, and at this point we're in the best place, maybe ever, of our relationship. Our communication has never been so transparent, honest, and empathetic.
I brought up the meme, the group chat, etc and because my wife is so comfortable and understanding, she wasn't upset. She didn't take offense because I was able to communicate that it stemmed from my own insecurities, nothing she did.
She explained that during the trip, the "other woman"(let's call her Ashley) in the smaller group chat, not the engaged, sent the meme after talking bad all weekend long about how she mess around on her husband, she doesn't respect him etc.
My wife said Ashley was essentially fishing for validation of her shitty behavior from the other women at the bachelorette party the whole time they were there. At one point, Ashley stayed at the AirBNB by herself while everyone else went out to have fun.
Later on, Ashley posted on social media as if she was at this particular venue with the rest of the party, that was discussed and deemed suspicious by the other ladies.
I should also clarify, my wife only knew the bride-to-be at this party, she did not know Ashley or anybody else until she met them on the trip. I say that because a few commented on the last post that even if it were someone else that cheated to everyone's knowledge at the party, it would be highly suspect for my wife to condone this behavior and be friends with this person.
But Ashley is a stranger, neither of us even know her husband.
My wife's engaged friend doesn't even live in our state.
Anyway, I've been completely open and honest with my wife since the last post(well except for the reddit posts), we're doing incredibly well, I'm basking in all the wonderful affection I'd dreamed of for years, I'm just hoping this will last a long long time. I'm glad I didn't do anything more stupid when I was overreacting.
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's update:
_Ravyn_
That's awesome! Sounds like your wife saw someone else playing with fire and is appreciating what she has now. I loved a comment on the previous post that said something to the effect that the grass is greener when you take care and water it and the same is true for relationships.
CaptDeliciousPants
I can say from experience that seeing the spectacular mess someone else’s relationship can make you appreciate your partner even more.
tourmalineforest
Yep. I have definitely come home from events that I spent listening to other people b-word about how much they resent their partners and felt the strong urge to be verrrrry lovey on my husband.
WielderOfAphorisms
I feel vindicated as one of the commenters who thought your wife was happy to not be battling it out in the single world. Happy you’re happy.