Husband considers divorce after wife secretly becomes surrogate for her best friend; 'I was appalled.' AITA?
"AITA for being upset and wanting to file divorce when my wife went behind my back and became a surrogate for her best friend and her husband?"
NoCauliflower5615
Hello. First of all, I apologise if I made any mistake because I never use Reddit. But I just need outside opinions because a lot of people around me seem to tell me I'm overreacting. My niece suggested I share this "to open my eyes" so here I am.
First of all, I (31M) has been married to my wife (31F) for four years. We met during high school, dated and got married. I'm an introvert but not antisocial. I can socialise just fine but for some reason, I've never liked her best friend since high school, E (31F).
She always gives me the bad vibes. She's an extrovert. But to me, she's just someone who often oversteps people's boundaries under the guise of being friendly.
Since we started dating, E has always meddled in our relationship, saying that my wife was too good for a "nerd" like me, that my only redeeming quality was my face. I did tell E to stop, and she did. Now, E is more subtle and passive-aggressive.
A year ago, E and her husband of two years visited her in our house. It was weekend so I was at home, helping my wife taking care of our three year old son who was still two year old at that time.
After I put my son to sleep in his crib upstairs, I went down and overheard their conversation about starting medical procedures for surrogacy. I was appalled and asked them what were they talking about.
The three were shocked to see me downstairs. I told them I absolutely disagree especially since my wife's first pregnancy was very difficult. I was visibly upset and asked why they made this decision without consulting me.
E made her own choice to have her tubes tied at 26, so why can’t she consider someone younger or look into adoption? Why does it have to be my wife?? The argument started and I told them to leave. Later that day, my wife showed a text from E that she and her husband apologised and won't proceed with the plan.
Last Monday, my wife felt unwell. I took her to the hospital despite her protest, where we found out she was pregnant. I was both happy and worried because of her first pregnancy.
She was unusually quiet on the drive home. She then admitted she had secretly undergone IVF procedures since last year. I asked her how she was sure it was not mine, she told me after every session, she was told to not do the deed for two weeks. I remembered that sometimes, she would refuse because of "stress" from work and I always respected that.
I felt heartbroken, betrayed, and disrespected. It felt like it was the last straw. She always sided with E and tried to downplay E's disrespectful behaviour towards me. So, I packed a bag with essentials and left to my parents' house.
Before I left, I told her I will file for a divorce and told my three year old son that I would be going for a "business trip". I haven't pick up her calls or responded to her texts ever since, and I miss my son but couldn't talk or see him without seeing her. Seeing her would hurt me more. E and her husband never reached out to me, showing how little respect they have towards me.
My parents, elder sister and my brother in law are on my side, but my friends, the rest of her family and some of my relatives told me to reconsider and think about our three year old son. I admit I've been crying and drinking all week. The ones who are on her side told me that I shouldn't be controlling and that it is her body, her choice.
It was not my intention but I was just hurt, sad and disappointed. I truly love her. Why am I upset? Why am I disappointed? I'm not one that likes to be vulnerable and make a post about it but here I am. So AITA? Tell me.
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's post:
Mother_Search3350
Your wife is a monumental AH and a POS. Her body, her choice... Lawyer up, get that divorce so she can be free to do whatever TF she wants to do with her body. Her b!shh friend and the husband can take her in and look after her and their baby and if the pregnancy unalives her, all the flying monkeys shouting 'her body, her choice' can pony up money to have that epitaph engraved on her tombstone. NTA.
NoCauliflower5615 (OP)
I will, thank you. I'm not in the right state of mind. I have loved this person since we were 15. And I can't respond to everyone because I feel overwhelmed. I'm an introvert after all.
But my wife's story is kind of suspicious. Because surrogacy is illegal in Malaysia for Muslims, but apparently legal for non Muslims. We are non Muslims. I think the process is tedious and I don't trust the three enough to be able to complete the paperwork honestly. I think there's cheating involved. When I calm down, I will confront her.
Apprehensive-Care20z
"When I calm down, I will confront her."
Don't "confront" her, get a divorce lawyer asap. Get official confirmation of the "surrogacy" procedures, invoices, doctor's name, dates of procedures, etc. This story is one of those 'the person murdered my family, AITA for not inviting him to my birthday party?" questions.
NoCauliflower5615 (OP)
I'm sorry. I feel like my life is in shambles. I have loved her for so long. I can't think rationally as of now. I won't post here if not my closest friends told me to forgive her for the sake of our toddler. I feel like no one is on my side in real life, except my immediate family.
I don't want to burden my family anymore with my rants. So I went here. I feel pathetic. I feel like an idiot. Now that I think about it, it's more likely that she cheated. I'm not sober. Maybe I should rest for a while.
LostMyLastAccSomehow
You're NTA. The blatant lies and disrespect and treating you like an idiot. There's more that you don't know about, I promise you that. Get the hell out dude.