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Wife asks if she's wrong for refusing to put gambling addict husband on deed to home.

Wife asks if she's wrong for refusing to put gambling addict husband on deed to home.


Do husbands and wives really need to share everything?

Reddit user u/TAGamblingHusband doesn't want to put her husband on the deed to a new house after he previously lost all of their money due to his gambling addiction.

Now, this wife is wondering, 'AITA (Am I The A**hole) for not wanting my Husband on the deed?'

She writes:

I (37F) have been married to my Husband (38M) for 10 years. We both worked good jobs, had a house with a mortgage and otherwise lived normal lives until 5 years ago when everything turned upside down.

My husband has always liked to gamble, it was never excessive, poker night with the boys, a couple of trips to Las Vegas, the lottery that was it. Or so I thought.

Eventually, all the lies and the secrets came out, he'd been gambling, a lot. Online, illegal poker games, horse race betting, everything you could put money down on. He had secret credit cards, emptied our savings account without me realizing, and even took a loan out again the house, faking my signature to do so.

Eventually his brother convinced him to tell me. I'd always been good with money I'd never been stupid, but I relaxed around my Husband because I had no reason to believe he'd do something like this.

We had to sell our house to pay off the loan and mortgage, we paid off some of the credit cards and bookies but still had a mountain of debt. We even put off having kids because we were no longer financially secure.

My Dad (72M) came to our rescue, he had a decent pension enough to live on and gave me some of his savings to pay off the rest of the debt so we could rebuild. I had initially refused but he said it was an 'early inheritance' and I was desperate.

My husband went to gamblers anonymous, he had to be completely transparent with his Internet and phone usage with me and his brother, if he left to go out with friends he would have to send a photo to show he wasn't gambling. I was strict because I said it was that or I left..

My husband stopped gambling immediately 5 years ago, made it to nearly 2 years before the relapsed and ended up losing $1,500 at poker. He apologized, continued on the meetings and nothing since. He hasn't gambled in 3 years.

My Dad recently passed and with the sale of his estate and his savings we have enough to buy a house again, with only a small mortgage. The issue is I don't want my husband on the deed, the idea of us losing everything again because he remortgaged/put a loan against the house terrifies me. I don't know how I would survive if we lost it all again.

I broached the idea of just my name on the deed and when I explained why he called me an asshole, said I clearly don't trust him and if I don't trust him why am I still married to him. His brother also called me an asshole, said I've seen how hard he's worked and I need to forgive him and just move forward. AITA?

Reddit users think this wife is wise to keep her husband off the deed to the house. Even though he's working hard to stay clean from his gambling addiction, it's a big risk to include him on the deed after he so blatantly broke her trust in the past. They say this woman is not 'The A**hole' for protecting herself from future financial ruin.

From WhiteJadedButterfly

NTA, it’s your money that you’re using to buy your house. House is yours, only your name on the deed is good enough.

From longpas

Yep, he may be a gambling man, but OP isn't. Op needs to tell him that she won't gamble with her future and if that's how he feels she's going to walk away and cash out. He should be thankful she stuck by him when the chips were down and understand that he's not someone that can handle assets in his name.

From WhizzoButterBoy

He’s lucky you didn’t send him to prison for forging your signature- this is a felony where I’m from. NTA OP. This is about him being supportive of you and the damage he caused by his actions. You’ve done your bit supporting him now he needs to step up FOR YOU.

You should see a lawyer about preserving your ownership of assets in a marital relationship- and potentially CONSIDER setting up a contract. After X years or when he has saved Y dollars … he will be added to the deed If he’s that worried about it - he now has a goal to achieve

From ThatsSoExtra

Part of any 12-Step program is making amends. I'm not sure how far in debt he got you, but whatever that dollar amount is, he owes it to you as part of his recovery program. You can take his repayments and apply them toward the mortgage, or put them into a savings account. It's your choice.

If he hasn't made direct financial amends to you, then he's not in a recovery program and shouldn't be trusted. It's possible his 'sponsor' is just an old gambling buddy. NTA

From​​​​​​​ emmaheaven1

Do not. I repeat DO NOT put your husband's name on that deed. I went to a gamblers conference once and gamblers have a less than 12% rate of full recovery. More than likely he is just laying low and will 100% gambler again. Gamblers recovery rate is worse than a crack head or a meth head. They even showed how the thrill is like drugs in the brains. I won't even date a gambler because of it. He will eat you alive.

From​​​​​​​ PJfanRI

NTA. Its your money from the inheritance so you get to decide how to use it. The simple fact you're still married to him demonstrates that you've forgiven him and moved on. You've earned the right to protect yourself by keeping only your name on the deed. Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.

From​​​​​​​ HeartpineFloors

After all that?! NTA You can love someone and forgive them without putting yourself at unreasonable risk. Your husband is an addict, will always struggle with this compulsion, and has already relapsed once. Keeping your own assets in your own name is the sane thing to do under the circumstances and he’s being astonishingly selfish not to understand and support that.

Also. Did he ever even try to pay your father back? What did he do to make up for forging your name, losing your life savings and taking away your home? Has he faced any consequences AT ALL for his actions? Because it sounds like he just got bailed out and went on his way and now expects you to act like nothing happened and give him the rest of your father’s money. No.

From stillnotthatgirl

This is the thing. It’s not that you don’t trust him - but you have to be realistic. You trust that he is trying to fight this addiction, but it is an addiction and sometimes addicts relapse. That’s already happened to your husband once. By keeping the deed in your name alone, you are working to keep you both safe. NTA.

Sources: Reddit
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