'AITA for not wanting to take my wife's ex's kids on a family vacation?'

"AITA for not wanting to take my wife's ex's kids on a family vacation?"

Apologies in advance for the mess that this all is. My wife (43F) and I (45M) have been married for 8 years and have 2 kids (8 & 6). My wife also has a 10-year-old daughter with her ex. My wife and her ex were never married, but her ex also has 2 kids (12 & 13) that my wife was basically a stepmom to.

We live in a smallish town (9-10 thousand population) so all the kids go to the same school district and see each other regularly. My wife obviously is still in contact with her ex regarding their daughter and we routinely get all the kids together, including ex's, for birthdays and stuff like that.

My wife and I have been wanting to take a family vacation for a couple years now but have waited until our youngest is a bit older. This would be our first family vacation. We decided to start planning something for spring break next year since all the kids have time off from school and our youngest will be 7 by then.

We decided to take the kids to Disneyland (the California one). We booked everything a little over a month ago. Of course, my wife talked with her ex about taking their daughter. So, the plan was my wife and I taking our 2 kids and my wife's daughter.

Sometime between now and then, ex's kids and my wife's daughter got into an argument while daughter was at ex's house and my wife's daughter used the "Yeah, well I'm going to Disneyland and you're not" line. That opened up a whole can of worms and now ex's 2 older kids are jealous and making life difficult for daughter every time she spends time at ex's house.

My wife and her ex have been talking about this and somehow they came up with the idea that ex's 2 older kids could come with us on our trip in order to smooth things over. My wife told me about it the idea a couple of days ago.

Here's her rundown: Ex would pay for all expenses for the older kids. Flights, extra hotel room, tickets to the park, spending money, etc. But he wouldn't be coming with. So, instead of our first family vacation, we are supposed to bring 2 additional kids that neither of us are biologically related to.

I immediately shot that idea down. It's not that I have anything against ex's kids, they're fine. But this idea changes the trip completely and, for me at least, turns it from a family vacation to a borderline nightmare I want nothing to do with.

My wife got upset with me because I "didn't hear her out." But to me, there's no amount of planning or attention to details that is going to make adding 2 additional kids to this trip worth it. I know my wife is still close to ex's kids, she basically raised them while they were together.

Wife and ex haven't told the older kids about the idea yet (thank God) but she's still trying to convince me that this is a good idea and everything will work out. I don't want to, but I'm thinking of just cancelling the whole thing unless she agrees to keep our original family plan. But I know if I do that then I will be the bad guy to everyone involved.

This is what people had to say to OP:

Exotic-Rooster4427 said:

Personally i would be telling the daughter if she rubs her good fortune into other people's faces and then get upset that they are mean to her that the consequences of her actions is what she is experiencing. In addition if she is going to be a mean child she will loose the right to go on the holiday and will stay with her dad.

Ordinary-Audience363 said:

NTA. Her ex should go on his own vacation with his kids. Otherwise, you are babysitters.

LifeAsksAITA said:

Nta. If the ex’s kids are 12/13 yrs old , and you have been with your wife for 8 yrs , then how is it possible that she was “basically “ a step mom to those kids and raised them ? They were together for a very short period of time when the kids were toddlers.

I think unnecessarily you guys blended the family more than it needs to and gave more concessions to the ex that he is demanding that you take his bio kids whom you and your wife have no relation to on a trip to Disneyland.

Also the older kids will ruin the trip. They won’t have many rides or interests in common with the younger her ones. Your wife needs to cut the cord with her ex except for parenting their one child together.

OP responded:

I didn't include this in the post as I didn't really think it was important, but I'll include it here. The mother of ex's kids passed away during childbirth of the 12 year old. My wife got together with her ex about a year after that.

After she and ex broke up she still stayed in touch with the 2 older kids, but stopped doing 1-on-1 stuff with them. Now that the kids are older, they don't really view my wife as the same motherly figure (ex has had multiple other GFs since then).

LindaBelcher75 said:

NTA. Adding two more kids is a TON more work, no matter if the ex pays for everything. If the ex can pay for that, why can't he take his kids on his own??

OrdinaryMajestic4686 said:

Disclaimer: I do not come from a blended family like the one you have. So I've never dealt with anything similar. I would say NAH. Being asked to be responsible for someone else's kids for a vacation is a big ask. I don't know how close ya'll are with the other family. I don't know how involved your wife is.

Her stance makes sense if she's very involved in her ex's kid's lives as a guardian figure. But I don't really think it's your responsibility. I think it's something that whether you say yes or no, it is understandable.