'AITA? My wife’s family wants to move in with us and we said no.' 'We live our own life.'
"AITA? Wife’s family wants to move in with us and we said no..."
Three years ago, the wife’s mother and boyfriend moved out of state to go live with grandma. Years later (now) grandma passed and mother in law wants to come back to the area. They have unrealistic expectations of being able to find property as they both have very little income.
My wife has three brothers. One brother is isolated and blocked all communication. James lives cross country and Tom lives close to us. James and Tom keep in touch with mother In Law and are "trying to help."
Tom one of my wife’s brothers always was very vocal of taking care of mom when grandma passed. Now that she has passed he has no room and can’t take care of mom until years from now after making false promises.
My wife and I are the only ones that own property. So we are looked at as the ones that should house mom. My wife has had very minimal contact with her mother in the 10 years of marriage.
Not once did we ever pretend to be able to help. We live our own life and have never asked any of them for help or opinions. Whenever we get contacted it’s because something is needed. We said no to housing them but offered our time to help find a reasonable priced place. However, every reasonable option seems to have an issue.
They basically made poor decisions and have some options but are treating us like we are the only option. Now we are being pushed by each sibling to make a “temporary commitment “ to house mother in law boyfriend and animals . AITA for standing our ground and not accommodating?
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
almalauha said:
NTA. Dude, you know this will not be a "temporary" commitment. They think housing that is acceptable to their wishes/standards is expensive now? Just wait 1, 3, 5 years and it will likely be worse (unless MIL and her partner start making more money!)
So whatever issue MIL and partner have now, this will still be an issue in the future so they will stay living with you until you and your wife finally kick them out or until you've had enough and you leave by yourself if your wife wants to keep housing them.
Since your wife has had very little contact with her mother, I think it's totally fair that all you and your wife want to do is help with finding a place, but obviously NOT take them in.
If you and your wife are on the same page, you need to stand firm and just keep repeating: "We are happy to help you find housing within your budget, but that's all we want to do. You and your partner can not live with us, and this is not open for discussion." REPEAT.
Sucks if they've not planned for old age, but a couple can have an OK life in a one-bedroom apartment. Maybe they need to rehome some of their animals, that's just the reality of if you can no longer afford to house them. You nor your wife are responsible for MIL and her partner's poor planning.
ForlornLament said:
NTA. It seems your wife doesn't even have a close relationship with her mother. You also don't know how long this "temporary" commitment would last for — MIL and boyfriend might very well refuse to leave your home once they are there. Helping this find a home for themselves is a much more reasonable solution.
Round_Butterfly2091 said:
NTA. Whenever we get contacted it’s because something is needed. If they only talk to you when they want something, I would be less inclined to be generous. Now we are being pushed by each sibling to make a “temporary commitment."
They would not leave. I would go as far to say that letting them stay with the both of you was the plan all along. After all, the siblings would be off the hook so they would be happy. They see you and your wife as their safety net. Don't give in!
do_mika said:
NTA your offer to help them find a place within their budget is generous considering your wife doesn’t stay in contact often. I’d suggest the boyfriend’s family house them, but I’m going to go out on a limb and guess he’s in a similar situation as MIL.
Wiser_Owl99 said:
NTA, they lived with grandma for 3 years, and I am guessing they have saved nothing for this next phase of their lives. Two adults without children should be able to figure this out. Doesn't the bf have family they can leech from?
Diasies_inMyHair said:
NTA - If you open that door, you will have a devil of a time getting it closed again. Stand your ground here.