Husband tells wife her writing career is a hobby; 'your job is to do the dishes.' AITA?
"AITA for telling my wife she doesn't have a job she has a hobby"
Distinct_While_1139
Ok so some context my wife is a house wife and is charge of all the chores since I usually leave around 7 in the morning and return at around 7 at night as I work long hours. That's simply the nature of having your own firm and the commute is a hour both ways.
So recently my wife wanted to use her English degree to use and try and publish a book which thought she was just doing as something to pass the time. So over the past few weeks, chores like the dishes and dusting haven't been getting done and started pilling up.
So, I decided to talk to her about it and she told me that I have to start doing some of the chores as she is working now too. I told her that's not a job, just a hobby until she starts making money and I tried to tell her that we agreed that she takes care of the house while I make the money.
She got mad at me about this and claimed I was belittling her. I tried to defend myself by explaining I'm not mocking her but that's just a matter of the fact that her writing doesn't make any money meaning it's not a real job and just something she does for her own enjoyment.
After some back and forth, she got even more mad at me and has decided to go sleep in the guest room for the time being and is in general a bit annoyed with me but has started to take care of the chores. So AITA?
Edit- For full transparency we do have a 7 year old daughter together but she goes to school at around 7:35 in the morning and comes back almost 5pm in the evening after her extracurriculars. So, my wife only watches her for about 2 hours without me each day, which is why I refer to her as a stay at home wife and not mom.
Here were the top rated comments from readers:
Still_Command5702
NTA . If OP was a house husband telling his wife that he wanted to be a streamer by playing video games and expected his working wife to pick up the chores y’all would be jumping at his throat.
There are no kids involved, meaning that out of 24h of the day she has to spend at most 3/4 hours cleaning and the rest sitting on her ass. Plenty of time to write I’d say. If she wants to split chores she needs to find a job so that you can cut your working hours.
Edit: It has been pointed out that they have a child. The child ,however ,is out of the house for 10 whole hours. Again after cleaning ,which takes at most a couple of hours ,the wife has more than 5 hours free to do as she pleases. So the judgment still stands.
As a partner she cannot expect her husband to shoulder 100% of the economical responsibilities and 50% of the household responsibilities. If she wants to not clean she can use the money she makes from writing to pay for a cleaner… oh wait.
The point of all this is not that she is not allowed to write. It is her right to pursue her dream. What is not right is to expect others to compromise in her place, when she is the one that should compromise.
Writers didn’t start their career by doing nothing all day, having all their expenses handled by others. Either she finds a part time job to pay for a cleaner that cleans in her stead, a full time job so the husband can cut his work hours short and handle the chores as well or… enjoy the great privilege that she has.
Doing a couple of hours of chores, having the kid at school most of the day and not having to worry about money. She has all the time she needs to start writing.
Daddygamer423
You are 100% correct in this. House chores with no kids takes an hour a day at the most. wtf is going on in this world. He added that they have a kid after my initial post. Still an hour a day to clean the house where two adults live (child not included) is plenty of time as long as they are normal adults and pickup after themselves.
If you or someone you know destroys their home and never picks up after themselves then you or they need serious help. I don’t count folding laundry while watching TV in the one hour cleaning.
If you’re sucking wind and sweating bullets after thirty minutes of vacuuming then you should get in better shape. Seriously, anyone complaining please get over yourself.
Etugen
House chores without kids don’t take an hour a day at the most if you’re actually doing the house chores and not putting 3-5 pieces of dishes in the dishwasher and calling it a day.
CakeEatingRabbit
ESH? I think she should be doing (nearly) all of the chores still. But you really could've worded everything better. Complaining about dusting also seems a little... picky.
Yes, it is basically 'her job', but you are not her boss. And you really didn't take her serious! You wrote here yourself that you see it as a pass time. Show a bit more respect and support to your wife. It literally would cost you neither money nor time.
MamasaurusRex17
But it is a past time. She has no book deal, no publisher interested. It's literally her writing a story. Which is just a hobby- unless she gets paid. Lots of people write as a hobby.
asdrunkasdrunkcanbe
Lots of people work on creative arts without having a particular customer or paying job lined up. Artists produce work and then put them on display in the hope that they'll be sold. Musicians write songs and then perform them in public in the hope of gathering an audience.
Writers write books and send them to publishers in the hope they'll be taken up on it. It's incredibly condescending to say it's not a real job until/unless you've been paid for it.
She has clearly expressed her desire to publish a book, not just write one for fun. Which means she is pursuing it as a job, if not a career. The best way to start a career in the creative arts, is to treat it like a job and not a hobby. Which is why it's so difficult; because you're not getting paid from the start.