'AITA for accepting money from my parents for my wedding, then eloping?'
"AITA for accepting money from my parents for my wedding, then eloping?"
My parents gave each of my brothers $50,000 when they graduated from university as a downpayment on their home. When I graduated they did not do the same for me. I asked about it and they said my husband should provide. I wasn't married. I still lived at home.
Three years later I met my husband. We dated for a year and then we got engaged. My parents were overjoyed. When we set a date they gave me a check for $50,000 to pay for the wedding. WTF?
I took the check and we eloped. We then used the check for a downpayment on a house. My husband had a similar amount saved up so we are in a good spot with equity. My parents are furious that they didn't get a big wedding for all their friends and family to attend.
They said that they gave me the money for a wedding. My argument is that I got married, and had leftover money. Accurate in my books. My brothers are on their side so I am here to ask if I'm in the wrong. AITA?
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
You set a date for 2 weeks time and they gave you $50k for wedding expenses, is that correct?
Important-Writing889 OP responded:
To be more exact we told them we were engaged. My dad went to his office and came back with a check for the money. We accepted it. We went home and talked about it. We decided that we were not going to blow that kind of money on a wedding. We went to the county clerk and got a marriage lisesnce.
We talked to our friends and they agreed to let us use their house. We went to the bank and put $50,000 down on our mortgage. We can pay it down without penalty once a year. It took us two weeks or so to get set with an officiant and everything. We had six friends and my parents present for the wedding. Total cost $500.
Ok, that makes more sense. Did your parents frame it as a wedding gift or as money for the wedding itself? Did they give you a wedding gift?
This is hard for me because my morals don’t align with your parents. I can understand why they’re upset, but because I disagree with them I find it hard to care.
I’m going to say NTA because I think your parents were assholes first, so you only took steps to correct their failings. All children should be treated equally, and giving $50k for a party for their friends vs. $50k with no strings attached isn’t equal at all.
Usually, I would say people need to be honest and it doesn’t sound like you were honest with your parents. In this scenario there’s no point being honest if they aren’t going to be fair.
Important-Writing889 OP responded:
The gifts for my brothers were for their house. My middle brother used a bunch of his for furniture and a big TV.
Did they complain about you not having a super cheap wedding at the time or only way after the fact?
Important-Writing889 OP responded:
They were, are, and will continue to be pissed for the foreseeable future.
A_Dog_Chasing_Cars said:
NTA, your family is being horrible and is using a bullsh$t double standard. They didn't expect your brothers to use that money for a big wedding, but you have to. They wouldn't have helped you get a home unless it was through marriage, but your brothers didn't have that condition and just got the money.
And they expected you to have a huge wedding so that they could have fun. Saving up the money is the responsible thing to do and they're being bad parents if they'd rather you spent it all in a huge wedding you don't even want.
Longjumping-Lab-1916 said:
NTA. You found a loophole. It seems odd they gave you the money outright vs paying the wedding invoices. Sorry your parents have double standards.
wildorca_pinkrose said:
ESH- your parents are clearly sexist. They should have given you that money when you graduated what if you didn't want to get married? I also think if they gave you the money for your wedding you could have had a small wedding and invited them and used the rest for a house so you at least used part of it for what they intended.
bransanon said:
I mean this is technically an ESH situation, but I have to give you an NTA because your parents sound like narcissistic dbags. Also f your brothers for taking their side.
CautiousProcedure947 said:
The house will help you for life. A bunch of money on a wedding won’t do anything for you.
dncrmom said:
NTA you used the money for a down payment on your home, just like your brothers. If your parents want a huge party, tell them to host a vow renewal for themselves. A home and successful marriage is much more important & lasting than a wedding reception.
KnightofForestsWild said:
NTA How very sexist of them. Guess you showed them you were more than a pretty face. Brains, too. Got that required husband and the money to top it off. Demanding you spend it all on a party when the set your brothers up nicely in life. What aholes.