Woman accused of being culturally insensitive about butter, tells BF, 'Your family is BULLYING me.' AITA?

When this woman offends her BF's family, she asks the internet:

"AITA for being culturally insensitive about butter?"

I was at my boyfriend’s family home. I’m a nurse. My son burnt himself on the grill by smacking his forehead into while playing. He had a little burn. I went to the bathroom to clean it up and put some cold water on it.

My boyfriend’s great grandmother is there. There might be some cultural differences between they are Latina but she insists on putting butter on my kids burn. I said no and his mom came to talk to be saying I should just do this because it’s disrespectful to his great grandmother not to take her advice she’s almost 100.

I told his mother it’s disrespectful of them not to listen to me about treating my own child and I’m a nurse so so I’m not putting butter on a small burn.

The woman in his family tried to bully me again about the butter and I’m finally got mad and said butter is for cooking why would I want it on the burn. I saw his mom try yo put it on my kid and I said no fg butter. I took my kid and left.

My boyfriend said I am not to treat his family like that and I should have just let them do it. In his culture elders are important. I said in my culture my boundaries and health are more important than your grandma’s ego.

We haven’t talk since and my friend said I was being insensitive to my boyfriend and his family. Edit: My boyfriend is not the father of my son. I am divorced.

Let's see what readers had to say:

atelain writes:

NTA because 1/ you are his mom, you have the final say in how he is treated 2/ you are a nurse, medical professional and you know better ways to treat such wounds (and to avoid risks like infection) 3/ butter-on-a-burn is an old "traditional" thing to do but there is no observed benefit (medically, scientifically, there are studies) and in fact it can make things worse if the skin hasn't been cooled enough after the actualy burn - by putting cold water on it, as you did.

Now the woman was almost 100 so it is easy to see how she would not accept these arguments or has the role of her family old-wise-matriarch. I don't think she is an asshole here either, that's how old folks are.

But your boyfriend's mother scolding you like this is entirely asshole behavior. And if your boyfriend is not on your side in this, you should reconsider where does he draws the line in his family respecting you and you respecting them.

In my culture elders are important too but they are also wise enough to hear their children say "Let her be, grandma, you know how young people are, they need to do it their way" and that would have been it.

psychga writes:

NTA. Butter on a burn is not specific to Latin culture and it isn’t culturally appropriate to “respect your elders” by doing something that will harm your child. We all learned better than to do that decades ago, so it’s ridiculous.

If grandma is so fragile that she can’t hear the word no and is unwilling to learn, then that’s on her. I have a family member over 100 and she is amazing. She’s constantly doing and learning new things and is genuinely one of the funniest people I’ve ever met.

It’s definitely not an age thing for people to be like the grandma in OP’s post. You do you and don’t listen to the naysayers about your kid’s health.

It’s not culturally insensitive to not listen to harmful advice and if your boyfriend cares more about grandma being butt hurt than your son’s health and wellbeing then that says all you need to know about the relationship in the long term.