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Woman accused of 'stealing' her friend's wedding; 'I'm NOT giving it back.' AITA?

Woman accused of 'stealing' her friend's wedding; 'I'm NOT giving it back.' AITA?


When this woman is annoyed with her friend's wedding accusation, she asks the internet:

"AITA for refusing to give my friend her wedding back after I allegedly stole it?"

A bit of backstory my (24f) friend, Shelby (24f), has been back and forth between two men, both about 26m. It’s not really how it sounds, I’ve helped her through this weird situation for years.

Shelby and Matt (first guy) were together for about 2 years. She knew he was going to propose soon as they had talked about it more frequently. Matt and I had even talked/met up a few times to discuss what she would like, the ring, etc.

Well, a week before he was planning to propose, Matt got a job offer in California which is huge for his career (software developer)…we live in Pennsylvania. Shelby didn’t want to move and they didn’t want to do long distance which was shocking to me because I know how much they love each other.

Fast forward a year Shelby met and got engaged to Austin (second guy) which I guess was serious but not as serious as her and Matt. And I got engaged in February to Alex (25m).

Alex kind of wanted to do a rush wedding because most of his family lives in South America, can’t afford to fly often, and they are already coming here in September.

Now here’s where it gets interesting, Matt’s mother got sick at the end of last year and has unfortunately gotten worse, so Matt moved back to Pennsylvania in Feb/March ish. Naturally, old feelings stirred up between Matt and Shelby, and she kind of had to choose.

The whole month of April was back-and-forth, but just very recently her and Matt got back together, she canceled the wedding with Austin, and Matt finally proposed like he had been planning to.

Here’s where I may be the AH. After I found out that the wedding was canceled I got in touch with Shelby’s florist, Caterer, venue, etc. I didn’t exactly steal her wedding, but the ideas that were given to me are quite similar because they were the few available options seeing as how we were in a rush.

I even chose the same date that her and Austin were planning to get married because I knew that all of our friends would be available. Now I just found out from Shelby that her and Matt plan to do the exact same wedding that her and Austin were going to do, just different groom.

I told her that I now plan to use the date in September because she had canceled with all of the guests, the caterer, florist, etc., and it would be easier to re plan her wedding than to try and reassemble.

She called me selfish and bad friend and I just tried to explain to her that Alex and I didn’t have much time. It's not my problem. So am I the Ahole?

jrm writes:

YTA - why are you in a rush? But you did this all behind her back, for a reason. Because you knew it was skeevy. All you had to do was have a conversation with her and you’d have been fine.

kabamu writes:

As for the verdict, NTA, but Julia is probably not going to forgive you for taking advantage of her broken plans. If you're good with that outcome, i think youre fine. It's a little crass on your part, but not nearly as much as her trying to reuse her planned wedding for a completely different guy.

camp5 writes:

She cancelled her "contract". You took up the space. Now she wants it back. Too bad. NTA.

craft00 writes:

It's a little odd that you know so many details about Shelby wedding, but Shelby was not aware of your wedding plans.

I understand that you were in a rush, but it would probably have made sense to ask her whether using the same date would be okay. We lean towards NTA, but consider that your friend may not feel appreciative that you didn't key her into an important detail.

evenenthuse writes:

You completely stole her wedding. She canceled and you jumped in and took everything that she had planned. You are a bad friend and at least you know you have two less people to come to your wedding. Yta.

What do YOU make of OP's dilemma? Is she TA or not?

Sources: reddit
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