Woman accuses sister's BF of trying to poison HER BF; 'I know I'm right.' AITA? UPDATED
When ths woman is convinced that her sister's BF tried to poison her BF, she asks the internet:
"AITA for calling out sister’s BF for potentially poisoning my BF?"
I (25F) volunteered to cook the Christmas Dinner for my family yesterday. My parents are getting older, so I would feel guilty sitting back whilst they did all the work! Also, we have the added complication of my partner (32M) being celiac.
I’m used to cooking for us both and making sure everything is safe and gluten-free. Me and my family are also all veggie/vegan.
My sister (20F) and her boyfriend (21M) have been dating a few months. He doesn’t have a great relationship with his family, so we invited him to join us for the holidays. We’d not met him before this.
So a couple of days before Christmas, my sister rang me, saying her bf had been complaining about being ‘forced’ to have meat/gluten-free dinner.
I told her that he was more than welcome to bring something for himself and that I’d be happy to cook it for him, but asked if he could please not bring anything with gluten in, as it could make my partner really ill.
Anyway, cut to yesterday and I cook the duck he brought first and leave it to rest. Pretty much the whole time he was lurking over my shoulder, smirking, and making comments about how ‘it must be weird to go back on my values’.
I told him that I didn’t mind and that I used to cook some meat stuff for my partner before he went veggie, as long as he bought it with his own money.
Ten minutes before I was about to plate up (the most stressful time) he comes back into the kitchen, saying he’s starving as the food’s taking too long, and wants to eat some of his duck.
Obviously I was a bit irritated as it was literally the worst timing, but said okay. He was about to leave the room, when I saw he’d put the duck in a small baguette. I asked where he’d got it from and he said he’d brought it with him.
I panicked and flew around the kitchen, cleaning up all the crumbs he’d made and throwing away any food that wasn’t covered. I was so stressed out and close to tears - my partner wasn’t diagnosed with coeliac disease until his late 20s and his digestive system is in a bad way.
His doctors have said the next gluten incident could put him in the hospital - with him possibly needing to have a stoma bag for the rest of his life.
We finally sit down to dinner and my family all thank me for cooking. My sister’s bf chimes in, saying that he helped cook. Well, I completely lost it. I told everyone that not only did he not help, he risked spiking my partner by bringing gluten into the kitchen.
Everyone was horrified, especially my sister, who had no idea he’d brought the bread. He refused to apologise and said he didn’t realise what the big deal was, which resulted in him getting chewed out by my Mom and Dad. He ate, excused himself and holed up in my sister’s room for the rest of the night.
I feel like I might be TA for blowing up at him in front of everyone, especially since he went home this morning, telling my sister he ‘didn’t feel welcome here’. So Reddit, AITA?
Before we give you OP's update from 2 months later, let's read some of the top responses:
activewin77 writes:
NTA. You were incredibly clear about gluten and baguettes so obviously contain gluten. He knew that and did it deliberately. I also wonder if he has a bad relationship with his family bc he behaves this way or they are this way as well and HE doesn’t like it but dishes it out anyway.
On top of that, he was just rude the entire time YOU were accommodating him and making snide comments. He clearly wasn’t interesting in being appreciative or accommodating. Your sister should break up with him.
deerstalker writes:
NTA, he sounds like a real jerk. No one "forced" him to have a gluten/meat free dinner, he accepted an invitation to a dinner at someone else's home and that's what y'all were having.
You had already gone above and beyond being accomodating by cooking his duck, and had no reason to tolerate him stealing your credit for cooking the meal...
(especially since it sounds like him getting crumbs everywhere caused you to have to throw out food you'd just made). Ignoring your request not to bring gluten since it could kill your SO shows that he's incredibly disrespectful of other people.
dangerspring writes:
NTA but curious. I knew someone who had celiac's (in his 60s) all his life and he said it wasn't like a peanut allergy where he couldn't be around gluten.
As long as his meal was prepared gluten free he could eat alongside other people who were eating gluten. He went to restaurants where bread was served and ate meals where everyone but him had bread.
He even kissed his wife after she'd been eating bread. His only restriction was not swallowing gluten because his stomach couldn't digest it. Now I'm wondering if it was more of a gluten intolerance rather than celiac's.
okfaithless writes:
ESH. It's only deadly for approximately 1% and leads to seriouse complications for a few % when only ingesting a few breadcrumbs, the rest of us can accidently have some gluten without deadly consequences.
Sure it's not good and the symtomes form digesting gluten can be horrible. If your boyfriend risk getting that sick you should have explained that before and her bf should have listen to your instructions either way.
But you all should not have yelled at him like that. I'm diagnosed with celiac disease amongs other things and think ypu all were rude.
noappt writes:
NTA. And can we stop using "...they are alone on Xmas for a reason..."? I understand entirely AND the inverse is true I don't spend holidays with other people bc I always encounter assholes who other because family and seasonal gatherings are a great place for them to act out & everyone placates the are "Because Xmas!"
Yes this guy has likely burned bridges w his behavior - pretty much textbook - but lumping all holiday solo humans w him is othering and diminishing and implies I'm less than, because I chose myself over people who treat me poorly.
gimmecheese writes:
NTA.But your sister’s BF is. He wasn’t “forced” to eat at your house. Your family graciously invited him to your home because he & his own family do not get along.
Instead of saying thank you & simply eating what was offered, he acted like you gracious invite was some kind of punishment. You sister should have shut him down right there & said “well the invite is for a vegetarian gluten free Christmas dinner.
If you don’t like it, you don’t have to come”. Instead you & your family very kindly offer to Cook him something he brings, including meat, as long as he brings nothing gluten in the house.
And again instead of saying thank you, he lurks around you mocking you joyously thinking he’s forced you to compromise your morals to submit to his requests. And that’s all before him bringing in bread & trying to claim he cooked.
Your sister deserves better & is worth more than this pitiful excuse for a BF. Makes you wonder why he wasn’t welcomed at his family’s home.
And now, OP's update, 2 months later:
Hi everyone - I just wanted to give an update (I hope that’s okay, admins!). Thank you all so much for your support and for the awards - it was really heartwarming to see so many kind people in the comments.
There’s some good and bad news - good, that he IS now my sister’s ex. They had a huge blow out over the phone not long after he left, where he admitted that he thinks dietary requirements are for ‘attention seekers’ and that vegans in particular are ‘nazis’.
He confessed he’d been secretly feeding my sister meat products (swapping fake meat nuggets for chicken, using meat stock instead of veg etc.) their whole relationship and laughed that she’d not been vegetarian for the whole five months of their relationship (she’s been veggie since birth).
We were all absolutely horrified, but so glad he showed his true colours early on in the relationship. My sister is doing a lot better now as it all transpired quite a few months ago.
She was more angry than upset and we’ve all banded round her. She’s relieved to know the stomach problems she had at the time were most likely down to the unfamiliar foods being introduced into the diet...
rather than a medical problem (she was worried she might have early onset Coeliac after comparing her symptoms to my partner). She’s had no digestive issues since they broke up, so go figure.
For those asking why he isn’t close to his family - it seems as though the arsehole doesn’t fall far from the tree as his parents sounds pretty horrible, which is one of the reasons we all felt sorry for him initially. Anyway, thank you all so much again!