'AITA for my reaction to my step-cousin saying I get everything because of 'nepo privilege?''
"AITA for my reaction to my step-cousin saying I get everything because of 'nepo privilege?'"
Me and my step-cousin (I'll name her Lia for this post) are in the same field. We work at a company which is co-owned by my boyfriend's dad. To put it simply, Lia's jealous. She thinks I don't deserve to be there and get everything handed to me. I'm a hard worker and got a promotion recently, which set her off even more.
Both of us had actually been applying to some other jobs as well, she got one of them so she's going to move out of state soon. I also got an offer but decided to stay here because of the promotion.
We had a family potluck over the weekend, and of course a lot of them had heard of my promotion and were congratulating me. Lia was there and she seemed fine throughout the night, but at one point my aunt (her stepmom) said something about how proud everyone is of me for being so successful in a traditionally man's field.
I just said thanks and told her I'd gotten an offer from another place too, but decided to stay and I'm happy I have options on what I want to do. Lia overheard this and came at me, saying 'it's not about my options but my nepo privilege' and how 'she got a new job too but everyone's kissing up to my a*#'.
I had enough at that point and told her to stop acting like a jealous b*&^h, and focus on herself instead of looking at what others have that she doesn't. She got upset and pretty much stormed off. I did text her later but she didn't reply.
I told my friend this (she knows Lia too) and she said I should apologize to Lia and what I said was way wrong. I don't really think so, but AITA? (My friend suggested to post here).
OP added this in response to comments:
Look I get she's upset, but it's not my fault if people are congratulating me. I'm generally a more people person, she's quiet and shy. I've told her I can talk to my boyfriend and if she keeps her work up she can probably get the next promotion. I've tried to help her. Other relatives have told her I could help her. She didn't want any of it.
I'm not saying I don't have any nepo privilege. That doesn't mean I don't genuinely deserve what I have and work hard. I don't know about other fields but in IT/engineering, networking is important. Connections can get you in, but you need to actually be able to do a good job to keep going and not get fired, which is what I've done.
Of course what Lia's done is great too and I'm proud of her for her new job. I could've also but I didn't want to move my entire life to a new city, so I didn't really try with the application.
Here's what people had to say to OP:
Were you already working at the company when you started dating the owner's son?
throwaway6794241 OP:
No, I started working here after we got together.
INFO: What are the circumstances of the potluck? Is it an event after you not seeing some of the family for a long while? What about for Lia? When in the timeline of the party did you get praised?
throwaway6794241 OP:
This blow up with Lia happened towards the end. Yes I'm pretty sure people knew of her job, I know I did. Last time we had a family event like this was over Christmas
Posada620 said:
ESH (Everyone Sucks Here). She def is jealous and you had every right to go off on her like that cause of what/where she said shit, but don't play dumb. You def have nepo privilege. It's a hard fact of life that a lot of people, especially those that have it, refuse to believe. That's why networking is a thing.
Ok-Paramedic579 said:
YTA (You're the as*hole) I don’t know if ‘nepo privilege’ is the right word, but surely the fact that you work at a company co-owned by your boyfriend’s father does mean something. I’m not saying you aren’t a hard working employee, but you’re definitely very safe at this job for a reason.
Anyways this isn’t why you are TA. YTA because there was no reason for you to call her a b*%$h. She had a point that everyone was paying a lot of attention to your promotion, when she herself was also doing pretty well in her career. I find nothing wrong in how she feels about that. There was no reason for you to lash out at her unhappiness because of the biased treatment she was receiving from everyone.
happybanana134 said:
YTA. She was acting jealous...but I think she has a reason to feel jealous and bitter, frankly. She has a new job and is moving out of state yet at dinner everyone was focusing on you; that sucks. You absolutely do have an advantage in the company you currently work for and, whilst I'm sure you do work hard, for her that sucks too. I don't think she's a 'b*&^h' for vocalizing this.
Ingwall-Koldun said:
YTA for calling someone a b*^%h. Simple 'jealous' would have sufficed.