'WIBTA if I told my fiancée I'm not happy she modified her engagement ring?' PICTURE INCLUDED
"WIBTA if I told my fiancée I'm not happy she modified her engagement ring?"
Last week I celebrated my 2 year anniversary with my then gf, & really went all out to make it an amazing weekend getaway, finishing it all off with a surprise proposal at the very end.
I got her a beautiful ring, simple classic style with smaller diamonds running down on the face of the band with a 1ct diamond sitting on top, it also came as a set with a matching wedding band that really makes the whole thing look amazing.
I basically worked 2 full time jobs for months to be able to save up and buy this for her along with the rest of the weekend plans. The proposal went great, she was completely surprised & I even had a photographer lined up to be there inconspicuously to capture the moment without her noticing.
All week long after, she’s said how much everyone is telling her they love the ring & giving me kudos on the selection, etc. I didn’t have much to go off for figuring her style out because she’s not huge on wearing jewelry, which game me some anxiety regarding that so hearing that made me feel a lot better.
The ring size was a tad bit big so we had planned for her to get it resized sometime this next coming up week. Fast forward to today, she goes to church with her mom and is spending time with some of her family after.
While at her mom’s house, suddenly she texts me saying she might not need to have her ring resized after all now because her mom just gave her a nice ring holder to keep it in place, & sends me a picture of this ring guard/enhancer that, admittedly is very nice, but it almost swallows up her whole ring finger and completely changes the entire appearance of the ring I just gave her.
I told her I don’t think that is going to work after we add the wedding band to the ring, to which she replied she thinks can be split further apart to make that space. She then tells me if I don’t like it she didn’t have to wear it, but in the same text says she really loves it and mentions this ring holder her mom is giving her is $3,000 so it was a very nice gift.
Well, not that the monetary value is what matters here, but I spent just shy of 10 grand on her engagement ring/wedding band and diamond set. So I’m a little offended that she even feels the need to add the enhancer to it, which I’m still not positive will accommodate the wedding band after that is added after the wedding.
I just don’t like the fact that a wedding/engagement ring is meant to be from me and she wants to add more to it from someone else, even if it is her mom. To me, the enhancer is so big completely swallows & hides the ring itself.
AITA for feeling like this? Should I pretend it doesn’t bother me & hope I’ll get used to it, or that she’ll decide on her own to stop wearing it? I’m worried she will take it the wrong way if I tried to object to it, so hoping for some guidance on how to best approach it if my feelings are valid.
Later, he edited the post to include photos for context:
For context, pictures of the engagement ring, the ring with the matching band that came with it, and the ring enhancer her mom gave her.
Here's what top commenters had to say about this:
AnnoyedRedheadedMom said:
The so called ring enhancer is gaudy as hell. That is like putting ketchup on a gourmet meal made especially for you. You would be entitled to feel hurt even if mom's enhancer wasn't tacky and looked like it belonged to a 89 year old woman. NTA.
BaconEggAndCheeseSPK said:
I think YWBTA here. You took a big risk with the surprise engagement and not discussing ring preferences before spending 10k on a ring she will wear everyday for the rest of her life. Do you want her to be happy, or do you want to be able to say that you chose the look of her ring? Because it sounds like the latter.
bethonreddit1 said:
NTA, that ring enhancer is gross and you can’t see the ring at all. I’d assume she doesn’t like the ring, but didn’t want to exchange it as you offered. Perhaps didn’t want to hurt your feelings. Surprise proposals mean surprise rings, but you did offer to exchange. Be honest with each other, this’ll be a good test of your relationship.
ResponsibleSpite1332 said:
Hard to judge this without more context but I’m going with YTA. It sounds like you spent ten grand on something you weren’t even sure your fiancée would like. Have you asked her if she’s happy with the ring?
She’s the one who has to wear it every day. Also picking out the wedding bands should be something you do together. I don’t know if you mean to, but you’re coming off kind of controlling.
Unhygienictree said:
NTA. The ring enhancer is hideous! It totally changes the look of the beautiful ring set you selected for her, which she loved until her mom said something.
Talk to her about finding a different ring together or something if she has a problem with the ring, but it's weird that she wants to wear one from her mom that you didn't propose with. It doesn't sound like it's a family heirloom or anything, and a very strange choice for someone who doesn't really wear much jewelry.
jrm1102 said:
YTA - I dont think youre being quite an AH, but thats the judgments we’re working with here. You're marrying her, not the ring. She also is the one who has to wear the ring, so if that’s what she wants and she’s happy, just enjoy the engagement.
whaddyamean11 said:
YTA if she likes that ring enhancer, then you guessed her ring style very incorrectly because that thing is REALLY flashy and the ring you chose is very simple and traditional.
I think you need to suck it up and find out from her if she really likes that ring enhancer or if she really is just trying to find a solution for the too big ring. If she really likes it, then you need to just get over yourself.