Woman admits she's jealous of future SIL's engagement ring, 'my husband got very upset.' AITA?
"AITA for telling my husband I'm jealous of future SIL's engagement ring?"
My BIL (husband's brother) just got engaged. My husband and I have been married for eight years. Before he proposed, he basically said you can either have a really nice ring or the down payment on a house. I went with the house (which I don't regret at all, with the market the way it is now), and I have a perfectly adequate ring that I also love.
I was fawning over her ring when we were in the car on the way home from seeing them and said something like "oh my gosh I'm so jealous" and my husband got very upset.
I tried to calm him down. Like I'm also jealous of rich people with 5 houses and a private jet but that doesn't mean I expect my husband to provide me with five houses and a private jet, it's just a feeling.
I'm also jealous of our dog who gets to nap all day and never worry about anything. I explained all this to him and he was still mad and said I shouldn't have said anything and it makes him feel like he can't provide for me.
I apologized but a few days later I can tell he's still smarting over the remark. Its actually getting kind of annoying. I tried to bring it up again and he said I just need to leave it alone and then added in "I'm entitled to my feelings just like you're entitled to your jealousy." Honestly it just seems stupid to me. AITA?
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
Apprehensive-Sand466 said:
NTA for expressing how you genuinely feel. But YTA for being upset at your husband's equally genuine reaction and being "annoyed" that he doesn't just get over it. Would you prefer he just bottle his feelings up and never express them? Or just the ones that you don't like?
No-Comfortable-3918 said:
NTA because you didn't intend malice with an insensitive comment. The fawning was OK but the jealous comment was a trigger. Your husband expressed his long term commitment to you in a pragmatic versus "romantic" way based upon your choice.
He may be feeling that you are subconsciously (or have suppressed) a feeling of disappointment for having to make a choice. I disagree with those who say he is behaving like a child. I think he is feeling like he failed you.
Hailthegamer said:
OP: "I said one ity bitty thing after fawning all day over the ring, and I just don't get why he's upset." Yeah it's not just about the comment. By your own admission you were gushing over the ring, I can only imagine how many times you made comments regarding the ring as well, outside of the jealousy remark. Even if no other words were said body language is just as expressive to your spouse.
Not only did you clearly make him feel terrible, he told you to drop it and you keep bringing it up? And the fact he doesn't want to talk about it annoyed you? Like what? YTA.
ThunderKat99 said:
YTA. The other things you named being jealous of are not things that your husband personally chose, purchased, and gave you to represent his love for and commitment to you. You "fawning over" your future SILs ring was probably heavy for him by itself, but to then say you're jealous was probably like a gut punch.
He has a right to his feelings. I'm sure if he told you he was jealous of something his future SIL did for his brother that you don't do for him, you'd feel some kind of way. Your apology doesn't make him forget what you said or cause his feelings to magically change.
Substantial_Term7482 said:
YTA, for both the initial comment and the follow up a few days later. You sound like a person with little to no care for your husband's feelings.
Asleep-Hold-4686 said:
YTA - You basically told him that what he was able to give you wasn't good enough. That probably cut to the bone. Give him time to process his feelings.