Woman 'apologizes' to friend, 'I'm sorry your parents don't love you as much as mine love me.' AITA?

"AITA for telling my friend that I’m sorry her parents don’t love her as much as mine love me?"

I (22F) have a friend named Amy (22F) who I met in college. Currently we are in our last semester of college. I live alone, but she shares her apartment with two other people. We never really spoke about our finances much, but I know that both of our parents currently pay our rent. The issue started when we talked about our future plans.

I told her that I’m probably going to get a job and do my Master’s at the same time so that I can save up a little but also to finally have my own money to spend on some things that I love and to travel. She laughed at me and asked me what kind of salary I expect while working part-time to be able to afford all that.

I shrugged and said I didn’t have any expenses that I’d need to cover really, just food and that’s it. She looked shocked and asked me about rent and stuff and I said ny parents will be paying for it.

She then went on a rant about becoming an adult, how she can’t wait to be independent, how she doesn’t want to take money from her parents and stuff like that. For the most part I tried to nod my head and listen to her, but then she said something like “I’d feel like a bad daughter if I were you.” And that really made me feel embarrassed.

My parents want to pay for my apartment, they can easily afford it and I’m not the type of person to be ungrateful for it. I spend a lot of time with them, I know they don’t lack money for anything, they travel, own their house, have a good retirement plan.

They don’t mind paying for me, and I don’t mind taking it. We have a good relationship. I know this won’t be forever and I don’t expect it to be. Just a few years until I finish my degree and get a higher paying job.

I got annoyed and told her to drop it, we can talk about something else but she continued talking about how her parents want her to be a real adult, how I’ll never want to be ambitious unless I struggle and just more and more nonsense. (Not sure how important it is, but between the two of us, my grades are significantly better and I’m a few exams ahead of her in terms of passing this semester).

I just cut her off and said “Well, I don’t know, maybe my parents love me more than yours love you so they want to pay. I’m sorry for that. Can we now talk about something else?”

We didn’t talk since and I do feel bad because I know that love has nothing to do with money and looking back, it’s such a rude thing to say, but I just said it to shut her up because she was insulting me and calling me spoiled for no reason.

I wasn’t even the one to start this conversation nor did I probe into her finances. She was the one who kept it going. Ever since that day I feel a pit in ny stomach and I really didn’t want to insult her.

Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:

1962Michael said:

ESH. You are definitely an AH for saying such a thing. Money does NOT equal love. EVER. That said, she was an AH for not dropping the subject earlier, and trying to make you feel like you were taking advantage of your parents.

Both of you have loving parents. They may not have the same amount of money. But besides that, they can have different ideas about the best ways to support your careers and lives. In this case since you do have better grades you are perhaps a better candidate for a Masters program which in the long run will make continuing to support you a good investment.

She may want to continue her education, but her parents have decided they will not support her past her bachelor's. That doesn't mean they don't love her as much. They may have limited funds (note she has roommates to reduce expenses) or they may rightly believe she's not a good candidate for an advanced degree.

But you have to see that she is trying to reconcile her situation and yours without thinking her parents don't love her. Certainly there are students who want to stay in college at their parents' expense for as long as possible, and avoid having to take care of themselves financially. I don't think that applies to either of you.

kylolahren said:

ESH. She pushed you and was being rude and combative; however, you didn’t have to engage in the conversation anymore. Once she refused to change the subject, you could’ve just left. While I understand what you said was out of retaliation, it wasn’t necessary and was hurtful. Honestly, though, I don’t think it’s a huge loss to not speak to her. She doesn’t sound like she’s a positive person to be around.

JimmyAintSure4646 said:

NTA. She started throwing stones with, “I’d feel like a bad daughter if I were you," and then you said "she continued talking about how her parents want her to be a real adult, how I’ll never want to be ambitious unless I struggle." Sounds like you gave her a slice of humble pie.

Smart_But123581321 said:

NTA. She’s trying to shame you for having parents who will support you past adulthood. She’s probably been brought up with the belief that you don’t burden your parents as an adult and she sees them paying for you as you burdening them. She did overstep a lot, should’ve shut her down earlier and said this conversation is over and if she continued, you should’ve just walked away.

You shouldn’t hang out with someone who will go on a rant over something so minor and refuse to stop, even when you asked them to. This is just going to be a constant theme if you let it keep going.

Anxious_Reporter_601 said:

ESH. Some people, like you, are lucky and have parents who can help them financially for the whole of their studies. Your friend's parents aren't doing the same for her and that's fine too. You are both making value judgements about something that is morally neutral.

Cluelessish said:

YTA - Yes she was out of line, but you are worse. You seem to think money equals love. "Maybe my parents love me more..." Are you a child? Such a dumb argument as well. She could argue that maybe your parents don't love you enough, since they pay for everything, instead of putting in the work and teach you the value of earning things yourself.

Or: Your parents must not love you very much if they feel they have to compensate by giving you money. She didn't say any of that. Because she doesn't know anything about your relationship with your parents. As you don't know anything about hers. (You also sound spoiled and pretty insufferable, but that's a different story.)