I (44F) share two daughters with my ex-husband “Sam” (46M). One of our daughters, “Amy” (13F), is a big Swiftie. Like everyone else, I’ve been trying (unsuccessfully) to get tix to take Amy to the Eras tour.
The other day, Sam messaged Amy to say that his current wife, “Liz” had a friend on Facebook who was selling tickets. Amy called me very excited asking if we could buy the tickets. A little annoyed he went straight to Amy instead of checking with me first, but never mind.
I asked Amy to check exactly where Liz had seen the tickets for sale because I know there has been a lot of scams. Amy messaged Sam and he said it was all good because the seller wasn’t a random, but an actual friend of Liz’s.
I then called Sam and re-iterated that there have been lots of FB scams with Swift tickets so was he sure it was legitimate. He assured me that it was fine because it was a friend of Liz’s from uni who she knew well. Ok, then.
Liz introduced me to the seller via FB messenger, and I sent the seller $1200 by bank transfer. I also booked flights for the show. Now here is where I was admittedly a bit silly.
The seller contacted me again and said I needed to transfer another $400, which should’ve been a red flag, but I did it because I thought this was someone Liz and Sam knew personally.
Well, it was a scam. Someone had cloned Liz’s friend’s FB account. Liz messaged me to say she thought it might be dodgy, but it was too late. I later found out that Liz had seen the original post on a FB mum’s group, NOT posted to her friend’s personal page who she’d been connected to for years.
This is really frustrating because I’d explicitly said these types of scams were happening. If I’d known, I would’ve double checked that they’d called the friend, not just linked up through FB. Sam and Liz said they felt terrible about it.
Luckily, I was able to get a full refund on the flights, and my bank automatically put a hold on the $1200 because it was a large transfer so I could stop that, but the bank said the additional $400 could not be refunded.
I messaged Sam explaining that in the end, I lost $400 and asked that since I was acting on information from him that it was legitimate, I was wondering if he would compensate me for the loss. (Tbh, I would’ve been happy if he just paid for half of it).
He replied with. “I don’t think so. I know you got scammed and that’s unfortunate, but all we did was put you in touch with someone we thought had tickets.” I’m pretty annoyed that he’s acting like he had no role in this loss, but maybe I’m being unreasonable since maybe I should’ve been more wary?
NTA – It's all well and good to say they feel terrible about it, but now that you are asking for him to cover some of the actual cost of their mistake, it's suddenly your fault not theirs? He absolutely should cover at least some of what you lost.
Also, he really should have spoken to you before Amy if you are the one paying for the tickets – he put you in a really awkward position where you were pressured to act on it.
NTA. But I wouldnt push it further. Sam isnt going to reimburse you, as he feels no responsibility for 'putting you in touch' with a scammer. That sucks tho. But I would be extremely wary with Sam in future for EVERYTHING.
And if he asks, just tell him that you no longer trust him because of the 'Swift debacle' where he wouldnt even cover half of the loss that was due to him setting you up with a scammer.
NTA. He put you in touch AND assured you it was safe. He is the reason you got scammed. Though, maybe only ask for 200. He might be more willing to pay for it that way.
ESH. Other people have already covered why your ex & his partner are TA… but you are also TA for sending a stranger on Facebook $1,600 without getting any kind of genuine confirmation. Did you even meet them in person, or do a video call first? All three of the adults here share the blame of falling for this scam.
What kind of message is this sending to your daughters? It would do them well if you sat them down and told them that what you did was wrong, and that they should never give away money if they aren’t 100% confident about it, especially not to a stranger.
You said yourself it should have been a red flag for the extra money (you just accepted the price going up???) and the extra money is all you are out. I mean, bank wire transfer is sketchy anyway but you only lost the part you definitely should have refused. That was your mistake and YTA.
NTA. He would be liable in a court of law for introducing you to the seller and affirming their legitimacy. And, why isn’t he paying half for his daughters enjoyment to start with?
YTA. Your ex is not responsible for your poor financial decision to buy tickets when you knew there was a lot of fraud going on. That $400 extra was obviously not something you should have paid, and that’s on you.