Woman asks BIL to remove comments about her in family group chat; 'My mom is taking HIS side.' AITA?
"AITA-For Asking my B-in-Law to Take Down Comments in a Family Group Chat?"
My partner and I have been stressing for a long time because we live in seperate countries and us being together is dependent on his work sending him out every year to Sydney and his visa getting approved.
His first visa was not approved for unknown reasons and his second visa was submitted and we all waited with baited breath for it to come through.
It came through while I was sleeping in Sydney, he is in Germany so he sent it into my family's group chat that he got the visa. My family who also live in Germany were ecstatic. Everyone except for my sister's new husband who made a lewd remark about how they were hoping the surprise news was that we were getting married.
Me and my partner have previously shut down conversations with my brother-in-law about us getting married because we don't believe in marriage and we don't want to either.
It's also very creepy that my brother-in-law was so hell-bent on the idea of it for us. I've known him for all of five conversations and I believe my marriage status is none of his business.
I was very upset about the comments in the group chat and also that nobody in the family called out the comment in any way. So I messaged my mum and asked her to comment that we don't need to talk about this in the group chat and I didn't want to ruin my relationship with my sister.
My mom went behind my back and spoke to my sister and my sister called me to apologize, only she didn't apologize because she didn't understand why the comments were offensive to me and why I was hurt, instead she dug in her heels about it and said I overeacted.
And now my sister is no longer speaking to me for a comment that her husband made that humilated me. AITA?
Let's look at some top comments and responses from OP:
famey writes:
This whole story is super weird. I understand why you may have been annoyed if people keep bringing up marriage when you don't want to, but it very much seems like this is something that your family talks about incl. with your BIL.
It's very odd that you are afraid of "ruin[ing] your relationship with my sister" over a comment. It's very odd that your sister said you overreacted when all you did was talk to your mum.
It's very odd that you feel humiliated by BIL's comments (annoyed yes, but why would you be humiliated if both you and your partner truly don't believe in marriage?). I think there is much more going on which you are either not sharing or not aware of.
ESH because even though you are family you can't seem to talk openly and honor each other's whishes.
fleeaw writes:
NTA. Imo pushing getting married is no different than asking people when they’re going to have kids. It’s nobody’s business.
The only thing I would have done differently is confronting my sister/BIL themselves. I personally cannot stand when people have an issue with something I’ve said and they tell other people about it.
agaop writes:
YTA: BILs comment was only one level up from commenting about the weather. He's very happily married to your sister and wants the same for you and the guy you are sleeping with currently. (See, my previous comment was lewd, your BILs was not).
And your mom is not the comment police. You should have made a comment on the chat, spoken directly to him or to your sister.
Your over reaction is causing the rest of the chat to stay out of it for fear of offending you. Why would you expect them to step up and say anything. You sound very tiresome to be around. Your approach has alienated your sister so you know whatever you are doing is wrong.
weathag writes:
YTA: BILs comment was only one level up from commenting about the weather. He's very happily married to your sister and wants the same for you and the guy you are sleeping with currently. (See, my previous comment was lewd, your BILs was not).
And your mom is not the comment police. You should have made a comment on the chat, spoken directly to him or to your sister.
Your over reaction is causing the rest of the chat to stay out of it for fear of offending you. Why would you expect them to step up and say anything. You sound very tiresome to be around. Your approach has alienated your sister so you know whatever you are doing is wrong.
p0leaag2 writes:
You are a grown adult, why are you asking mommy to fight your battles for you? Your BIL made a direct comment in a group chat, your options were to address him in the group chat or directly.
You were willing to strain your mom's relationship with your sister to save your own. You tried to put her in the middle of something that wasn't her business. Mom fixed that real quick, lol. This is what happens when you don't handle your own business. ESH except mom.