Woman opens marriage; gets upset when husband forms connection with partner. AITA?
"AITAH for finding someone else after my wife opened our relationship?"
I (29M) and my wife (30F) have been together for 7 years and married for 4. Last year, she came up with the idea of opening relationship to try out new things. I said it's not something that's comfortable for me and would like to stay monogamous.
It felt weird because it came out of nowhere. We were doing well and planning to build a family together. After my reply, she insisted a lot. In the end, I decided to give it a try. Here are the boundaries she set:
You should always prioritize the spouse instead of the other partner
Always use protection
Do not bring the partner to the shared house
Do not form overly emotional connections
I told her I am not sure if I can do some of these things. I am an emotional person, though I love the physical part too. She said it's okay. I will be able to do it and it's hard for men to form emotional relationships in such cases anyways.
She found a partner quickly and easily. My wife was my first relationship partner so I was not confident in myself. I did not have great chances when I was in my 20s. Eventually, after clearing out most of my work, I decided to try finding a partner in my spare time.
Surprisingly, I was flocked with interest from younger, or around my age, women. I knew maturing and aging did a great job for me, but not to this extent. I started talking to multiple people but decided to go ahead with only one of them. When I shared this information with my wife, she seemed surprised but congratulated me. She said she is shocked how beautiful this woman is, and that I was able to get her.
It has been 10 months since finding a partner but the more I got to know her and spent time with her, we formed an emotional connection together. This woman is aware of my situation and respects my boundaries. I realized I lost the emotional and physical connection with my wife overtime.
I know one of the boundaries were about emotional connections and prioritizing the spouse, but I told her I was not sure if I could comply with some of these.
I had a difficult talk with my wife last week about my situation. She immediately offered closing the relationship and going to couples counseling but I am not interested to be honest. She feels no different than a friend for me and I am afraid I built resentment for her due to the open relationship situation.
I told her it would just extend the misery for me and I would like to have a divorce. She flipped and cried saying I am throwing everything away just for a fling. AITAH here?
Here's what people had to say to OP:
2Whom_it_May_Concern says:
NTA. A story as old as time. Spouse A wants to open relationship. Spouse B is hesitant, but ultimately agrees. Spouse A ends up surprised and upset that Spouse B found someone or many someones to be with. Spouse A regrets decision. She dug her own grave here.
SamaireB says:
Spouse A also clearly thought Spouse B would not stand much chance with anyone else, much less anyone seemingly very attractive, effectively getting a hall pass without having to grant the same and without calling it that. Well that backfired.
Ellie_in_socks says:
I lived it myself except my husband, who spent 5yrs asking for it, found no one in a whole year & I found a sweet guy right away lol. Husband's jealousy was crazy. Divorce is necessary.
Sour_Patch_Cats says:
NTA. Your wife took a huge risk opening up the marriage, and you were honest with her about your emotional connection personality. She is facing the consequences of her actions, in my opinion.
NewEllen17 says:
The reason she found someone so easily and quickly is because she already had someone lined up. Opening the relationship took away her future guilt from cheating.
nick4424 says:
Even if you didn’t realise, your feelings for your wife started fading the minute she asked to open the relationship. Now you found someone better, and who you have stronger feelings for. When you get divorced make sure you let her know this happened because of her insistence to open your marriage. Hope the other guy was worth it.